Don’t fly because airports have some kind of secret knowledge that they keep from us ordinary folk. Why do you think they call it “TERMINAL” parking? It’s like they can’t resist throwing it in our faces.

If you don’t like flying, then the best thing I can recommend to relieve the stress is that when you get where you’re going, you take off your socks and shoes and then, on the carpet, you make fists with your toes.

Don’t fucking fly.

Not bc climate change, but bc no human has ever gotten off a commercial flight. and been in the best possible condition to face whatever they were flying to.

People are miserable, and concentrated in a small space they’re doubly so. Add to that convincing security theatre puppets that my CPAP is actually medical equipment, and that no, the meds that make sleep possible are not prohibited (liquid max be damned)… Hell with that.

I can get from my driveway to Chicago Union Station in two hours or less from my driveway. The LSL can have me in Albany ~12h later. Given that I was forced to make that trip quarterly in a past life, trying to fly WN would have forced me to go via BWI or ATL and taken the same damn amount of time all considered, with lots more stress.

Train gave me a decent sleeper car for less than plane fare for the two of us, even on WN. I arrived ready to get to work, versus a lil jet lagged and angry at people in general. Yeah, train was a no brainer.

Obviously not an option on all routes, but worked well for me.

Chapstick.

Listen to the safety briefing. They wouldn’t bother telling you if it wasn’t important.

Keep your seatbelt on for the entire flight. The pilots can’t always predict turbulence, and hitting the ceiling hurts.

1. do not check anything
2. do not put anything in the overhead storage unless it’s a suitcase
3. if you’re bringing a backpack, put it “upside down” under the seat in front of you. the floor is gross, don’t put your backpack down and then put that grossness against your back when you get off the plane
4. if you’re in the back half of the plane, be ready to volunteer to move to an exit row just in case the opportunity presents itself before the plane takes off
5. if you’re scared of flying, know that the plane is shaped physically to stay in the air. Why do paper planes fly? because of their shape. Real planes are shaped waaay better.
6. only get water, no ice
7. write down where you parked or take a picture and know how you’ll get back
8. have your first meal planned when you arrive at your destination

I’ve traveled with my intellectually disabled sister before. If you’re traveling with anyone with a major disability of any kind but similar severity, I highly recommend you pack disposable gloves and wet wipes, and possibly a small emergency snack (especially if they have diabetes, my sister will just beat the shit out of you if she gets too hungry, some people might die or some shit).

Many dumb takes here, but also some good ones. Here are mine roughly sorted by importance:

• (Don’t be a dick - obviously)
• Choose a direct flight whenever possible. I usually would pick a shitty, more expensive airline over having a connecting flight.
• If you are planning a connecting flight, try to allocate at least 1-1.5 hours for the connection. Planes are delayed all the time and the shorter the connection time, the higher chance you’ll miss your flight. Your checked luggage can also miss your connection, pack some necessities in your carry-on. (anything more than 3 hrs is overkill though)
• Noise cancelling headphones/earphones: this is where they work best, blocking out the fatiguing drone of the plane. Highly recommended. Headphones are more comfortable over longer periods than earbuds.
• Window seats are better for sleeping asile is better if you tend to move around (but people passing by will disturb you by brushing up against you and you feel the floor flexing more as they walk)
• Cheap airlines: you get what you pay for. You will be treated like cattle but they do get you from point A to B for less money. Be aware they will nickle and dime you every step of the way, bring water (bottle you can fill after security) and some snacks.
• Luggage: carry-on is better than checked if you can avoid it but sometimes you can’t. For cheap airlines double check the size limits for carry on. The sizes are not standard and cheap airlines try to trick you into paying fees. Sometimes they’ll also take your carryon during boarding to check it in the hold when the plane is very full. You can try to avoid this by queueing and boarding sooner than others, or by bringing a smaller bag that fits under the seat.
• If you do end up checking a bag you’ll have to show up a bit sooner and usually wait a bit longer after the plane has landed. Place anything fragile in your carry-on! The luggage handlers throw your bag around like they are trying to break something on purpose. If you can’t avaid checking fragile things, surround them with clothes and other soft materials. Also put a luggage tag on your bag, sometimes multiple people have the same bag.
• Flights during the evening and afternoon tend to have a higher chance of being late/geting cancelled. The effect is slight and there isn’t much you can do about it though. Just keep it in mind if you have a critical time/place to be somewhere.
• On a long flight wearing your seat belt (even loosely) while sleeping means the flight attendant doesn’t have to wake you if there is turbulance.
• Wearing a mask is not a bad idea

While you’re in the security line, take all your shit out of your pockets and put it in your carry-on. Same for your belt.

Chug water before your flight, and do you best to board with a full bottle that you keep chugging during the flight. It keeps swelling down.

I used to be a window seat gal, but now I specifically get an aisle seat for any flight over three hours. That way I don’t have to bother waking anyone up if I have to pee.

If you hit some scary turbulence, just remember that planes withstand them. It feels scary, but the danger is due to bags or people that weren’t strapped in flying about. So, grip your armrest, imagine you’re on a rollercoaster and enjoy the ride.

Pull the stick back, houses get smaller.

Push the stick forward, houses get bigger.

A towel, [The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy] says, is about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value. You can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; you can lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; you can sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a miniraft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for use in hand-to-hand-combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (such a mind-boggingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can’t see it, it can’t see you); you can wave your towel in emergencies as a distress signal, and of course dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.

Traveling with a towel in my carryon bag has saved my ass more than a couple of times. It’s a towel, it’s a pillow, it’s a small blanket, it’s a privacy shield, it’s a surface to sling your fake watches to passerbys and earn enough for your return flight home.

Want to freshen up prior to landing or during a connection at an airport? That towel will get you dry after washing up, brushing your teeth, etc. No silly paper towel, or Dyson hand dryer nonsense.

You will be in close quarters with a lot of people. People suck and will be inconsiderate fucks. Airlines are shit and have you by the balls in terms of delays and shitty service.

Go in with low expectations and don’t make yourself more miserable by getting upset about it

No matter how much experience you have as a pilot. You should always use checklists for routine operations and emergencies.

Have flown over 100 times.

my tips and tricks:

• be patient
• show up early
• try to get the aisle on long flights
• take just one carry on luggage and nothing else if you can manage it
• sit and wait and get on at the end of the line once it reaches the door and store your one bag by your feet
• pee before you get on the plane
• give the plane attendants a bag of candy and thank them and be kind to them
• bring earplugs