Are you radically different than your younger self? Are there key elements that have stayed the same? Most parts? Do you feel as if you’ve followed the “roadmap of life” or forged your own path? Have there been “chapters” or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow? Share what you’d like!
Am I radically different than my younger self? Hmm, I’ve become truer to my younger self than I ever was in my early-mid twenties.
I grew my hair back out when it started thinning because I had it grown out when I was a teenager. I only ever cut it short to please others. I figured If I was gonna go bald, I’d enjoy what’s left while I had it.
My politics moved left from the neoliberal views I used to hold once I realized how entrenched financial interests were responsible for almost every longterm societal problem. I figure If I become A full blown tankie by the time I’m 72, I will have done something right.
I have always been a staunch atheist but I have recently discovered the peace associated with spirituality like that proposed by Sam Harris. Philosophy has become much more important to me in general. I’ve always wanted to volunteer in my community and now I do
I realized that sometimes life won’t let you follow the road map no matter how badly you want it. -All I can do is try not to stress too much over it. I’m In the latter half of my 30s now.
Yo, can you explain this tankie thing? Cause I seen people being grumpy as fudge about it on here. And I was like - what? Is? A? Tankie? YO!? And then I tried to look it up and was further confused and said I just don’t think I get the internet. I’m gunna chill for the rest of today. And so, I did =P!
I too enjoy a cup of spirituality. I was going to church for a spin or three (I used to go to a temple but I don’t have one around) but I have such utter grumpy feels about finding that someone might have diddled a skittle that I dropped it all for now. I figured I’d just keep going in my own way. Philosophy is a blast, I was practicing stocism for a while because I am an extremist. But then looked at Putin, figured he’s probably the most stoic human being alive and decided to drop it.
I’m glad you got into the volunteer scene =)
Same age homie-g! Sounds like we’re walking some similar brain-goo =)!
Are you radically different than your younger self?
Oh yes. Younger me was an intolerable little shit.
Are there key elements that have stayed the same? > Most parts?
Lots of stuff. Getting older is mostly additive, hobby wise. I’m just worse at all the physical aspects of each hobby.
Do you feel as if you’ve followed the “roadmap of life” or forged your own path?
I had a pretty clear plan and stuck to it. Make the pretty beep beep computer box dance, and charge people money for doing so.
Have there been “chapters” or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow?
Definitely separate chapters. 0-2: Literally full of shit. 2-22: Full of shit, because I didn’t know any better. 22-32: Full of shit, but working on improving. 32-42: Getting my shit together. 42-62: Still full of shit, after all that effort. 62-Dead: Probably still full of shit, honestly. Hopefully in a fun way, by now.
I’m at 35, still full of shit, but indeed getting it sorted out and pulling my shit together is a theme since last couple of years.
I also make computers do beep boop :). Wish you many good years before you <3
Oh this was fun. I think I was laughing through the whole lot. Hahahaha! You’re funny! Beep-boopers of a certain era are goofs, idk if it’s some intelligence -> wit type thing or what? Either way, keep kicking until you’re not. Sounds like you’re a goodun’!
p.s. - I like your talk about hobbies growing, but skill lessening. I love drawing, but it’s gotten harder for me cause sometimes I have MIckey Mouse gloves for hands. But I still love the act, so you know - even getting scratch down makes me =)
Most tastes and values stay the same. I feel less emotional intensity and motivation for everything though, for better or worse.
Mentally, learning is harder, thinking is slower.
Physically I will get sore more and more easily if I don’t stretch and exercise, but by the same token I am in a better state of fitness than ten years ago.
They always played up that anyone can learn anything at any age but it really does get harder as you get older. I’m not sure if it’s because of obligations, the juices slowing down (less plasticity), or just having less of a feel for it. Kudos for the fitness and cheers!
Age of empires
Addiction issues, I see =P!
I have much less wonder now, and it is ruining my day to day enjoyment at times. It is hard to dream big when you know more about the world, and how corrupt it all can be. They call it depression, but when reasons are provided for lack of opportunities it’s seen as downright shameful to be upset about it.
