Are you radically different than your younger self? Are there key elements that have stayed the same? Most parts? Do you feel as if you’ve followed the “roadmap of life” or forged your own path? Have there been “chapters” or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow? Share what you’d like!
So far, mid 20s and over the last few years I feel it’s ever so slightly harder for me to be on my knees. That, and I naturally lean a lot more into one foot when standing at the sink doing dishes, so I find I gotta sit after doing dishes to rest whichever foot was being leaned on because I usually take a long time doing them.
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Big hugs =(!
While I don’t have kids, I did live next to methheads for a good chunk of change and they wrecked my sleep and I think they made my brains go further cuckoo and for sure aged me up. Sleep is such an integral part of existing, I hope they calm down soon and you get some solid zzzs. Perhaps naps might help? I am not sure, and I don’t know how much you take care of - or if a partner is in the picture - and how much they take care of? But either way I’m sorry it sucks so much. I hear it’s worth it big picture =)
I have an amazing wife and we share responsibility for our two kids. My 3y old sleeps well for the most part and our 1y old will get there, too.
Chances are you would have been a worse parent 10 years earlier; full of energy, but not enough experience to know how to parent well, and perhaps harboring a secret resentment for crushed dreams.
10 years later, those dreams are already achieved/crushed and those kids are the next big project in your life that you can pay full attention to. When you’re caffeinated, of course.
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Same
=(!
Seeing younger people easily overcome the hurdles we once struggled with.
When I was young, I was angry all the time. Now I’m a lot more chill. It took me a long time to internalise the idea that losing my temper always made things worse instead of better but I’m glad I did.
when I was young, I was hopeful and immortal. Now I’m seeing the doors closing, the ship sinking, and the person I see in the mirror is beginning to resemble someone I don’t like.
Idk your gender, but a transwoman once told me that testosterone feels like being behind the wheels of a really fast car and wanting to push the pedal down all the way, all the time. I think transpeople as a whole would do wonders for gender studies, but eh! I wonder if it’s like that and I am glad you didn’t end up doing anything so drastic it messed you up for life. Here’s to more non-violent living =)~!!!
The bigoted version of me from 10 years ago would be shocked to know he is queer and a socialist
closet case me would have his mind blown to know that there are classically beautiful men that are into average looking chubby bears; i regret not enjoying myself in my 20’s every time i get to envy all the 20 somethings enjoying themselves to their fullest at the clubs.
at least it’s fun to enjoy it vicariously as i watch them have fun. lol
I have some friends who never ended coming out. I mean, they told me they were gay, but they tucked that shit so far back it was in Narnia. I once seen Luenell say something like “It don’t matter what you look like honey, as long as you can make them laugh!” But really there’s all kinds and I have always felt in this world - as long as all individuals are down with the tango - let it rip! Don’t agree with the chase though, that’s just creepy. Let it go~~~~ (By that I mean one-sided interests)
You know one thing I can tell you is that I came up in the gay clubs and it was fun and cool and a certain way but I don’t really know how wholesome it was. And I remember always talking to folks and telling them that I just wanted to create a space that was healthier for young queers to traverse that didn’t have to just be at night (and I guess bookstores?)
But I think while everyone kinda lacks third-spaces now - that queers have a pretty accessible support network online. And some in person, depending on how they assemble. But either way, I think there’s a lot more you can do than get wasted and mack on someone nowadays, and that’s pretty cool. Cause it leads to healthier relationships with self and others I think.
One thing though, I will say you gusy can go to gay bars. Like actual bars, not clubs. If you’re into that kind of thing. Cause men of all age ranges hang out at those. But it’s also kinda a scene, you know? I’m not a gay man, just a lesbian who’s sibbies are gay men. So I love hanging with my guys. Big hug to ya sweet bear <3~
I’m not a gay man, just a lesbian who’s sibbies are gay men.
a group of lesbians came into the club i was at sunday and you could feel the disappointment oozing from them once they realized the kind of club it was; they were clearly dressed for dancing but the only booty shaking that happens there is of the prurient kind. lol
it seems to happens at least once a night and i think it shows the distance between the 2 groups but i’m glad they weren’t a gaggle of straight women this time; whenever they show up, they like to dominate the space to get between the men having fun and that makes everyone else leave.
