I thought I wanted to study piano, which means at least a bachelor. To this end I started saving and 6 months ago spent $40K on a small grand piano that I only play sometimes. I always relied on school and church pianos to play, but these are old, overplayed, cannot be properly tuned (old), the sound is awful and the mechanic too hard. Now at least I have my own grand.

The next logical step would be to stop working full time, work 20 to 30 hours a week to free time to practice, hire a teacher to prepare repertoire and music theory for a year, pass an admission exam, keep working part time and studying piano, end the bachelor, then rethink my life.

But I’m blocked: I’m scared of wasting money (teachers for instrument and music theory would cost at least $4.5K for the whole year, 2 hours each week).

I’m also not really sure I want to work part time: I’d earn half what I do now and while it would still be enough to cover my monthly costs, I’ve grown used to sleep, go to work, work, buy groceries, go back home, cook, eat and relax. I’ve grown lazy and sometimes don’t recognize myself.

The easy way here would be to forget about studying piano, play my instrument exclusively as a hobby, keep working full time a job I’m not passionate about but it’s solid and pays my bills and that would be it. I’m also in a union, so I’d have to do something outrageous to be fired.

But I sometimes hate myself for being so lazy and wonder, how come I cannot step out of this rut?