“A lot of networks report the news as it happens. But only one has the power to report the news BEFORE it happens. Through our state-of-the-art wormhole sattelite, the Onion News Network Future channel brings you exclusive news transmissions from the year 2137. Because to stay ahead in today’s world, you need to know what’s going to happen in tomorrow’s.”
And then on the map one of the states is Gay Texas LMAO
WOKE LIBERAL america be like
- wokelahoma
- they/themessee
- nonbinary dakota
- transylvania
- hannah montana
- lesbiana
- kawaii
- gay texas
- north and south queerolina
- washington H.R.T.
After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 2016
They got the idea right, but it was a shrieking Orange ball of rage.
I’m just gonna leave this here with no further content…
“Sony Releases Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn’t Fucking Work”
@HotWheelsVroom Lmao, I also like that one very much
“It’s functions include… …being all ass backwards fuck”. MagicalBut I’ll still add another one great thing - (Political Talk Show Host Suddenly Very Interested In Manslaughter Law Loopholes)[https://youtu.be/xOVQPtuKRs4]
The system specs tho LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣
System Specifications:
- Makes the most irritating beeping noise you’ve ever heard in your goddamn life
- Fucks up everything else you hook it up to
- ‘Scans for receivers’, whatever the fuck that means
- Flashes random fucking words and numbers on the display screen
to this day I still occasionally mutter “it never ends, this shit…”
These comments are proof that The Onion peaked like 15 years ago. They just haven’t been as funny since then.
Weirdly, this comment is a little hasty but only because of recent developments. ONN presumably didn’t make enough money so it was canceled, thus they couldn’t keep doing sketches like that. Now that The Onion has bought itself from its corporate owners, ONN is said to be returning. If the new ONN sucks this comment will be accurate though.
i dont think its the onions fault, parody just got more difficult when real life is already ridiculous
I discovered this one recently
Country Music Stars Challenge Al-QaedaTrump Voter Feels Betrayed By President After Reading 800 Pages Of Queer Theory. Important commentary and funny at the same time.
Second place goes to Memorial Honors Victims Of Imminent Dam Disaster.
What’s the actual joke here? It sounds like it’s almost mocking trans literature by how complex it is to understand for the average american. Is that it?
It’s unrealistic to expect people to judge your message on the merits of your argument if you’re not taking the time to translate it into a language they speak.
Not really interested in making an argument to whether it’s fair to apply this caricature here, but that’s definitely the message here.
Thank you, it just clicked for me now
I think that mainly mocks the idea that if only people talked to each other more, communicated with each other more, tried to see things from the others’ perspective, then everything would be great and everyone would arrive at a common conclusion.
The Onion does something really clever: they simply show what the world would be like if feminists actually succeeded in convincing people with their arguments. The end result is comically bizarre and obviously extremely unlikely. The joke/criticism is how disconnected feminists are from the real world with their overly complicated, academic and abstract language, despite the fact that they ostensibly have a goal of influencing ordinary people into being better.
I’ve had this beef for a long time with feminists: they lack empathy and insight into the actual lived experience of the people they want to convince. They’re caught up in an authoritarian, entitled worldview where they imagine they can just coerce others into becoming better through force and shaming, using language that is so far above most people’s heads that it all just seems imaginary. Whenever I try to raise these concerns I am met with hate and am called a misogynist even though my intentions are to help. They have virtually no ability to listen. There are exceptions, but they are drowned out among all the (in my opinion) misguided people.
Thanks for clarifying. It does feel like they’re punching down a little, but its a good commentary nonetheless.
“Punching down” is in the eye of the beholder, and kind of supports my point about having empathy in the way you speak. I guarantee that steel workers feel like they got the short end of the stick in life, and that feminist academia is the elite.
I don’t know if it really counts since it’s a full series, but Porkin’ Across America is really fucking cursed.
Prague’s Kafka International Named Most Alienating Airport
And a ‘from-16-years-back’ broadside at the US approaching November:
honorable mention to New Marijuana Study Confirms Everyone Knows You’re High And You Will Be Stoned Forever
because when this was originally uploaded on their website it would play a slightly different version every time you opened the page. So you’d laugh and show your friends, so then even if your (allegedly) stoner ass hadn’t gotten tripped out the first time, while they’re watching it and laughing you’d start sweating.
Second honorable mention to “Is The Government Spying on Schizophrenics Enough?” But I’m honestly still not sure that one’s totally okay, even if I still laugh every single time I watch it. I’m not that type of mentally ill but have had people close to me who struggle enough with it and the very nature of the disorder is such that even though I laugh I’ve always at the same time felt it treads very much on the line.
I love the entire “Autistic Reporter” Series for some reason lol
How do I go to prison??
Oldie but a goldie; Some Bullshit Happening Somewhere
It’s just so amazingly on point
Surprised no one has posted:
“This is America. Nobody deserves to be treated as a black man” holy fuckin shit.