Oh yo! You do club down, cool! Hahaha. Yeah I was like plenty of time to catch up if you’re down. Hahahaha! Gay men have robust club lives, I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives. Idk why the hell women gotta go at it like we’re cats and dogs. Gay men are a blast, and I’ve had a great queer life along side of them. Yooooo, but legitimately I was doing this whole Stonewall thing this one go-round and laughed cause it was the same story. You had like that one dyke to eight gay men. Would crack me up. Hahaha! Those ladies could have been chill and etched out a space for themselves cause legitimately gay men do not care if you join the party. And I’ve run through the gamut. You just chill, laugh and love. (God that sounds like eat, drink, love or whatever but seriously I’ve had a blast going through the gay scene of America =P!) Plus, if you’ve got a vagina you don’t get roofied. So that’s pretty cool.
Oh but true story I think the statistics for queer people are actually pretty interesting. Idk if you ever looked into them, and there’s still a lot of speculation surrounding them. But it’s really crazy how everything lines up. And if you give it a think you’ll be like - damn this really reflects the scene I’ve seen.
Also straight women are/were(?) horny for gay men. I think it’s cute. I think it’s probably a lot less nowadays, but hot damn when I was out gay men were like candy to them. Hahahaha! I think because they get to hang out with guys, but have fun in a less-gender coded way. Shrugs~ Idk they were kicking folks out basically, but I mean that’s so…life. Right? Cause every time you get a niche vibe going, the “normies” (some folks hate this shit and it is biased so whateverrrrrrr - you get all the spaces, give us some!) come through and change it all. I’ve lost a couple cities in my lifetime to that shit, and I just feel so let down by how things have changed in that way.
Ooo, since I have you here. Let’s talk cruising! Cause I brought it up recently and I thought about it (also joined with the statistics things). Don’t you think it’s fucking bananas that people in this day and age are still living those double-lives? Like, can’t we just let it go and let people just be? Is it cause they want the “best” of both worlds? I never could figure it out, but I thought maybe it’s cause of something like that. Give me your two cents if you’ve got it. I know you came out later in life, and idk where you life so maybe you’ve got a different feel for the whole thing. Let me know though~
I joked that all the lesbian clubs shut down because we were too busy sitting in bed reading books next to our u-haul wives.
rotflmao
YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO btw, I seen you’re brown-town. Heyyyy =D~!!! I saw the POC lemmy the other day and was like IN to it! Good stuff on there. I was happy it existed and of the stuff it had. Even if there are (now) six people there =)! Whatsup my brother <3~!!! Indigie too (HI) =P~!!!
what’s POC lemmy?
My knees and lower back remind me that I’ve aged.
Just the other day I had to help my gal who is actually super, super active but reached down to move something (what? I can’t remember) and just ended up lying on the floor because she pulled her back. Was sad =(! Is always sad, pertaining to everyone. Oh, backs!
I feel like I’ve been hit by a couple of SUV’s and only barely able to claim to be in my 30’s. A few years ago I had an xray done and was in a room waiting for a doctor. This random guy walked in and asked my name, age, and if I had just had my scapula xrayed. He said He had to double check that nothing had been mixed up because my bones looked like someone in their 80’s… Maybe avoid actually getting hit by those SUV’s. My folks are in their mid to upper sixties, but I’m still the slower crochety one, unless I’m on a bike. For all you mid to old farts, there is a reason so many of us are on bikes. It may seem impossible, hell, I can barely sit up or walk, but it is amazing how bad of shape a person can be in and still ride a bike when it is properly setup and fit to the person. Without riding I fall apart both physically and mentally.
In other news, I expected the logarithm of day length verses lifespan to level out so that days seemed like a stable unit of mental measure, but the slowdown never happened and a day is an impossibly short amount of time.