I miss the times when I was more naive about the world, it made it all interesting.
Arnold H. Glasow basically covered this indirectly when he said “the fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.”
I must be the biggest idiot on Earth =P!
I just had my first child and discovering the world with him has really been eye-opening to the “small things” again.
Have you ever thought about sparking your creativity? Idk if you like anything, but Lynda Barry’s Syllabus is kind of a fever dream but I really dig it. But I mean, just finding a way to get some of that energy out might help?
But yeah, everything sucks. Idk what the fuck is going on with anything anymore but it all sucks. I had to make a PieFed account to turn off the piles and piles of awful bullshit you can do absolutely zilch about. So I get this stuff, the art, the science news - all super! And someitmes I hop over to the other side and I am regretting it abotu three seconds later.
And I could do news if things were so cyclical, half the stuff wasn’t ads for people/things, and there was something I could actually do other than feel fucking horrible over what I am reading. And I know knowledge is power and ignorance is a privledge but hot damn - what am I going to do about even one freakin’ piece of news I read on this site? Like, what are others doing?
Eh.
Big hugs, you got this. Just keep going, and maybe life will send you roses. Or even if it doesn’t, maybe find joy in the small stuff? Eh.
Reminds me of the events that transpired over the last half a decade or so.
Over the last several years my mental state was deteriorating. Stress accumulated. Various stuff, employment, overworked, underpaid. Inability to afford housing. Covid. War overseas. Had a mental breakdown at some point. Ended up on meds and in therapy. After multiple sessions was informed by my psychologist that “the reactions you’re exhibiting are normal for a person that has experienced all the items and stress associated with all we discussed up to now, unfortunately I cannot help you as the response is perfectly normal and there’s nothing wrong with you”
I still don’t know how I feel about that specific statement after several thousand dollars of therapy, but I guess it’s better than assuming my depression isn’t “good enough” to be real depression.
There’s a good chance the world should be ashamed to be in the state that it’s in, not for you to be ashamed that you finally see it as it is.
You might like this hidden brain on languishing and how if unadressed it can turn into other mental health issues. But basically the concept is you’ve got everything you need - yet you still feel this uneasiness inside your being. Your call, but it was an interesting listen. *It is tied to an author who just published a book just a heads up.
I had a listen, thank you.
Unfortunately it does not resonate with me since the issues I faced… or rather still currently facing, are basic things that are missing, for example not having a safe space or being able to afford a place to call my own in which I could even think to begin to thrive. It’s not that the shrink didn’t see my problem, it’s that he understood that most of these are socially engineered problems, that given proper legislation from the government for social services and habitat and controlling/reigning in the rampant runoff capitalism that we’re experiencing would alleviate or resolve, and unfortunately he, being a medical professional, is not able to assist with that. He validated that I was indeed exhibiting symptoms of severe depression from these items and did the best he could, but even today, the situation stays much unchanged in most of those items. And no, I don’t have much hope for anything to change in the future, despite all the social movements we’re seeing pop up.
I’d love to be proven wrong.
Hey thanks for giving a listen. I thought it was a interesting thing to hear. Cause you see, one of my lovelies just had a babe. She’s setup, I’m happy. Life is good, or not. Cause like legit she’s going through it. But I also have a friend, brilliant buddy, actuary (so he makes that $$) but he sort of always feels this low-grade depression haunting him. He figures it’s just life. These kinds of things make me think. And make me think this guy, maybe he’s on to something. Just it’s nice to have a sit and think about stuff you know?
