To keep it short: my ex-wife cheated on me with this guy, we divorced, she married him immediately after. Since January we’ve been co-parenting, she has our son (14 years old) for 2 weeks & I have him for 2 weeks. Her now husband is wealthy, and for the winter holidays they plan on going to the Maldives for 3 weeks (I agreed to give up 1 week of my 2 weeks; gonna get +1 week with son after the vacation). Apparently son has been asking his mom and stepdad if I can come as well. So ex-wife calls me and asks me if I’d like to go, all expenses paid by them, just to be with our son and have some fun - and let’s “put all the bad blood behind”. I told her I’ll think about it, but honestly I don’t think I’d feel comfortable. At the same time going would make son extremely happy obviously. Idk.
I’d do it just because my son wants me to. That’s more important to me than anything else. I have two boys. I’d do anything to make them happy.
Have a one on one with your son. He is old enough to understand how bad this would make you feel. It’s completely fine to look after your own well being first and I’m sure you two can find something else to do just on your own.
and let’s “put all the bad blood behind”
Fuck her cheating ass, figuratively.
She wants to have some kind of cake and eat it too, at YOUR mental expense.
No.
You’ll be teaching your child that what she’s done is okay. Your child will learn things about relationships that aren’t good.
Nope. The free luxury trip and making your son happy are tempting but being 3rd wheel to your cheating ex and the other man would ruin everything. You would likely be in a foul mood and your son would not enjoy being around you.
Fuck that shit.
You will be used as childcare repeatedly for their fun.
And they will make you look like the bad guy in front of your kids if you flinch.
Prepare for that.
Childcare… Of his own son?..
You know parents who, you know, love their children, actually want to spend time with them, right?
You know a whole lot of parents don’t love their kids and don’t want to spend time with them, right?
I’d absolutely assume mom & new dad would have several romantic dinners and activites alone while bio-dad entertained his kid.
I don’t think the guy would be pondering on here about going if he didn’t love his kid and didn’t want to spend time with him.
Why did you assume I was talking about the dad?
Even you were talking about the dad, why did the kid suffer because of the mom? He won’t be blind to their actions regardless
I’d kind of see that as a bonus. Some time to bond while on a nice vacation on someone else’s dime would be cool especially if it meant not having to deal with the ex and the new guy as much. Definitely don’t go if you’re not going to be civil with the ex and him though (which would be understandable given the circumstances). Ruining the trip for everyone else won’t gain anything other than possibly resentment from the kid.
No, that’s just completely unreasonable of them to ask.
I’m so sorry that you’re dealing with this situation. Unfortunately, no, I would not go. It’s not fair to you. I commend your dedication to your son but it would do too much damage to you than is worth it.
It is awesome that your son wants to spend time with you. But I also think a 14 year old is old enough to understand that you don’t want to go on a long trip with his mother and her new husband.
This trip is just one thing, maybe discuss other things you can do after the trip with just the two of you.
Sounds to me like the kid is also having some feelings surrounding the breakup and subsequent remarriage that aren’t being addressed. Why does he want you to come too? Is he hoping it might bring you and his mom back together? Does he feel uncomfortable around the new stepdad, and wants you around because he’s more comfortable when you’re around? I think if you have a conversation with him as to why he’s asking for you to come too, it might influence how you approach the situation, or at least give you a better way to explain why you can’t come due to your own reasons.
I know this is a difficult decision on your part for how it affects you, but your son is also in a very vulnerable position right now, and needs both of his parents paying attention to him and the feelings he’s having, even if he doesn’t know how to express them directly. My parents broke up suddenly due to cheating when I was around the same age, and it was a traumatic time in my life because my parents both assumed I was old enough to “get it.” I wasn’t. Family is one of the main sources of stability in a young person’s life, and to have it fall out from beneath you isn’t something you get over on your own very easily.
Well if all of you can keep yourselves in check, it’ll probably work out. Maybe.
It’s not a great idea, but hey, it’s for your son.
Nothing says he can’t just go home early, Mr Moneybags won’t mind if there is an extra fee.
No.
You have a kid, but it’s your decision.
Sounds like she’s trying to skip the part where she fucked up and she should apologize to you and give you some space. Instead she’s leaving you an impossible choice.
But you can talk to your son and tell him how much it stings and that you just can’t do it. Sure you can “put all the bad blood behind” but it takes two for that and you can’t force someone to reconcile by pressuring them with their son and luring them with a paid for vacation.
This makes me mad for you, this is so unfair. No one has to take that offer, and your son will understand. Maybe your ex will understand too, but it looks like she’s still too immature to understand right now.
Why is noone mentioning the fact that the trip would be paid by the other guy?
Personally I would never accept that in a billion years. Is he trying to buy your forgiveness or something? Gross.
Buy forgiveness is the best case scenario. Power flex of how much money he has is more likely.
Jesus you people are so insecure. And I have relevant childhood trauma. Work on your shit.
Proper analysis is now “insecure” m
Making everything about money and power when there’s a child and feelings involved is pretty insecure, yeah. Some benefit of the doubt is warranted.
Your analysis that they’re just “flexing” by doing a nice gesture for a child of a divorce that they are involved in, says more about you than anyone else in this situation.
I’m opposed to human reproduction. But maybe I adopted. I’d go if I thought I could cope emotionally. I feel like a lot of things would be better after such an experience, it could be genuinely positive for you and your child. Get two rooms, have the kid stay with you. But maybe just for a week. Three weeks, seriously? Get unnecessary room service every day.
If I thought I could take it without breaking down too much