That’s fucking miserable. Jesus christ? Genetics!?!? Idk. I mean what do you even do in this situation? I know they fix that shoulder joint. But idk if they fix that back part. But Jesus! I can’t see your name when replying but you wouldn’t magically happen to be that person that I talked to in the dancing molecules article chit-chat? Cause if you are, and you’re still lined up for surgery god bless. If not, and there is some kinda treatment I hope somebody’s got your back and you’ve got a little time you can point towards that. Ooph. This hurt to read.
Thanks
WOAH! You are the person? My guy, you were on my mind the other day because I literally was told by my doctor that they might have to go forward with an operation and I was like “I guess it’s you and me both brother” and sent some mental sorrows your way. Hahahaha! God, I hope that operation goes well. It sounds like it’ll be okay, I mean it sounds awful, but it also sounds like you’ve got a clear path to being maybe 60 or even 40 instead of 80. Just hot damn! Big hugs =X!
Early 40’s and often get mistaken for early 30’s. I think I’m doing pretty okay on the aging front. Having a daily skin care regimen from a young age works wonders.
The hair’s starting to gray though, so we’ll see how long it lasts.
t e l l . u s . y o u r . s s s s e c r e t s s s s
I work out six days a week and I moisturize twice a day, after I shower and before bed.
That’s it. Easy.
what workout do you do, high intensity stuff, cardio or more low key stuff? Do you use a single cream for your whole body, or seperate stuff for body and face?
I do cardio six days a week (treadmill or recumbent bike depending on my mood). I lift five days a week, alternating upper and lower body day-to-day. (so three upper body a week and two lower body) Observing your rest days is important and will actually aid in muscle growth and help you maintain a younger appearance.
I have body lotion for the neck down. I use separate face and eye creams, one set for daytime and one for night time.
I thank yee sir
Sure thing!
At the end of my 20s I can feel that I’m becoming stupider. Reading texts or just thinking about a problem take more effort than they used to.
I know I keep saying dumb shit all over the joint but like…uh…you ever think that maybe you’ve got an undiagnosed mental condition that’s messing with you? Or that maybe you’re not eating well enough? (I only say this because the Brain-Gut connetion) Or just like…idk, not giving yourself enough time to decompress? Cause legitimately you might be exhasuted, you might be depressed, you might be malnurished, you might be ADHD, you might just need to run. I mean could be anything, but if you feel like you’re losing iq you might be suffering from brain-fog or something like that. Idk, I’m not a doctor. I’m just saying like…there might be something to it, you know?
A fun-tastic little shit blow-up I had two seconds ago at a certain pizza human showed me that even though I age I am still the same little shit throwing monkey. There’s a super indulgent breakup song called Keep Your Name where the singer points out that his ex was changing and he’s always just felt the same. To be honest, no matter what I’ve been through I always just seem to be the same. Same! Me - I don’t know if that means I have just an absolutely solid sense of self, I am a wretched asshole, or there’s just all types in this world. And yes, I understand that people change no matter what. That’s life, you will change as you grow. Things will be added, things will be taken, and some stuff transforms. But I have a habit of writing out lists of things that I want and the overarching themes and idealisms have always been the same. Even my diet, while shifting here and there - always seems to be based off the same set wants (I am a chronic veggie lover, it’s really a problem). I have always found this very funny as a whole, because I cannot stay static as a person. Not sure if you’re heard (or figured it out) but I am ADHD as fuck. And even medicated, I crave that sweet, sweet chaos of change. Yet I seem to be me -> being me -> being me -> being me. It boggles my mind. Shrugs?
I love embracing change, but there are some things I still find challenging, particularly when it comes to forming close relationships. A lot of how I react and behave today is shaped by my early experiences. Growing up, ADHD wasn’t well understood, leading to harsh and toxic reactions from my own family. Facing constant verbal and sometimes physical abuse meant I had to learn how to defend myself from a very young age. This environment forced me to develop a quick, strong response to conflict—a mechanism that’s become a part of how I assert myself today. Even though I’ve grown a lot and tried to adopt healthier ways to handle stress, my defiant nature can still emerge when I’m under pressure. This often leads me to push people away before they can get too close, as a way to protect myself from potential hurt or betrayal.
