Probably would’ve been nice to know I was trans a few years younger but I started hormones at 20 as did a friend my age who came out at 16, so like it probably would’ve been less consequential than much.
The importance of studying. And related, calculus and how electricity works. Both would’ve saved me a lot of money to have learned 6 months earlier.
Also how to say no to someone trying to negotiate your boundaries and use your kindness to push you into a relationship. I should’ve walked away the second she said she wanted to negotiate my no and that she wasn’t going to give up on pursuing me. That situation fucked me up and wasn’t even the first time someone with insufficiently controlled bpd wound up pressuring me into romantic/sexual situations I wasn’t comfortable with by making it harder to say no than to give what they wanted.
Don’t buy the cow if you’re lactose intolerant.
Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free
Basic necessities arent a given and one should b grateful for em
Grateful to who?
The people who give them to you?
I think you can just be grateful to have or experience something. Like you can’t be grateful to anyone for a full moon, but you can be grateful that you saw it.
Stoicism. The philosophical ideas of how to live a purposeful and good life.
Aurelius would hate what stoicism has become
Indeed. For many people it has become some kind of Broicism where alpha Incels talk to each other about how tough they have become and how they’re suppressing their emotions.
That’s of course not what I refer to. I actually read the ancient texts and The Inner Citade by Pierre Hadot. When I talk about stoicism I actually mean it in a way that Seneca, Marcus Aurelius, Rufus and Epictetus would agree on.
Marcus Aurelius’ “Meditations” really gave me perspective.
The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday is a great beginner sampler, and/or a way to keep it in your life when you don’t have an appetite for the “heavy” stuff.
The thing that comes only with age is: to not give a fuck.
When we learn that it doesn’t matter we can all be little old people who are purple mohawk headed, wearing clashing neon adidas jumpsuit with zebra primted boas.
I only learned this a few weeks ago at 40 years old, now my hair is blue, both my ears are pierced and I’m a lot happier. I told my 19 year old daughter that “what will people think?” has been my mantra, now it’s “fuck 'em”
Hey, I’m you and you’re me! I also just turned 40 in late September. Happy belated birthday, ya old fart!
"at 20, you care the world what everyone thinks of you
At 40 you learn to not care what anyone thinks of you
At 60, you realize nobody has been thinking about you at all, the whole time."
If you quit worrying what people think of you, you’ll realize how seldom they do.
There’s always someone who will look at your life telling you you’re doing everything wrong. And you know what? That’s fine. It really doesn’t matter.
Double entry bookkeeping.
Who was committing fraud?
To just invest in broad index funds instead of trying to play the stock market.
So what you’re saying is I should HOLD my Bored Ape NFTs?
/jk, broad stock & bond index funds are the way to go.
No no no, they’re saying buy more NTFs! They just need to be different apes so you can have a broad index of them!
:P
I did both. Mostly ETFs, then some companies I liked. I’m up 100% over seven or so years, but I do admit I got lucky on companies I liked. All EFTs are up a bunch, the safest way to go!
Hello fellow boglehead. Im happy i learned this at a young age, a long time ago.
Go to therapy.
Therapy is maintenance (at the very least). If you haven’t ever been to therapy, you’re driving around without an oil change.
And don’t be ashamed about it. Don’t advertise it, but also don’t hide it. It’s 2024 and we’re allowed to ask for help.
“Fake it till you make it” doesn’t mean pretend to be happy until you are happy. I committed to a relationship I wasn’t happy in, a career I wasn’t happy in, and hobbies I wasn’t happy doing, all because I wanted the approval of others. A divorce, career change, and hobby swap made me much happier.
Yeah, fake it till you make it only applies to overcoming self doubt, and should not be used to dismiss glaring problems. It certaibly doesn’t work as a cure all for actual problems.
It can in rare cases work for happiness, but only if the reason is one that is just based on self doubt while things are actually going well.
Yeah, it’s about projecting confidence when you want something and you’re intimidated by it.
Lying can get you ahead in the immediate, but then you’re a liar, and liars lose friends and alienate people.
opposite for me. Sometimes it’s better to lie about small details as to not bag down an unrelated conversation with “well actually it was my sister’s boyfriend’s mother’s dogs uncle that told me that, not my sister’s boyfriend’s dogs aunt.”
I also have autism and struggle with conversations so that’s probs why.Really depends on the lies. Lies that get you ahead on life are typically not the same ones that tend to snger those you care about.
The danger to me is its sorta impossible to lie without in some way believing it. The Costanza thing. It basically reduces your own ability to discern reality.
Take it sleazy. Not for everyone, but for some people the most productive way of getting stuff done is doing it with less effort. Don’t go too fast and burn out
Empathy, Hurt people hurt people.
I met a lot of people with traumatic histories, and were very insecure. They are utterly exhausting to be around. Constant nitpicking, valid criticism with brutal delivery. Make excuses to undermine others accomplishments.
They are not bad people, or have malicious intentions, but can only be described as utterly exhausting. You are always on edge.
The sunk cost fallacy is a very easy way to get stuck being miserable.
Sometimes a drastic change might be painful at the time but will be much better for you overall.
Definitely agree with this one
Shoulda took those language lessons more seriously.
The best time to start learning a language was 10 years ago. The second best time was last year, unfortunately you missed them both and will have to wait until the next scheduled best time.
My family is never going to return the favor. Should’ve gone to school instead of taking care of them.
“Family first” is such a contemptible load of crap. Primarily this idea only seems to be brought out by the same exact people that then abuse the notion.
“Family first” is unidirectional. Parents put their kids first. That’s the job. I signed up for it, and I’m going to prioritize then as much as I can.
That’s a bit different, and as it should be, but then it’s likely clearer to just directly state the intent to protect the future generation.
“Family first” in my experience has always referred to the lateral or upstream bloodline. Deadbeat parents or lazy piece of crap siblings trying to justify grift or outright abuse.
I’m an ideal world, the phrase wouldn’t exist and people would just be decent; parents would prioritize their children and siblings etc would just help each other. I wish this were the case, but as with many others I’ve instead come to trust and rely on found family instead of bloodline.
And I’m forever in debt to my daughter. I will never expect her to put my life or needs before hers. My disgust at my own parents’ egotistical failings only magnified after personally experiencing becoming a parent.
Family is a sorting category word though, so while there’s truth to kids first, the phrase regarding family first is very very often abused to try forcing the hand of broken ties between the aging parent wanting the child to instead provide regardless of whether it’s deserved or not. It’s frequently an excuse for abusive siblings who’ve continually taken advantage of their kin.
Bluntly, relation is pure chance and does not immediately imply a debt with exception from “parents must care for their child” by social and biological need. I don’t owe my physically and mentally abusive parents or brother a damned thing except my disgust.
People in general, not just kin, need to earn respect and community with each other. The bond of parent caring for child doesn’t immediately imply the child owes the parent for “bringing them into this world”, and instead implies a larger scope debt toward that child then being indebted to any children they subsequently bring into this life.
Thanks for sharing your story and view. On a side note, your language is superb. Do you write as career / hobby?
Heh, thanks! No but my girlfriend hates that I don’t. I grew up reading books that my other (not crappy) older brother did and his influence greatly impacted my interest in science and language.
One brother is a psychopath, the other is literally the type of scientist that is changing the world. I’ve considered trying at writing some once I finish cleaning up my life from the people I’ve had to excise.
For what it’s worth, I just have spent my life having to constantly revise how I communicate and sometimes it helps. Usually it just annoys people if they aren’t really interested.
It is a joy to accurately communicate with people who care you. It is also a joy to annoy others who don’t.
Please write. Please write.