The only thing that helps me exist in the space you’re talking about is two things. a) Letting go of what I cannot change. Because I cannot do a damn thing about a majority of the crap going on in the world. And the crap that is affecting my life directly. Like you said, it’s a rigged thing. You just don’t have much agency over these kinds of things and we’re all setup in different ways even from before birth. Which is naners when you think about it. Your shrink sounds like he is a realist, but it also sounds like he didn’t do much to help you big-picture. Just confirm your feelings. Which I mean, that’s big because when you spend your whole life thinking “am I crazy or…?” that shit wears on you. But also, I can say from my (piddly but very meaningful) experience with my shrink that I can ramble (and can’t I?) and rattle off all the shit oozing from my brain. But then she kinda like gathers it and helps me sort it out. And then she like, helps me not feel so shitty about it all by offering an alternative (not correct, not happier, not better) perspective and lets me have a think on it. And if I dig it, I take it. And if I don’t, I let it go. And it kinda helps because we’re very similar people as far as I know. And I am so thankful she’s in my life. But legit I found her on Open Path and went through scores of people (just tabbing through) until I found someone who resonated with me. Which has sorta been the thing that has worked for me as a whole in my life. I head on through life, and the people who resonate with me tend to be the people who help me grow. So like, maybe you just haven’t found your right fit yet?
But all shit aside, you’re not alone in a lot of these things. And finding ways to mitigate the pain, while not adding to it long term (like addiction) is super good. If you’ve got even a 4x6 space you can carve out consider popping some hitt into your life. It helps with a lot of things, but first and foremost it’ll slow your brain down a bit. And then maybe spend some time refinding yourself. Figure out what you like, what you don’t. If you don’t like anything right now - maybe find something you could like or reembrace something you used to like. And if you’ve got even one human being you can talk to regularly (and I am talking like guy at the gas-station, online, childhood homie) just keep doing that. Cause they will help pull you through this.
Just work little by little. I bet you there’s a sea of people on here who will tell you they didn’t think their lives would get any better than they did. I felt like I lost it all at one point in my life. But you just put together the pieces little by little and you come out stronger for it in the end. It feels like shit the whole way, but it’s way better being emotionally on top, than being drowned on the underside. You just gotta find the path that works for you to that point. And you’ve gotta know that you aren’t the only person feeling this way. And of course there’s a million ways you can go about it. But yet again, try to go the healthiest because it’s easy to keep smashing yourself to pieces instead of grabbing the glue. Gl =/
I understand you’re coming from a good place and I appreciate that but it seems I might’ve given the wrong impression, so let me clarify as a wrap up to this thread.
I am employed full time, making decent amount of money as far as the average pay in the country is concerned. Work conditions are decent.
I do have a place to rent but it goes up in price every year with no justifications and no work being done to correct or address a lot of the issues it exhibits, including but not limited to the ever growing heat problem (much hotter indoors), electrical issues, bathroom mold and deteriorating cracks in the walls/stairs to name a few. Fighting this is futile or lengthy and costly, something my wallet and my mental state cannot afford. The alternative is either let it be or move to a different place, similar circumstances or slightly improved, but with a much higher cost associated.
I also exercise every other day and while it definitely has its merits, it’s also rough to convince myself to do it every time. I think I missed a total of 4 days of exercise so far this year. Discipline wise, I feel that’s alright.
I agree that the shrink is not a one-doc-fits-all and it’s important to find the one that resonates with you, I also feel bouncing off ideas from people outside of your comfort zone is important as it provides a wider perspective on things which you may not have considered otherwise.
While he did not do much, he did confirm the diagnosis of a severe depression and has helped enough for me to conclude that I’m not insane, and similar to millions of others, just a victim of circumstances and consequences of social and economic policies that push this burning bus downhill ever faster.
Most of the items I experience are not a matter of perspective, it’s a matter of fact, global warming, unaffordability of housing, stagnant wages, anti consumer practices just to name a few
Ultimately, my point is that I don’t want to mitigate the pain, I want to not have to deal with it in the first place.
Just because I can keep fighting and reassemble the pieces again and again, doesn’t mean I want to. Repairing the cracks doesn’t make you stronger no matter what people say, the glue only helps so much and there is always a toll paid when reassembling broken stuff. I understand when people want to compare it to the Japanese art of repairing stuff with gold but it’s never that nice, you don’t come out stronger in the end, you come out assembled in whatever configuration allows you to survive and with less energy for the next run, but with more disdain for having to do it again.