Recognizing and working through this is a big part of my journey towards healing. I’m trying to understand these behaviors and, hopefully, change them for the better. However, it’s been a struggle to shake the feeling that I might not be capable of being truly loved, given how ingrained these defensive responses have become. My journey through life has been marked by significant challenges that have both shaped and tested me:
As a child, I faced severe misunderstandings about my ADHD. This chaotic environment, marked by multiple interventions by Child Protective Services (CPS), taught me to be fiercely independent and self-reliant. These qualities, while helping me navigate many of life’s challenges, have also made it difficult for me to form close personal relationships.
Due to these experiences, I find it challenging to follow instructions or requests without fully understanding the reasons behind them. This need for clarity and purpose is deeply rooted in my early years, where confusion and lack of understanding led to significant consequences. If I don’t see the logic or purpose behind an action, my immediate response is to question or resist it, a defense mechanism developed to protect myself from the unpredictability I faced during my formative years.
During my teen years, I faced continual challenges with acceptance both at home and at school, which eventually led to legal issues and incarceration. However, my release from detention became a pivotal moment for me. I met mentors who guided me toward a more positive direction, ultimately inspiring me to enlist in the Army.
My early to mid-20s brought some stability through the structured environment of military life. It was also during this period that I began sharing my life with a partner, learning about balance and mutual support in a relationship. While I had no problem getting close to others, my challenge often came in the form of defiance, a trait deeply rooted in my need to assert independence and protect myself from past vulnerabilities.
As I transitioned into my mid to late 20s, I moved into civilian life and pursued my passion for technology. This phase was crucial in building my self-esteem, as I found success and fulfillment in my career. However, my personal life sometimes struggled to keep pace due to my guarded nature, which often made me hesitant to fully open up in relationships.
My early to mid-30s marked a period of career advancement and significant life changes, including a major move supported by a new job. This time allowed me to establish myself professionally, but it also brought personal challenges. The death of my father and the impacts of the pandemic were profound, testing my emotional resilience and forcing me to confront and manage new waves of grief and stress.
Recently, I’ve dealt with professional burnout and personal loss, prompting a move back to St. Louis for a period of reassessment and new beginnings. This has given me a chance to reflect on my life and the patterns that have defined my relationships. Each chapter of my life has taught me about resilience, adaptation, and the importance of staying true to oneself. My life hasn’t been easy, but these experiences have shaped me into a more resilient and empathetic person. I’m still learning to navigate the complexities of love and intimacy, hoping to one day fully believe that I am worthy of being loved just as deeply as anyone else.
I started going to therapy, but then I lost my job. I’m planning to go back ASAP.
Hahahaha! My guy, I feel this so hard. Hahahaha! Aww man, I had this whole thing with my gal the other day. I was talking to her and I was like “Did you know spanking is abusive nowadays!?” And she was like, “It was abusive a bit before that.” And I was like “You mean, like the 00s? Like 20 years ago?” And she said “No, a bit longer than that.” And I was all like “REALLY!?” I mean idk, they spanked us all the time growing up. They’d be all like ‘get the belt’ and shit and then you had to go get the belt and…oh…! Okay, I see it now." And she was all like “exactly!” And then I went into this whole tangetal thing about switches and yada, yada. But anyways shit’s genetic right? I swear to god my father was ADHD because he had handwriting that looked like a crumpled towel. He always had to be “doing” something or “going” somewhere. And when that man was mad, hot damn you better get the fuck out of site. That man would throw punches, chairs or people - but something was getting tossed and we all made the rounds. We were getting checked on by CPS too, cause the school kept calling on us. But my dad could talk like liquid smoke. I mean that man was smooth. And he was personable and really got it on with most folks but us. So they’d come - do the dance (if we were around he would make us hide outta sight) and then leave and it was until next time.
My queer awakening was 10/10 my brilliant spark of joy. Cause I was out of the house (at 16) and I for sure as FUCK was living. Even if I was making BUNK. Even if I didn’t have SHITTTT - I had friends. I had poon. l had a gig that I could work. Life was good. I woulda gone to the military like you, cause I come from a military family. But legitimately Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was being plastered all over the joint and it just didn’t seem like a environment condusive to my being. I’m such a faggy flamingo and I laugh sometimes thinking about what all military service would have done to this little maggoty brain.
