I’m starting to think that my life is over and I don’t want to live anymore. As of writing this I am a 23 year old woman with no qualifications or education. I have learning disabilities and my IQ is just 76. I struggle with things like talking, maths and spelling and I can’t find a job.

When I was a kid I knew I was different. Things that were easy for the other kids to do took me ages to learn. Kids used to make fun of me because of the way I talked and in general I could fit in. As I got older my learning disabilities become more noticeable. I was diagnosed with ADHD and low intelligence and therefore struggled academically but my dad refused to put me in a special education program because he thought it would be an embarrassment. School was very hard for me. I would work my ass off just to get C’s and B’s and my father was very abusive. He would expect me to do well in school and if I didn’t he would beat and punish me. I had to repeat the 7th and 9th grade but I eventually graduated but very poor grades and no qualifications. When I was around 15-18 started to do drugs like weed and alcohol just to cope.

I left my parents house when I was 19 and went to live with a friend. I have very little money as I’m addicted to drugs and my lack of education makes getting a job practically impossible. I don’t see my life going anywhere and when I’m not on drugs I’m miserable. My brothers and sisters have done so much better then me and it makes me so jealous, angry and ashamed. I know this may sound cringe but I honestly can’t do this anymore.

EDIT: I now have a job at Burger King as a cook. It’s not glamorous but it’s some money.

  • Damage@feddit.it
    0·
    2 days ago

    Hey so, like the others said, you don’t express yourself like someone with intellectual limits, so I’d really consider retaking those IQ tests with a specialist in neurodivergent issues. TBH tho, the reason why everybody’s discounting your IQ results, is that it’s a kinda bullshit number, the older you get the better you realize that.

    But aside from that, let me tell you that when I was your age, I was in a similar situation, maybe even worse: no education, as I had issues in school with bullying and I hated it since a young age, plus I had the usual “smart, but doesn’t put enough effort” evaluation, I couldn’t make heads or tails of maths, my parents filled me with more debt than I had any hope to repay and the state was taking anything I managed to save or buy with great effort.

    I never attempted suicide, but let’s say that I took some mortal risks without caring for the outcome. But I held on, I did my best to help myself, worked hard and learned many skills, found a wonderful person who’s been at my side for over a decade now, went back to school (which isn’t very useful for someone who’s already developing a career, but with a better teacher I learned that math isn’t that hard, it can even be fun!), and now I live a comfortable life, make good money, and have people I love who love me back.

    I won’t say that the ghosts of the past never visit me, or that I’m 100% of what I could have been, truth is what doesn’t kill you doesn’t necessarily make you stronger, it can also leave you maimed… I have many regrets, sometimes they keep me up at night. But all in all, I’ve been to hell and back and I’ve survived, if someone told me I’d be living like this when I was your age, I wouldn’t have imagined how that was possible… And I didn’t do anything particularly special, I just kept keeping on, put in the effort, and seized luck when it presented itself… most of the time.

    Some days you’ll do great, some days you’ll feel like you’re wasting your potential or going nowhere, just keep at it, and you’ll see it’s not so bad, and it’s not your fault.