• SeabassDan@lemmy.world
    0·
    9 months ago

    For old times’ sake.

    The European Commission has announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other contender. Her Majesty’s Government conceded that English spelling had room for improvement and has therefore accepted a five-year phasing in of “Euro-English”.

    In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”, Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.

    There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”, making words like “fotograf” 20% shorter.

    In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent “e” is disgrasful.

    By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

    During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and everivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KOM TRU!

    • Klear@lemmy.world
      0·
      9 months ago

      In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make sivil servants jump for joy. The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of the “k”, Which should klear up some konfusion and allow one key less on keyboards.

      Sounds good to me!

        • Logi@lemmy.world
          0·
          9 months ago

          Yes, I remember this one from usenet back in the 90s. Although the intro may have changed to blame it on the EU.

  • CarbonIceDragon@pawb.social
    0·
    9 months ago

    On the same note, we should either change the spelling to “rondevoo”, or pronounce rendezvous as “ren-dez-vouse”, this having words pronounced entirely different from the spelling just adds confusion

    • cafeinux@infosec.pub
      0·
      9 months ago

      The word coming french has to do with it in this case. But to be fair, the french changed the spelling of “beefsteak” to “bifteck” to match the spelling with the pronunciation, so feel free to write “rondevoo”, I guess.

      • onion@feddit.de
        0·
        9 months ago

        German word for cookie/biscuit is “Keks” which is adopted from “cakes”

    • onion@feddit.de
      0·
      9 months ago

      Also business to bizness and busy to bizy, unless we are talking about how bus-like something is

    • doctordevice@lemm.ee
      0·
      9 months ago

      There’s no way around that unless we start spelling things a lot more differently around the English-speaking world. We have enough trouble with the relatively minor spelling differences between UK and US English as it is, increasing that confusion is far worse than having spelling decoupled from pronunciation.

  • doctorcrimson@lemmy.world
    0·
    9 months ago

    Just imagine the hero of an action moving saying that absurd shit and it’s the last thing you ever see and hear.

  • Logi@lemmy.world
    0·
    9 months ago

    I’m sure the good people of Bologna would be glad to not be associated with your baloney.

    • GluWu@lemm.ee
      0·
      9 months ago

      I have bad dyslexia but I think I’d be able to figure it out based on context. Balcony sandwiches would be too big and dry, and I wouldn’t want to step out on anyone’s baloney.

  • Ejh3k@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    9 months ago

    My wife caught my googling “why do we say baloney in stead of bologna”, took a photo of it, and roasted me on Instagram. And I still don’t know why.