And again.
And again after that.
To summarize: I’m just tired.
I figured you were probably employed, just living in a space of paycheck to paycheck and feeling exhausted from drowning in a system that takes so much and never seems to give you what you need to ride the wave instead of fighting it. Rent is a brutal tunt, and it showed me how many people in positions of power are secretly conservative scum. Because people kept warning “Biden” that if he does x -> rents were going to soar. And rents have jumped up at an insane rate. Forcing a lot of people who were otherwise living independantly to move back in with their folks. But what happens when you don’t have that kind of safety net?
And yeah, I once talked about how rentals are a crapshoot because your land appreciates regardless. So you don’t do a damn thing to fix it. And most people who are renting can’t do a thing about it. Even with organizations formed to assist them. I also think all new housing has become an amorphous blob of greige. Where they justify the rent by the “luxury” facelift they did on a crumbling mold-infested apartment. It’s a frustrating state. But I really don’t know what I can do about it, other than hold an opinion that it’s bunk af.
I only said working out, because it helps with depression. But if you’re hitting it, you’re hitting it. I just was pulling stuff out of the aether because I know it’s stuff that has helped me. If it helps you at all - I just grabbed a bunch of resources and drew up a handful of workouts I can follow. So that I can do what I want to do. Idk if it’s the right thing, but it gets me to do them. So eh, it’s alright with me =)
I mean, I am a big talker and a big lover of people. And I agree with you. I stated here somewhere that I actually do have my own issues with people who would be considered “snowflakes” or “sjws” because some of them are just as angry and one-sided as the opposite side of the coin. And in general, while I can’t say I hate extremist (because I am one, as in - I am a very extreme person as a whole) I do hate people who seem either a) 2D or b) unwilling to communicate with others. But in a healing sense, I have spent my entire life being “the other,” “different,” and “weird” and it’s very nice to be able to communicate with someone who listens to the brain-soup I’ve got going on up there and commincates with me on what I’ve got to say while being very objective. Because it helps me see things in a different way and lets’ me smooth out some of the wrinkles. The reason why I love my therapist so much is because she knows how to communicate what I need to hear, while not making me feel awful for how I am feeling or what I’ve said. And I think that really helps when you’re speaking from a super vulnerable space. But maybe it’s not for everyone? It works for me. And to be honest, it’s why I suggested it for you. Because I have known a couple of people who have gone to therapist - get the “answer” they wanted to hear and then disappear. But I think it’s more of a contignous thing personally. Especially when you’re as hurt as you seem to be.
Also, if you keep going to shrinks you might be able to get on disability if you need it. Because I read depression is the main reason why people are on it. And it sounds like it’s something you keep coming back to. I mean, I’m not a doctor or anything. I just wanted to say you could validly, if you needed to, make steps towards leaving the rat race. But also there are like…other gigs you could consider. You might need a career change? I’m not saying go back to school, but maybe work for a cause that you believe in. These jobs are harder to find, but they are out there.
I hear you on repairing the cracks. I once talked about how a guy I heard on Rumblestrip Vermont described a broken heart as something that keeps getting smashed up until all you’ve got is fine powder. In general, it sounds like you had certain expectations from life and they didn’t line-up. Cause I found in my life, the biggest disappointments come from misaligned expectations vs reality. But yet again, I’m just talking from my end. And that ultimately it could be very different for you.
I’m only 24 yet can see by now where the crochetiness comes from.
I feel like the world has gotten way faster than it was when I was 24. Idk if I could say the same about the gen above me because Gen X was freakin’ bonkers. But for sure it feels faster. I’d be in the same boat.
In my 20s I got really optimistic about aging. See I was unschooled and never really had any life outside my home life, which wasn’t great. Didn’t get a high school diploma and starting my first job felt impossible.
Soon I made a group of friends, I discovered art, and I felt like I was capable of learning and growing and having a fulfilling life. I actually looked forward to being 30 because I thought I’d have matured a lot and learned how to live.
