I’m talking about like, service workers and store employees who are miserable and take their anger out on completely innocent people.
If you’re hot and dress nice would it make it less likely for you to be the target of those pieces of shit?
Get hot enough, and not even ninjas will be able to touch you.
It’s more of a bell curve situation. The goal is to look as unoffensive as possible. Anything that can set off the ‘life is unfair’ alarm in people who are already unhappy increases the chances of comments. That includes, looking nice, wearing expensive (or perceived expensive) anything, most well doe makeup usage, nonstandard nailwork (anything more than a simple color).
While this isn’t true for everyone, it is definitely true for those who are willing to toss out comments in the first place…
And I wonder more than that how often you are getting comments. Unless you’re on either extreme end of the bell curve, or in some other way sticking out way more than you should, it’s strange to me that anyone would deal with being bullied.
Did you literally just use all those words to imply adult bullying doesn’t happen
I can appreciate that this is a sensitive topic for you but they didn’t claim adult bullying doesn’t happen. They said it’s strange to them that anyone is dealing with bullying outside of extreme circumstances. That’s my experience as well. Where I live It’s not culturally acceptable to bully. I’m sure it still happens but it’s rarer than other countries I have lived or visited.
He said, and I quote:
“Unless you’re on either extreme end of the bell curve, or in some other way sticking out way more than you should, it’s strange to me that anyone would deal with being bullied.”
Why would it be strange to him that anyone is getting bullied? It’s incredibly common especially in workplaces
Where do you live if I may ask? I’m also curious to hear the other places where it’s more common. I’ve been looking into moving cause of the amount of bullying here unironically
Why would it be strange to him that anyone is getting bullied? It’s incredibly common especially in workplaces
Because it’s not common everywhere. I’m sure it happens everywhere but it’s a lot more common in certain places and industries. That’s why it’s strange to them.
Where do you live if I may ask?
I currently live in friendly Belleville, Ontario, Canada, it’s a city of 50K. I was born in the UK, grew up in Australia, and have lived / spent a lot of time in a few other countries as well.
Okay. Well I found workplace bullying common in the GTA. Not sure if it’s like that in smaller towns, but in day to day outside I pretty much never got treated poorly there. Customer service and grocery/store workers never bullied me.
What industry do you work in/have experienced bullying in?
Office jobs, AP/AR, that kind of stuff
I suspect you might work in fashion economy or something like that? From what i’ve heard, people tend to be assholes there. In IT or anything technical, bullying is practically non-existent, from what i can tell.
Reading the title, I wondered for an instant in what way body temperature was related to being bullied or not.
I imagine being ‘hot’ can help not being annoyed by bullies (they could be somehow intimidated)… but then being ‘hot’ one would probably be annoyed by admirers or wannabe friends or just plain wankers. Would that really be better? I’m not sure.
I’m not hot and I’m old-ish, and I also don’t give a crap about bullies—I never hesitate to more or less nicely tell a bully to go fuck themselves when I have to—so I may not be the best informed ;)
Idk. When I was at a cafe not too long ago with my ex boyfriend… he was ordering and I sat down at a table.
To put a long story short this dude basically harassed me to move to another table cause he decided the table was better for him and his 2 friends or some bs. I’m honestly not even sure. But he was a total jerk and literally made me get up and move twice, at which point I told him to go fuck himself, but he had no shame at all.
Later my ex told me he probably wouldn’t have told a girl with her nails done and a purse to do the same. In this country there are a lot of women that dress fancy. I dress casual. So basically, i do think part of it is that.
I’m just wondering if it would actually stop people acting this way though.
It’s weird though cause they always pick on me. For example a cashier was really rude to me, and then there was a guy right after me who she was super nice to.
I don’t know wtf is happening I’m so sick of it cause it happens way too often I just want to go outside without being treated like garbage for 2 seconds
I’m just wondering if it would actually stop people acting this way though.
Not all of them, there a few different types of bullies but I would say the majority of them are just weak people that like to focus their frustration on other persons they don’t think could get them into trouble (either by replying or by being able to make them pay in any way). And by dressing differently you’re sending a message they can read as an opportunity to bully you with little risk.
But then it depends who they are, other bullies won’t change at all because you change your look.
I don’t know wtf is happening I’m so sick of it cause it happens way too often I just want to go outside without being treated like garbage for 2 seconds
Not knowing you nor what’s happening exactly, I can at least say I feel for you and understand your frustration. Those kind of things should not be happening in a functional society.
What may help is try spending your time in other places. I live in Paris, it’s really far from being the worst city in the world and if most Parisians are indeed constantly angry people, they rarely bite. Still there are some sectors I will try not to spend too much time in, some where I would not put out any cash, and so on. I know it can be a pain but changing habits can help.