Sounds like whatever you did in the military worked well for you cause you landed with a structure, a partner, some friends (?), and the gi bill =P! Yo, you’re from MO? I seriously (seriously) know some of the sweetest folks from down there. I’ve got a lot of love for the Midwest as a whole, but hot damn there’s something about the location that can spark up some sweetness. I glossed over the dad stuff because I have had this kinda wonder how I’d feel when he dies kinda thing that floats by time to time. But ultimately we haven’t had a relationship in over twenty years. So I don’t really know or expect much. Eh!
It sounds like you did okay, even though it was a shit-sandwich the whole time.
I heard there’s a lot of burnout in tech around the 10 year mark. And I think that’s why a lot of people pivot from dev roles to management. Not that anything is easier, but I think you just get to use your brain a little less intensely. I also (although can’t prove it) think tech is becoming super ageist. Which is weird considering the more you’ve been around it the more you know? I think more so it’s because you don’t have to pay grunts nearly as much and the customers will buy/use what you’ve got even if it’s a taped together buggy mess.
You sound like you’ve been going through it again at the end there. Check out Open Path they might be able to cut you a deal. Look for someone who specializes in what you need - and you vibe with. Don’t get stuck with someone who doesn’t make you feel safe. I heard about this organization through milspouse and it might actually help you. I don’t think it hurts to reach out, and you might legit find a gig through it. I’ve also heard about this through milspouse too and while idk much about this one, you might actually be able to work for these guys though. Cause you’ve got gobs of experience and you probably know how to talk to people in a commanding way from what all I’ve read up there.
GL my dood! Keep your sparkle, keep going. Be careful if you’re dancing with the dark. Cause I heard men of your age and background can be of a certain risk to themselves. You know? So if you notice shit getting bad, find people you love and get them in your life yesterday. Okay?
Be well!
Thanks, I agree, it’s always been abusive, even in the 90s. My grandparents were the ones pushing him to do it, though. I remember overhearing a conversation between one of my grandparents and my dad when he was taking me to an alternative school one day. He actually pushed back on them, saying he didn’t want to do it. I saw him cry once when I asked him why he does it. He had a worse childhood than I did. My grandpa used to call him “fruit” a lot. But yeah, he clearly had ADHD and didn’t know about it. He had this whole system where he would write down anything he didn’t want to forget and he’d just cross it off the list as he got around to it. I saw my name on the list and crossed out once, lol. He never threw punches or anything like that. He’d just grab a belt after work if I got into trouble at school that day. There were more good times than bad; that’s why I always lied to CPS for him. I loved my dad and still do. It’s one of those situations where his dad was really abusive, he was kind of abusive, and I’ve sworn to never be like either of them. I’ve been compared to some Chaotic Good characters, and this is where the “good” comes from, I think. I decided early on to try and do what’s right regardless of what other people think due to the dynamics between my father and his father.
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell turned into “Don’t Ask, Don’t Harass” once Obama got into office. I thought that was pretty cool. The structure was the best thing for me, honestly. I’ve been trying to recreate some of that, but it’s been hard. Like just now, I went for a run around the neighborhood like I used to do right after getting out of the military. It’s kind of dumb, but this is my favorite cadence to run to. Your left foot is supposed to hit the ground when they clap. It helps you forget about running.
The burnout was due to being on-call while simultaneously being underpaid. I wasn’t allowed to really go anywhere because if I missed a call, then my backup would get called, and that always seemed to cause issues. I had to work all day, and my evenings were usually filled with emergencies too. Many nights I’d be stuck on a bridge for 6+ hours when I should have been asleep because some service went down and it was all hands on deck until service was restored. After my dad died, and right as the pandemic was starting, I quit my job and basically took an extended vacation for the next 8 months until I felt back to normal. The next job was a dream come true, but it was temporary because I was on a 12-month contract (the contract got renewed once, so it turned out to be a two-year gig). I had another job after that which wasn’t a good fit, but I’m fully committed to DevOps-type work. I’d love to be a manager though, maybe I’ll look into that. Anyway, I could never get burnt out from this type of work because it truly is my passion. I’m planning to get two jobs this time and work both of them simultaneously. It’s called Overemployed. I’ve also started an educational website tailored for people with ADHD. It’s going to be gamified in a way that makes learning easier for people who have a learning disability. I was thinking I might apply for a government grant too just for some extra cash if I qualify. Tech seems ageist to me, but only because my coworkers have always been older than me.
