Well, I recently got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. And instead of doing the smart thing, I’ve just been drinking myself to sleep multiple times a day, which is easy to do because I’m unemployed.
I’m constantly having to keep my head on a swivel because I pissed off a person known for shooting people and getting away with it - I didn’t know this when I pissed him off. Honestly shocked that what I said pissed him off to the point he had his friends jump me.
And last night I ran into an old crush who is not single and started the process all over again of trying to get past it and just be friends with him. But it’s hard to just let these feelings go. Fuck my life.
I feel chained to living a way I do not want to live, and if I were to try to escape, I wouldn’t survive long I have to make plans for a future I don’t want A future that does not matter to me This isn’t what I want But I have no way out
What future are you being forced to plan for?
Go to college, work for the rest of my life, die
What is it you’d rather do?
I want community
I want real relationships and connections
I want to feel human
The way I am forced to live takes it from me
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I’ve struggled similarly over the years and had my ups and downs. One thing that has helped me is remembering that my feelings are subjective, and not necessarily reflective of reality. My view of the world is often skewed, whether by brain chemistry, various biases, or the influence of others, so I have to seek out what’s actually true in any given situation. It helps me; I hope it will help you, at least a little.
Honestly, in my experience, things get better when I exert control over what I can. I’d tell you to control what you can and go easy with the rest. Try to do better every day, really try consciously, and the struggle itself will be rewarding.
I’m rooting for you. If there is a Creator, and I believe there is, he’s rooting for you, too.
I’m not a religious person but clearly it is giving you support so I’m really glad to hear it.
Do you doodle? I don’t, so I used to put paper in top of comics and copy them. And then hang them on stuff like books. Today I’d do a few in my desk, laptop lid and laptop screen wallpaper. You may want to stick it to your phone? I can see that as great conversation starters with common interest.
Society being bigoted, predujiced and caring more about money than people
Society has to change and go along a utopian path to make it better
Same problem as most everyone else really, one month away from homelessness.
Getting divorced at 57. Only married 8 years, but separated for almost 3 now. I hate online dating. I worry about being creepy when I see someone I’m attracted to. I can’t bring myself to hit on anyone I work with, especially since I’m only attracted to women far younger than me (30s and early 40s). I guess I’m alone from here out, with my only physical contact coming from the occasional massage parlor.
Man, loneliness sucks! Best I can say is try and fill your free time as much as possible. I met my wife online, but that landscape has completely changed since we got together! At the time, I was in my late 30s and pretty much only out of my apartment for work or gym. If I hadn’t met her, I’m pretty sure gym time would’ve eventually dwindled to zero. Even if you don’t start a new relationship, you’ll be busy and around others. Better than Netflix being you closest “friend!”
You planning on having kids? If not, maybe deprioritize attraction and focus on someone with a personality.
Bonus: you won’t feel nervous or creepy talking to them.
This is the way 🎯
Wait, you only are attracted to women in their 30s still, at nearly 60? Oof I am almost your age with kids that old. I can see why you are worried about seeming creepy.
Best of luck to you, in any event, and I do think if you open your window to women who are similar attractiveness to however you look, your prospects will be good, if you had a long run of a relationship you can again, you do know how to live with someone. That’s a valuable life skill. And I agree with d00phy, get out in the world and do things, you will meet people and make connections, that helps.
People that I love who I want to keep in my life are proving incapable of accepting who I am.
I have a lot of other friends and family, so I’m not without people to talk to, but it’s pretty hard to have your spouse and parents and priest so tell you that you need to get mental help and figure out what’s real, after you’ve been getting help and are on the road to accepting yourself…
People push themselves and others to change when their opinion is that they can do better. In this case you’re saying you’re getting help and improving but people around you seem to think it’s making things worse? Did I get it right?
Many times people disagree on a very fundamental level. The first step is you agreeing with yourself and accepting yourself, which seems to be under control.
The last step is quite often about after life considerations. Since I’m not religious, many will find my opinion over simplistic: that’s not a thing so why care. Fortunately the Pope is more progressive than their followers. The message is, taboos change over time.
Money and money
I mean isn’t it always?
Lost my dog on Wednesday.
My divorce finalizes on Monday.