And by dressing differently you’re sending a message they can read as an opportunity to bully you with little risk.
What why
on other persons they don’t think could get them into trouble
Damn ok so that’s basically every customer here lol
sounds like a situation that most people aren’t in, and can hardly relate to
In this country there are a lot of women that dress fancy.
That is not my experience. Lots of people actually dress casually around here, and bullying because of that is certainly unheard of. Maybe that’s different in the country that you live in.
Didn’t ask
i didn’t ask you either. regardless, you getting so snappy might be a personality thing? i was just trying to give basic perspective / general commentary.
I’m not snappy, you’re just really out of touch. Your comment isn’t helpful, youre just bringing negativity and passive aggression. Looks like you’re just trying to start an argument
Being attractive improves literally every aspect of your life. I forget the study but I read once that kindergarten teachers consistently gave better grades to the more attractive students for example.
However if someone is an asshole they will still be mean.
More attractive students
Kindergarten
🤨📸
Maybe “cuter” kids would sound less sexual.
That was why I remembered it, it was just so dumb. Like first what tf are kids in kindergarten even getting graded on?
People of all ages have different levels of beauty, and not in a sexual way.
Ever thought a kid was cute/adorable/whatever? And the kid next to them was not?
On the complete other end, many elderly are visually repulsive, but some look good right to the end.
I think we can all agree that babies look weird… except my daughter, she was a perfect looking baby
Agreed, except you’re wrong about your baby. Mine were the good looking ones.
How hot they are, clearly.
There was another one where kindergarteners rated attractive teachers as smarter and easier to get along with than unattractive ones. Both “teachers” just read them a story and left.
yes
Like everyone else said, assholes will be assholes. What you will get more of is sexual harassment and people assuming you are flirting with them.
“If you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. If you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.”
Ok bully, keep circlejerking your just-world fallacy and get a grip. Back to your privilege bubble
Anyone that disagrees with you is a bully?
“It’s weird though cause they always pick on me. For example a cashier was really rude to me, and then there was a guy right after me who she was super nice to.”
If, different, unrelated people, in different, unrelated, situations and places, are all “picking on you” maybe you need to look at what they do have in common.
They are working in a store and are women, that’s what they have in common
And you… They have you in common… But I’m going to bow out of this. You don’t seem capable of self reflection, you seem to want to be the victim and have everyone agree that the world is just unfair to you in particular for no reason. That everyone you meet is being a bully. I hope things get better for you.
But I’m going to bow out of this. You don’t seem capable of self reflection
Reading through this page, you certainly don’t seem wrong at all, but on the other hand, it may be a language issue.
I mean I have no personal experience but standing out at all can bring unwanted attention.
I don’t think I stand out
Reading your thing again its strange that you mention employees. I mean there is a gas station I won’t go to because I don’t like the music they play. I will stop patronizing businesses very easily.
What
“store employees who are miserable and take their anger out on completely innocent people”
so it sounds like employees are being mean to customers. did I get that wrong. if so I would not go to that establishment.
Sorry it’s the only one near me I can’t not go
Im not sure what the establishment is how can’t it is. I stopped going to gas station a few blocks down and instead went to one ten miles away (its gas was cheap enough to make it a wash money wise)
I’ll split my adult life into three parts.
When I was younger, I was decently attractive. I was an ideal weight, and I didn’t look tired all the time. I had the energy to groom myself and wear decent clothes. Most people seemed to want to help me or were nice to me. However, some people were just plain vicious to me. It was like I did something horrible to them, but as far as I know, I did not.
When life and my chronic illness kicked my ass, I was plain and somewhat unattractive. I became overweight. I had the energy for basic hygiene and to wear something that fits, and that’s it. I was told I had “stress in my face.” I was invisible. No one bothered me. No one wanted to talk to me.
When I had more energy to put into my appearance, I was maybe a 5, maybe a touch over. Still overweight, still pretty tired. (Been getting it medically checked out… No answers yet.) Getting a little more personal grooming and got some clothes that look pretty nice. Some people are a little nicer to me. No one has outright bullied me.
Granted, I am a woman. It might be different for men. I’m also not sure if someone is just angry at everyone if what you look like really matters.
Me and my people are bullied less, it is true.
I’m above-average attractive and almost never face aggression. I’m also above-average height and broad across the shoulders, though, which probably has more to do with it.
That said, in my experience, customer service workers are far more likely to be the recipients of aggression and abuse than to give it out. Like others, I’m very curious as to where you live that you’re experiencing otherwise; I’m thinking it’s gotta be a place where it’s very difficult to fire people, a place with very strong labor protection laws.
It’s a place where nobody gives enough of a fuck to fire people (eastern Europe) good luck getting the police to come even if you’re getting murdered
This is an exaggeration. You mentioned you live in the GTA (Greater Toronto Area) in Canada. Toronto is one of the safest large cities in North America.
