I, just wanna stop feeling anything. Never had friends but I could live with that, but I just want someone to embrace, someone that feels something for me, even if doesn’t last. Better than 0 for the rest of my life. This situation is slowly killing me.
The only thing that gives me some relief is gaming… (I read the post of like a ago here that several dudes met their partner thanks to a videogame and I felt even sadder, why that wasn’t me? I’ve been gaming for 30 years now).
Only child of two parents who worked full time, growing up in what is essentially a retirement community. Not a lot of other kids around. Got used to playing by myself. Spend enough time as a hermit and you get used to it. You get used to the stillness.
I build things. When I’m building things, I end up in this head space where basically any feelings go away and I’m just doing. Concentrating on dimensions and operations, making things work. The part of my day when I’m not doing that and have mental time for feelings is definitely worse.