⚠️ This post was translated from my native language using a machine translator, so forgive me for any grammatical errors.

Hello lemmy!

I’m struggling with a certain problem and don’t know what to do, so I’m seeking help here. However, before I describe the issue, let me outline our current family situation. I am 18 years old, my mom is around 40 but closer to 50, and she’s a wonderful, kind woman. About 5 years ago, I introduced my mom to the world of the internet and computer games. She plays various multiplayer games and meets new people through Discord.

Some time ago (around a year), she met a guy (around 20 years old) from an authoritarian, harsh country. They have been talking and texting each other for over a year, with almost constant contact. They reply to each other’s messages almost instantly, within seconds.

This guy, she met, eventually shared with her that his mother passed away a few years ago, he has no father, and he’s struggling, living with his aunt and cousin. Allegedly, his aunt treats him poorly, forces him to pursue studies he’s not interested in, and there are constant disputes, with his belongings taken away as punishment (e.g., phone, laptop). In short, a dysfunctional family.

One day, during a conversation with my mom, this guy mentioned that she reminds him a lot of his mother in character and voice. Somehow, it turned into him treating my mom as his own, over the internet.

Then my mom asked me and my siblings if we have any objections to calling him our brother and showing him love, as he is currently a mistreated orphan. Since it was just an online relationship, I agreed. After all, what harm could it do? If it makes someone feel better, why not? And so, my mom, my siblings, and I virtually adopted a guy from the internet.

Everything was fine until my mom suggested he escape from his authoritarian country, where he’s having a hard time, and stay with us for a while to find stable work and housing.

Here’s where things heated up. Initially, my mom wanted to give him a place in my room. When I said I didn’t want a stranger from the internet in my room, she started arguing that I called him a brother and that she knows him well, and ultimately, it’s her house, so she sets the rules.

I tried to explain my perspective, that it’s just an online acquaintance, and many things can be hidden online, but physical acquaintance is entirely different. However, she insists, arguing that she knows people who knew each other online for a long time and got married immediately upon meeting in person. She also mentioned that they (my mom end my virtual brother) had many arguments during that time, and in arguments, everything about a person comes out, so she would have noticed if he were a bad person.

Then she told me that I’m the only one causing problems about this, and my siblings and father have no objections.

I have him added as a friend on Discord. I don’t really enjoy talking to him because we don’t have common topics. He can’t play games because his current family took away his laptop as a punishment, but my mom forces me to chat with him…

Almost every conversation about him ends up in an argument between my mom and me.

Honestly, I don’t know what to think about it. What should I do? Has my mom gone mad? Or maybe I lack empathy and can’t help someone in need? And if I’m right, how do I talk to her? 😪

  • squiblet@kbin.social
    0·
    8 months ago

    It definitely sounds like a ‘pig butchering’ scam. They find someone lonely, give them a sob story, proclaim a special bond, talk to them for months, then start asking for money or pumping an investment scheme. Most likely, he would never come to your country, but rather will start saying “i need <thousands of dollars> to travel there…”

      • squiblet@kbin.social
        0·
        8 months ago

        Sometimes they get tens of thousands, like if they convince the person to invest in a fraudulent investment scheme. Also, it’s not fulltime work with one person… maybe an hour or a few a day per victim, and they do several at once. Reply to one person, reply to another one while waiting to hear back, reply to another… and sometimes the people doing the ‘work’ are merely employees working for a wage or percentage! If they’re in a country with a different scale of currency like China, Brazil or Moldova, 10,000 USD would go a lot farther than in the US.

        Anyway, it’s not theoretical. Check out this Wired article for instance, or one on ProPublica. They’re basically the same as the “I’m a lonely doctor in the military in Africa” romance scams that have been going around social media for years, somewhat descendants of the famous Nigerian Prince scams.

        • intensely_human@lemm.ee
          0·
          8 months ago

          I just realized these scammers probably have CRM software.

          Just thinking back to my last sales job. I was selling stuff at about $20k per sale, and my process was typically four or so 2-hour meetings with them.

          My system was all paper, but that’s just because my company sucked at providing the resources we needed. Each prospect had a paper file, and I’d track each conversation. Then on the computer I had emails and files from each person separated out, and tasks to remind me to follow up.

          I just realized that, in terms of personal organization, being a scammer is identical to a sales job.

      • mommykink@lemmy.world
        0·
        8 months ago

        The USD goes a long way in a lot of countries and these can by no means by small amounts of money. The youtuber Kitboga does a lot of videos exposing these scammers. They usually have a few different marks going at a time and, once the relationship is built up, can receive hundreds of dollars a week, steady, indefinitely