I was living pretty much entirely anger-free until 2 things happened:

• I started working at my job, where I was hired for my expertise and yet I am frequently interrupted mid-sentence, disrespected, or told to do things in ways that defy the foundations of my entire discipline (before anyone tells me to quit, I can’t, because of immigration-related reasons)
• One of my friends has fallen down the alt-right/X/Musk fanboyism pipeline and just about everything he rants is uninformed, reactionary, and rage-inducing. He spends too much of his time being angry about problems that don’t exist and spreads that anger everywhere

Saying that, I am autistic and often struggle to distinguish between anger, frustration, feeling hurt, and even sadness. I can isolate depression as a feeling fairly reliably though, because that is more numb and less passionate.

Your experience is not unusual. Everyone gets frustrated occasionally but comment sections are a special slice of hell.

I’m kind of similar. I can’t think of the last time I got angry. I’ve never been red faced angry since maybe I was a kid.

Also don’t know anyone I would say I hate. Trump is close maybe. I’d verbally say “I hate him” but in reality he doesn’t get much real emotional rise out of me except extreme disappointment and disgust.

“Hate” seems reserved for someone I have strong emotions toward. Strong enough I might want to do something violent about it. Nobody fits that bill.

I suspect we might be talking across a deep valley with the people that have anger issues. Neither can really understand the other.

As I get older, I am angry less often, you gain perspective with time, but have never been quick to anger - it takes awhile for me to get mad, it’s not a reflex. Like you, anxiety is closer to the surface for me. I don’t think most people are usually mad, because I know a couple of them and it’s notable and unusual.

I don’t think anyone is never angry, it’s appropriate sometimes.

The news cycle feeds on outrage, and news is not an accurate representation of the world even when it’s true and accurate news, because normal life isn’t news and doesn’t get reported on much.

I lived without anger for almost 15 minutes today.

That’s almost a record.

I know what you speak of. I am of course unhappy or disappointed or frustrated ih certain situation, but really rarely angry. In those rare situations its usually not longer than 5 to 10 min. In situations my friends are angry I am more often sad. Only once in my life (let’s say after 5yo) I shouted at someone - to defend a good friend who was treated incredibly unjust. That’s 17 years ago…

I never hated anyone. I think I could hate some politicians but I know them not personally so I cannot have that much emotion for them. For people I know I always have explanations for their behavior keeping me from being angry about them. Still wanting excusions so I am not excusing them for their actions but knowing (or thinking I know) why they behave like they do I cannot be angry. I think its too much emapthy in my case?

Don’t hate any individuals I know. Not being angry at injustices and those perpetrating them just sounds like a lack of empathy though.

I believe that our media are actively stoking outrage and shock.

People have a built-in tendency to pay more attention to danger than opportunity: if you fail to notice some berries on a bush you won’t necessarily die but if you fail to notice a scorpion on the path you may very well die. So people react strongly to negative information.

This strong reaction registers as “engagement” and media think they must be offering info that people want. In the digital age, engagement can be counted and tracked, which allows you to quickly adapt and do more of whatever creates that engagement.

We’ve been experiencing that optimization loop for the last 20 years and it is now at a deafening roar. We don’t have problems in the world, we have existential crises. We don’t have political disagreements, we have mortal enemies. We don’t have a venal buffoon for a president, we have a fascist dictator murdering rapist psychopath.

This isn’t the only factor but it is significant and it is also new. Yes, there has been sensationalism in the last but it is new to be able to track media consumption like this and adapt on the fly, automatically. It’s taken us to a whole new level.

I read a really wise quote in The Trouble with Peace last night.

“If you get angry every time the Closed Council does something infuriating, you’ll spend your whole life angry.”

I like that it really shows that we need to exercise control over our emotions, and not let other people’s actions drive us to anger, even when their actions are infuriating. I highlighted it to remember it, so that I can use it in my own life.

I’d say it’s relatively rare.

The ability to feel anger, but not dwell on it, takes practice. Anger is partially chemical, hormonal. So you can’t eliminate it entirely. The best we can do is work towards a set of anger related goals.

First, there’s the skill of noticing anger in its very earliest start, so that you can prevent it from being enough to take concentration to control. That’s what stuff like mindfulness, meditation, and the like help with the most regarding anger. They give you the tools (eventually) to default to a more observant state, where you’ll notice the beginnings of anger and use mechanisms to divert it.

That makes anger management much easier because a lot of what gets people into trouble with anger is how long it takes for that rush you dissipate once it gets going. So you can apply anger management techniques to accelerate that cycle reaching its end.

That makes it more likely that you’ll resist any actions that might be spurred by anger until you can choose to make them if they’re useful and appropriate.

Pretty much all of our emotions are at least partly chemical. I’m not aware of any that aren’t, but I’m hesitant to say it’s all of them period. Some emotions are harder to resist than others, but not all of those chemicals are equal. Adrenaline, for example, is there to bypass conscious thought and control and spur us into action of some kind, even if that action is seemingly passive (like freezing up). Yeah, it’s more complicated than that, but we don’t need to cover every inch in this kind of chat.

But, and this is the key to successfully managing one’s anger, you have to be willing to recognise that feeling anger is neither uncontrollable, nor a reason to act on that anger. It’s a response to stimuli, but it also isn’t something someone else makes us feel. We can mitigate our responses when angry, and (no matter how much another person is intentionally trying to make it happen) it is an internal process.

The problem is that it’s a shit ton of work, and the learning curve is not a gentle one. It also is harder to work that curve the more reasons you have to be angry.

I would say its impossible. Even you write almost never angry because zero angry is basically impossible. Im pretty sure some baby crying done is from anger along with other emotions. My pets can get angry. Even people with down syndrome get angry and they are known for a general happy loving nature. Now as far as you im sure there are all sorts of people who in their perspective almost never get angry but some will almost never more than others. I almost never show anger but oh I do get it. I also avoid it like the plague. Its one reason I just avoid all sorts of products or services. They are just more things to upset you.

I dunno, what you’re saying seems ungenuine. you can’t name someone you hate because you don’t think about them?

Maybe you don’t understand what hate means. It doesn’t mean you’re obsessed with disliking them, it means intense dislike.

It doesn’t mean you spend time thinking about them. I hate(d) certain people in my life and if I was forced into a room with them I’d feel that feeling of intense dislike, but otherwise I don’t think about them. But I won’t pretend I don’t hate anyone just because I’m not actively discussing or thinking/feeling my feelings about that person

Take a look at Stoicism. It might help you with your anger.

There’s a saying in therapy. If someone is sad all the time they have to learn to get mad, and if they are mad all the time they have to learn to be sad.

I don’t live with anger nor hate. I understand logically that all the subjects that frustate me are not changeable because of human nature. Like Politics for example, it frustates me the way every politician is always a little corrupt (or a lot sometimes) for some subject, but I understand that it’s not only about that one person, it’s also about human nature to want money and power and there is no way to change it, unless we put an alien or an AI in charge.