I’ll check out those links you sent me. I’m mostly fine, just dealing with RSD from ADHD. It’s all in my head though. I’m trying to get over it with exercise, but I may have just gotten the push I need to really make a change. Those are just statistics, and I don’t feel like they apply to me. I’ve had plenty of counseling and training, and I know myself very well. I’m in a really good place mentally despite the hardships. Doesn’t mean I don’t struggle sometimes. I’m just lonely, not suicidal, ya know? Thanks for the concern, though.
And I’m not old yet =) You be well too
Oh yeah for sure this stuff comes from intergenerational trauma. My grandfather (not by blood, but by upbringing) was a horrible wretched soul. My grandmother was a saint, and I’d pop anyone who says otherwise =P! (Okay that was a joke, I pass a fist) But legit I heard this man was some kinda monster and I honestly do not know how many people he’s hurt big picture but I do know that his ripples can be felt even after his death. And I talked about this once before but it was crazy how all roads led to “fag” and men weren’t allowed to be or do anything for generations based on those limitations. Things have kinda changed, but it’s still not there. Aww man, my dad had levels of rage. I am still terrified of that man to this day. Even though I know logically - what’s he gunna do? But I can still go back there. But I mean I think we can do that with all sorts of emotions and memories are just kinda like that - you can go back to what you remember. And yeah, same here - if he was mad at something else hot damn he’d take it out on us. Was a mess. I am glad you reconnected and got to a place where you could sorta heal that image in your head and gain some more closure. I hear that’s the upside of all the chaos, but I think in my case I’m just gunna let sleeping dogs lie. Cause I really don’t have much else I can do. And the few times I have tried to reconnect with him over the phone he started getting mad a couple minutes in. Which stinks because one of my sibbies kinda has that flamey temp too. And they’re both bigguns’ (and I am the size of a pinkie =P!)
Hahaha, nah man - that running beat (which most def had to be inspired by call and response negro spirituals) is solid. I picked it up right off the bat. One of the only military folks I know now - that’s their thing too. They got out and all they do is run, helps them feel connected to things. But I think they listen to electronic stuff, but it could follow a similar beat you know? Structure is almost impossible to follow to a T with ADHD. I cheat by changing things up just enough that it doesn’t drive me bonkers. A simple example would be like going one road over on your circuit next week to see different things. Helps keeps stuff interesting.
Being on-call is a poop. I think you’re supposed to get paid extra for that, and people are on some bs because they’re always trying to figure out how to weasel the most “productivity” out of someone while paying them the absolute least they can get away with. Legit, it sounds like you know what you want. And it sounds like you’ve got tons of passion and energy. I straight heave (on the low-low) heard of a lot of devs smashing dual-gigs and raking in the cash then investing that and getting out of the rat-race early.
That ADHD site could be money, bc legit if you’ve got it you know how it is when you’re out here trying to learn and stuff is all over the place. One thing I will warn though, is that it seems there’s two camps. I NEED MORE INFORMATION ALL THE TIME NOW, NOW, NOW and - I need this cleaned up and in tiny bites please. I’d look into the science of it all but I do know that there’s a huge issue transfering short term -> long term so clean information is really important. I was reading this site based off an article I can’t seem to find anymore (???) cause the post is gone. But the design was so choice on mobile because it was so clean and easy to read. And I always get so frustrated trying to read stuff outside of “reader” mode because most designs are too much. And it’s why I like PieFed cause it’s relatively (the threads are a bit smooshed together horizontally so I don’t always get it) easy to read. But ne ways, you’re gunna be fine one way or another. If you have too much trouble flex your military and coding experience and utilize it to get a gig. Cause sometimes you gotta use your edge to get ahead if the fish aren’t biting. And it’s pretty rough right now all things considered.