No, I don’t live there. I used to.
Based on your comments here, and your post history, it sounds like you may live somewhere with an awful culture. It also sounds like you’re really negative and disdainful of others, and also pretty passive, being willing to move twice for strangers who wanted your table. All this sets you up for a bad time.
The way to not be bullied is to not let yourself be bullied. Don’t give someone else the power to decide how you feel. Laugh at them or ignore them and move on instead of dwelling in anger or resentment.
I live in the US, and while bullying does happen, it’s far outside the norm. I’ve never experienced it in my professional life, and instances even when I worked retail and grocery when I was younger were always addressed. Bullying is something children do, and adults with personality problems.
Thanks for looking at my post history. I’m sure if I told him I won’t move, I would be labelled as aggressive, uncooperative and problem creating.
You can never win.
“You seem so disdainful” yeah maybe it’s because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage and this is my only outlet
Still don’t appreciate you trying to insinuate it’s my fault
because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage and this is my only outlet
There’s a difference between being nice and letting people walk all over you.
I mean to say, I always begin each interaction with being nice. I don’t come to them with a crap mood or aggression
Ethics is more complicated than you think it is.
There is absolutely no reason that the set of rules you learned first would be the actual set of rules that governs people.
As you have learned, being non-aggressive is not sufficient strategy to avoid others’ aggression.
There’s no reason to think it would be, except that it was in kindergarten when large authority giants would easily overpower any aggressor, and would by policy do so on behalf of the nonagressive ones.
Don’t confuse kindergarten rules for global culture. Huge mistake.
Actual culture evolved from nature, and in nature in order to protect yourself you must retaliate when attacked. Every organism has weapons. Every organism.
Meditate on that. Why would every organism use some of its previous energy budget building weapons? Why would evolution select for that 100% of the time?
Yeah, retaliate when attacked. But why the fuck are you attacking someone that didn’t do anything?
If you define winning as everybody always liking you and nobody ever having a bad opinion of you then yes, you can never win.
The trick is not to define “winning” as some impossible task like everyone always liking you.
yeah maybe it’s because I’m nice to people every day and all I do is get treated like fucking garbage
Almost every single reply of yours in this post is negative and accusatory toward the person you’re replying to. Maybe your definition of “nice” doesn’t quite jive with many others’ definitions.
Why would I be nice to people being passive aggressive dicks
I don’t know if I was insinuating that your experience here is your fault as much as I was giving explicit reasons why it’s probably your fault.
I’m sure if I told him I won’t move, I would be labelled as aggressive, uncooperative and problem creating.
Labelled by who? The stranger who wants your table? And then what? And why do you care? This is all you, trying to people please and avoid conflict. Assertiveness is a skill you can learn and would go a long way toward helping you with the problem you’re describing.
You’re being unnecessarily antagonistic
I added “And why do you care?”, but you didn’t respond to anything I said anyway, so why does it matter
It helps to be a tad more productive/casual in one’s responses to things like this, not give someone the Foghorn Leghorn treatment and expect it to be the final word.
If I expected what I said to be the final word, why would I have cared about them straight up ignoring what I said. If they didn’t want an honest response to their problem, they shouldn’t have asked a question in this community. Also do you mean “productive/casual” or “superficial/pleasant”
You’re being thick-skulled.
We are telling you what the problem is. Listen, or continue to have the problem. It’s your choice.
I don’t think that attractiveness alone is that big of a factor.
I rarely get shit from people in a workplace like you described, but it’s more because I’m nice to everybody and I don’t respond to aggression with aggression.
Most people are reactive by default, which is usually what aggressive people are looking for.
I find that the less aggression you dish out, the less people try to serve it to you.
That said you could maybe make an argument that attractive people have slightly less to be cranky about on average and maybe that makes them less reactive, etc, but I don’t think that holds weight.
Most attractive people don’t know they’re attractive, and those who know it still rarely feel it. Self-perception is a bitch for everyone, no matter how you look to other people.
When I worked with customers I found having a slightly unpleasant look, while working hard, propelled me into stock. They had to be very desperate to use me at the front.
My secret power was sucking up to management though. A combination of unfriendliness to some and subservience to others is hard to do for many
Ani DiFranco put it well. “God forbid you be an ugly girl, 'course too pretty is also your doom, 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for the prettiest girl in the room.”
I’ve always loved that quote. Also this beast:
And we get a little further from perfection
Each year on the road
I think that’s called ‘character’; I think that’s
Just the way it goes
But it’s better to be dusty than polished like some
Store window mannequin
Won’t you touch me where I’m rusty
Let me stain your hands
hmmmm, not really in the scale of ‘hot’, imo, but for respect. but it can only work so far. maybe it’s just luck that you encountered a selfish person?