It’s mostly the dog thing tho
In my area there are local lost dog Facebook pages. Good luck! Divorce sucks, but sometimes marriage is worse. Your home should be your calm, safe space.
Yea, I mean ‘lost’, not misplaced lol
Oh man. I’m so sorry.
You gave me a good chuckle. Thank you.
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Trying to care for my partner with PTSD, she’s alcoholic and actively suicidal. Doctor is trying to help but mental health support has a huge waiting list (months and years). Her son, living with us, is retarded, rude, disrespectful, incompetent, and complains constantly about not being able to get a job so he can move out. (I’m not sure that he’s even employable). My ex wife kicked out my son because he and my youngest are arguing all the time and she (ex wife) can’t cope. He started moving in here but doesn’t get along with my partner so he ran away from home (he’s an adult). Now we have a room full of his stuff but don’t know where he is or whether he’s coming back.
I’m still getting over cancer treatment and l I’m so tired.
I’m fine, how are you?
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My wife began losing her sight 9 months ago and hasnt been able to work. She also has had vertigo for eight years and is losing most of her weight due to dietary restrictions, as well a a hyper sense of smell that is making her ill all the time. Disability is rejected, and paperwork for insurors trying not to pay is maddening. She has been under the care of a horrible doctor all her life who tells her that only Jesus can heal her. We are working poor in the US so we’re fucked.
I’m sorry you’re going through this.
For starters, I’m 20 hours late for this post. It’s the two year anniversary of my mother dying of cancer. My brother died of cancer in August. My wife almost died this month. I can’t sleep. I have too much anxiety. I don’t have any face to face friends and I feel too burned out for anyone to want to be my friend.
Lost ones anniversaries are rough. I like to imagine those I’ve lost over time would rather cheer me up than have me remember them through sadness. Still, easier said than done.
(The silver lining about the slower content on lemmy compared to reddit is you can be hours late and still be part of the discussion instead of casting your bottle at sea if you miss the 15 minute window.)
No way to help, but:
TL;DR - my job sucks. Not enough to actually get sympathy from much of anyone, though.
More info if you want it:
My manager thinks he’s the smartest man alive and is instantly better than everyone else on the team, but he’s literally making every single bad choice he can.
I asked him a question about a specific implementation detail comment on an RFC the other day and he kept reiterating the plan for the overall feature.
Like, bro, I literally know the plan, just tell me whether or not the field is able to be used in the URL now. It was just abundantly clear that he had no idea what the answer was, but chose not to say “I don’t know” and instead just kept reiterating the basic plan.
There was no miscommunication on my part. I’m successfully working on the ticket. He just didn’t want to say “I don’t know”. He opted to waste my time as well as everyone else’s on that call.
This, on top of pay issues (IE, them paying me very late), means I’m actively searching again. This job has been the biggest thorn in my ass for way too long.
It’s hard to get sympathy from people, though, since I also get paid very handsomely. I’ve basically realized I need to just stop mentioning my job with people from my hometown. That’s fine, though, again the main issue really is my manager. Other than him, to be real, my life is amazing.
I feel you and I’m sorry you have to go through all of that. That sucks ass, having to tolerate being put down in a field where you are supposed to be the intellectual authority but are subverted by power hungry jackasses.
Is your boss and my boss one person? Because your description matches perfectly. He thinks he’s always right and never admits he’s wrong. Also empathy = 0.
At least there’s no problem when you need to get out early or “I need to go for an hour to sort my stuff”.
Luckily the rest of people in the office are chill to balance his behaviour.
My mom was diagnosed with Ekbom Syndrom. She’s been forced into early retirement because of it, but she doesn’t have retirement, she’s pulled out from it too many times.
I’m terrified I won’t be able to support us both. I make only 62k, and I’m still paying off student loans from 20 years ago.
I wish I had other family to help me with the costs, but there’s no one. I do have a brother, but he doesn’t work and has spent the last 20 years living with my mom and playing video games. She was supporting them both. And don’t think he’s helping to care for her either.
I’ve talked her into moving states so that she’s near me and I can help her more with stuff, so we’re selling her very dilapidated house this summer. Because my brother destroys thing and she doesn’t have the funds for upkeep, I don’t think she’ll be getting much from the sale.