30 now. My friends were toxic. I lost my passion for art. I can’t find any work outside of retail and I can’t get an education because I’m so busy making ends meet. I feel like I’ve regressed into the worst version of my shut-in child self. I work and I get what sleep I can and I have no relationships.
I really hope this is part of the process.
Friendships can be just as hard as relationships. It’s kinda like how people get married without being prepared to commit and invest. Same with friendships.
You’re going to be okay. It might fucking suck right now, but you’ll be okay. I am not sure if it is still around, but there is a thing tied to everyone’s social security that can give you a free-education under x-amount of dollars ($30k?) training underutilized individuals w/ higher education and the trades. You could be a CNA if you’ve got the openess to it, you can do CNC training, you can do radiology tech stuff, dog grooming. You could do workforce at a local college. Maybe get a cert in wastewater which pays well. Or idk, robotics. It’s factory work, but it also pays well. It’s kinda like CNC from what I hear. You can do some freecodecamp.org on the low or Odin Project if you’ve got the time. I think following a class would be a lot safer, because you are kind of forced to a rythm over self-study. I wish I had more, but I know this much! Oh phlebotomy as well, you can study that. An ex of mine was fucked and then studied medical billing. They followed jobs across the US (recruiters) and ended up super wealthy. So that’s pretty cool.
For some people it’s really clear what they want and where they’re going. And for others it shifts. It sounds like you knew what you wanted, and then realized it wasn’t working. You can give up on art, but you know…you can find others to make art with who are fuck-faces. I have found sharing the joy of creativity sparks more. I’m making an equisite corpse with someone right now, but if you wanna make one too - I’d totally be down. Whatever medium, I don’t care. Just let me know.
I’m around =)
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Just the other day I had to help my gal who is actually super, super active but reached down to move something (what? I can’t remember) and just ended up lying on the floor because she pulled her back. Was sad =(! Is always sad, pertaining to everyone. Oh, backs!
How have I aged… to quote the tourettes guy, “You look like 200lbs of bird shit!”
I’m the poster child for The Road Not Taken. It’s been a weird and wild ride.
The same since single-digit age:
- Still strongly align with the Party of the European Left (I’m from USA)
- Still a devout zoophilist
- Still prefer vegan food
Different at 62:
- Less physical strength & flexibility
- Switched from theist to atheist
- Learning to enjoy my irrelevance
You sound like an absolute blast, and I dig it. 10/10!
Sounds like you’re doing life right, whatever roads you took to get to where you’re at =)
Still a devout zoophilist
Sorry, a what now?
Wait, hot damn I read that as like someoen who loves animals. Eh, life! Okay. Well, it takes all kinds. Not in love with that. Cause you know, consent. But I can’t say a damn thing about it. Because to be honest, I knew someone else who was of that life many moons ago. They told me cause I’ve just got one of those faces people be telling shit to. Felt the same way when they told me. Not about that life. Not exactly happy about it. Not really sure where to sit there. But I don’t really have any say in it in this department.
(I def legit thought it was like being a vegan =P!)
And before people come knocking on my door I don’t have contact with this person. I had no actual knowledge of anything they did. I don’t even know if they did anything. Because as far as I knew, they were a virgin (which they said). And all things aside, it might have just been furry stuff. But I don’t know because I literally DO NOT KNOW!!! So no, I didn’t report animal abuse or anything, because I literally had nothing to do with it other than just like…hearing it like someone telling me they like eating farts or something and then it was gone.
Don’t fret, just wanted to check I understood right, is all
Your initial reaction was correct; I’m viscerally opposed to using animals for sex.
There is a world of difference between a zoophilist and a zoophile, but i understand how easy it is to confuse the words.
Ah, jesus - thank god! Cause I loved the vibe on you. You seemed like a real firecracker. But god I gotta say, not into animal cruelty! Phew! Yeah, animal rights, all the way! Hahahaha! Ah, jeez! Yeah. Sorry about that, saw the person’s thing and since I grew up with the lowest bar of education I thought I had something wrong there. PHEW! Thank you.