Thank you for opening up and sharing such deeply personal parts of your history. It really resonates with me, as my relationship with my dad evolved in ways that are both similar and distinct from yours. While my father also had a strict and intimidating side during my early years, much of that was influenced by my grandfather, who pushed him to be that way. However, as I grew older, our relationship changed significantly.
During my teen years, my dad shifted from that authoritarian figure to someone I could genuinely connect with. He became the “cool dad,” and our bond strengthened as he started to reverse course on his earlier strictness. He let me throw parties at home, mostly when he wasn’t around, and often came home to a house full of people. It was wild—lots of weed, alcohol, and yet he mostly took it in stride. He even had a jar full of condoms in the kitchen at one point, not that I needed that many, lol. It was his way of showing trust and support, which went a long way in healing the wounds from his earlier parenting style.
While my dad and I grew closer, my grandma and mom were always kind and supportive figures in my life. Their warmth balanced out the harsher moments and gave me a sense of stability.
I really understand where you’re coming from with the complexities of deciding when to reconnect or when to maintain distance in those relationships. It’s never easy, but I hope that sharing our stories can help us both feel a bit more understood in our journeys.
Hahaha, I totally get what you’re saying about the running beat—there’s definitely a call-and-response vibe there, and it’s cool how different things like that can connect us. Running really is a great way to stay grounded, and it makes sense that your military friend finds that connection through it, even if their music choice leans more electronic. Structure can be a real challenge with ADHD, so I totally relate to the need to mix things up. I’m always craving change, too—whether it’s taking a different route or just switching up my routine, it keeps things interesting and manageable.
As for being on-call, yeah, it’s definitely a grind. I was supposed to be paid extra for that, but the company never followed through, and I only found out about the legal requirements after I’d already moved on. By then, I was just glad to close that chapter and didn’t care too much. But it’s frustrating how companies try to squeeze out as much as they can without fairly compensating people. I completely agree with the idea of pulling off dual gigs, stacking cash, and investing to get ahead of the rat race. If you’re looking into that, you might find this community really helpful.
You’re spot on about the two camps with ADHD—either needing all the information at once or wanting it in clean, bite-sized pieces. That balance is definitely something I’m focused on. I’m aiming to create a design that caters to both needs, making sure the content is organized, clear, and easy to navigate, especially on mobile. It’s frustrating when you’re trying to learn something and the design just gets in the way, so I’m putting a lot of thought into keeping things as clean and readable as possible, even without “reader” mode.
I totally get why you like PieFed. Clean design makes all the difference, even with a few quirks. As for the job market, yeah, it’s rough out there, but I’m ready to flex my experience. You’re right—sometimes you’ve got to use whatever edge you have to make things work.
But honestly, it’s not about the money for me. I have a real passion for Linux, which is going to be the main focus of the website at first. With ADHD, I know how tough it can be to learn—everything I know is self-taught. That’s why this project is so important to me. I want to create something that makes learning easier for others like me. I’m committed to keeping the website free for everyone, and I’m looking into applying for grants to cover the costs so that it stays accessible to anyone who needs it.
Yoooasf;klahflkhfafksh!!! Legit like a freakin’ lightbulb here! I mean this might be absolutely bonkers but what if you could switch the way things are displayed like “light/dark” mode and create an accessibility revolution!? Then just code things to hide or show depending on what the individual selects. And you can set a default view in your profile? Idk, maybe that’s like trite, but I feel like if more sites offered cleaned up minimal views I would use them. That gucci mobile view is so choice. When I see a readable mobile site it’s like butter to my eyes because it’s so easy to read and I’ve got one of those Amoled screens (and a phone bigger than my hand =_o!) so it looks so slick!
10/10 you can get those grants. You can also get help building it if you need by checking out cool websites like this one that are run by exceptional human beings. But it’s also totally cool if that doesn’t sit well with you. And 100% learning things can be brutal because we both need an incredible amount of guidance but also the space to learn our own way. And I know my ass learns, thinks, communicates most def differently than others because <<<< Look at all this =P! I’m hyped for you though, seriously. You ever need someone to toss stuff around, I’m here =)!