My mom has been telling my brother she’s going to buy him a house and I had to be the one to sit him down and tell him he’ll be lucky to get a trailer, because she doesn’t have any money. Once we sell her current house, that’s it. She’ll have that to buy something of her own, and if there’s something leftover and I can’t talk her out of it, maybe he’ll get something for 50k.
I look at other friends with ailing parents and see the help they have from their siblings or family members, and I writhe with jealousy. Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she’s crazy.
Why would your brother possibly get money yet bear no financial responsibility to help?
Because my mom is an enabler, and she bears a lot of guilt over who she chose as our father and how he treated my brother. My brother and I both had a lot of emotional issues, and where I chose to get help and fix my issues, he hasn’t.
Even if my brother agreed to help financially, he couldn’t. He hasn’t had a job in over a decade. Granted, he’s going to have to get a job once mom moves, but he’ll probably never earn more than barely keeping himself afloat. My mom says she just wants to make sure he has a place to live the rest of his life.
As for my mom, well, she’s an adult, and other than her ekbom diagnosis, she’s of sound mind. She makes her own choices, and I can only give my input. Can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to.
Parent care is incredibly difficult… the exhaustion, always feeling like you’re failing, … I followed a couple of Reddit subs while we were caring for our moms and that was a nice outlet to vent without judgement. Try to take time for yourself, even if it’s just a walk outside to let your brain relax.
Can I ask which subs you followed? It would be nice to speak to others who understand. I still use reddit on my desktop.
Meanwhile my mom is digging imaginary parasites from her arms and feels like I think she’s crazy.
While I don’t mean this as a diagnosis, the last person I knew who did that was later diagnosed with schizophrenia. Although getting mental health care can be a challenge in itself, let alone for someone who doesn’t want to.
Luckily I don’t think that’s the route her mind is going. The ekboms was brought on by extreme work stress, and she’s already showing some signs of healing after being pulled from work. But it’s certainly crossed my mind.
Terrible lonelyness…
36 years old man, have been overweight almost all my life, balding, have only a few friends, lives alone.
I matured in my mid twenties, that is when I started being interested in finding a partner, unfortunately, I worked alternating 12h day/night shifts on an irregular schedule at the time, and my life was just work/eat/rest/sleep, I had no real time abd energy to meet new people.
After four and half years of that, I got a normal job, but felt completely lost in where to even start finding people, and still am now seven years later.
I work in IT, and am good at talking to people normally, but as soon as the talk get’s more personal I don’t really know how to keep going and be interesting, I also have trouble asking the right questions in the right way so I have a tendancy to seem self centered, but I am working on it.
The reason I can be this open about my issues here is that it helps me reflect on myself and analyze what I need to work on, and that I am writing behind a mask of annonymity.
Also, while I am very lonely, I know how to deal with it through distractions and shifting focus from the feelings, I know it isn’t healthy, but I am a master of repressing feelings, sometimes I do let them out and give myself a good solid cry about the situation.
In the end, my life isn’t terrible in general, I do stuff all the time, I own my own apartment, small car, good camera, decent computer and I realize i could be far worse off.
Sorry if im focused on the wrong thing here but balding can be easily remedied by taking the step of shaving your head.
It was frightening for me at first but it really boosted my self esteem when i finally did it.
Maybe “fixing” one small issue can give you energy to focus on something positive?
Yeah, I realized that a year or so ago, and while I don’t shave my head, I do go for the 6mm buzz cut special every time
The only way I found to meet new people as an adult is through hobbies.
Working in tech, for me, ideally that’s something that doesn’t involve solving puzzles and that has an actual physical element.
I’ve gone through painting, Board game, Ceramics, Yoga, paintball, volunteering at the pet rescue, trampoline, walking/hiking group and other things I forgot.
You already kinda share an interest with whoever is there so it’s not as artificial as some other things.
Doesn’t mean everyone will be your friend, but even a hobby-specific once-a-week buddy can be a nice change.
Some of those people stick around, most don’t.
I don’t mean this as advice, just my experience these last few years.Yeah, I do enjoy photgraphy, and have thougjt about joining a photography club or something, once I am done dealing with my current work situation, I will look into it further