Also, I donno if I thought you might have had a penis, but the person who told me that jim-jam also didn’t have a penis. But all things aside, I hopped into your profile - saw you had a husband and figured - it takes all kinds(?) and that you might be a woman (statistically speaking) but also you know…life? But also a vagina holder, hey-yo!
As I’ve watched the continued and utter destruction of our natural habitat, the increased pollution and started reading up on climate changes effects and Limits to Growth I realised I didn’t want to be part of what was happenig and wanted to distance myself as much as possible from the people who were. Being surrounded by people and things that make you sick in the mind and body is not what I wanted. It did take a near death experience to catalyse the thoughts into actions though.
I had a change of life about 25 years ago, am now 57. I quit my job, my wife at the time didn’t want to take that journey with me, so got divorced. Now have a parter who does, live frugally (which I always mostly have, just back then I had lots of surplus income I invested, now only a little surplus income from said investments) and am debt free in a little cottage in a small town. A few missteps along the way, as I am not the all seeing eye.
Looking back my regret was not doing it sooner, never been brave I guess ?
Interesting segue, my next door neighbour is a recently retired crane operator who installed windfarms with mega cranes and before that was a lawyer and before that emigrated from another country.
I am so freakin’ unbelievably thankful to be with someone who didn’t start from a place of minimalism but ultimately arrived here. Because it just makes life so much easier. You don’t buy a bunch of junk. You don’t consume a bunch of junk. And simple comforts reign supreme. I am glad you guys are happy and you’re living simply. I am not sure what big picture will happen with us. By that I mean, I don’t know where we’re going to go or how we’re going to live. But I think a lot of stuff is up in the air for most. Glad you guys got to escape the rat race though.
About to turn 58 here. Can’t complain. I’ve led a pretty productive life, always stayed busy. No children, always taking on a new hobby. Backpacked frequently, kayaked, fished, always tried to learn something new. Kept a garden, built a garage bigger than my house, put up fences, remodeled my house plus a rental property. Doctor’s assistants would tell me I had the heart rate of a professional athlete or something like that. However a few years ago I slowed down dramatically. Gained 30 pounds. Back hurts more often, sore muscles don’t heal as fast. Use it or lose it as they say. I still have most of my teeth and all of my thick luscious hair so there’s that haha. Yes I do view my life in chapters. I’ve stayed the same person but have grown less optimistic
Someone said something that really struck me. I just wish I could remember who, they are (or were? I imagine they’re still alive but who knows - sometimes this stuff all blends together) a queer photographer who recorded the sexual activities of same-sex couples and self. Either way, she said something on aging like “I always thought I was young, until I went to the doctors and suddenly I walk out and I’m old.” And you could really feel the frustration and pain in her words. It made me sad, because sudden health issues can really take you down a peg or three. And you don’t usually know about them until you’re on the ground. But I will say my mom’s partner is about same boat (but older) and he kept about the same thing going on. And while he can’t do things as actively as he used to - he still stays fit using a rowing machine and he still keeps-a-going. So I know (from what I’m reading here) you’ll figure out a way to get what you need.
But not only that, and I always joke about this - but you’ll want that little bit of fat on you for when you get older cause I swear to god you get hit with some sickness and if you’re too skinny it just wipes you from the Earth. At least as I seen it when I worked in a home =P!
Okay, that’s it, you dun-did good and may you keep doing well =)!
I’m essentially the same but with more wisdom/experience, less anxiety, and worse health.
Sounds like there’s a lot more samies than I thought there would be. *High-five!
Less anxiety! *High-five!
Worse health…*Low-five!?
So far, mid 20s and over the last few years I feel it’s ever so slightly harder for me to be on my knees. That, and I naturally lean a lot more into one foot when standing at the sink doing dishes, so I find I gotta sit after doing dishes to rest whichever foot was being leaned on because I usually take a long time doing them.
Seeing younger people easily overcome the hurdles we once struggled with.