Early 40s with 2 active kids under 9. Nothing works any more, constantly exhausted. 20 year old me had no idea.
FIX IT!
Aww man, I’d be six feet under. Ugh. Not saying kill yourself, just saying I feel your exhaustion coming through the screen. On the plus side, you are explicitly forming the hope of the future. And that’s pretty cool. And when they’re grown, and hopefully they’re doing well - I really hope you feel pride through all the pain and exhaustion. Cause you did something/and are doing something phenomenal. I hope you’ve got some solid support?
I’m essentially the same but with more wisdom/experience, less anxiety, and worse health.
Sounds like there’s a lot more samies than I thought there would be. *High-five!
Less anxiety! *High-five!
Worse health…*Low-five!?
About to turn 58 here. Can’t complain. I’ve led a pretty productive life, always stayed busy. No children, always taking on a new hobby. Backpacked frequently, kayaked, fished, always tried to learn something new. Kept a garden, built a garage bigger than my house, put up fences, remodeled my house plus a rental property. Doctor’s assistants would tell me I had the heart rate of a professional athlete or something like that. However a few years ago I slowed down dramatically. Gained 30 pounds. Back hurts more often, sore muscles don’t heal as fast. Use it or lose it as they say. I still have most of my teeth and all of my thick luscious hair so there’s that haha. Yes I do view my life in chapters. I’ve stayed the same person but have grown less optimistic
Someone said something that really struck me. I just wish I could remember who, they are (or were? I imagine they’re still alive but who knows - sometimes this stuff all blends together) a queer photographer who recorded the sexual activities of same-sex couples and self. Either way, she said something on aging like “I always thought I was young, until I went to the doctors and suddenly I walk out and I’m old.” And you could really feel the frustration and pain in her words. It made me sad, because sudden health issues can really take you down a peg or three. And you don’t usually know about them until you’re on the ground. But I will say my mom’s partner is about same boat (but older) and he kept about the same thing going on. And while he can’t do things as actively as he used to - he still stays fit using a rowing machine and he still keeps-a-going. So I know (from what I’m reading here) you’ll figure out a way to get what you need.
But not only that, and I always joke about this - but you’ll want that little bit of fat on you for when you get older cause I swear to god you get hit with some sickness and if you’re too skinny it just wipes you from the Earth. At least as I seen it when I worked in a home =P!
Okay, that’s it, you dun-did good and may you keep doing well =)!
Are you radically different than your younger self?
Oh yes. Younger me was an intolerable little shit.
Are there key elements that have stayed the same? > Most parts?
Lots of stuff. Getting older is mostly additive, hobby wise. I’m just worse at all the physical aspects of each hobby.
Do you feel as if you’ve followed the “roadmap of life” or forged your own path?
I had a pretty clear plan and stuck to it. Make the pretty beep beep computer box dance, and charge people money for doing so.
Have there been “chapters” or do things all sort of slide into one contiguous flow?
Definitely separate chapters. 0-2: Literally full of shit. 2-22: Full of shit, because I didn’t know any better. 22-32: Full of shit, but working on improving. 32-42: Getting my shit together. 42-62: Still full of shit, after all that effort. 62-Dead: Probably still full of shit, honestly. Hopefully in a fun way, by now.
Oh this was fun. I think I was laughing through the whole lot. Hahahaha! You’re funny! Beep-boopers of a certain era are goofs, idk if it’s some intelligence -> wit type thing or what? Either way, keep kicking until you’re not. Sounds like you’re a goodun’!
p.s. - I like your talk about hobbies growing, but skill lessening. I love drawing, but it’s gotten harder for me cause sometimes I have MIckey Mouse gloves for hands. But I still love the act, so you know - even getting scratch down makes me =)
I’m at 35, still full of shit, but indeed getting it sorted out and pulling my shit together is a theme since last couple of years.
I also make computers do beep boop :). Wish you many good years before you <3
Most tastes and values stay the same. I feel less emotional intensity and motivation for everything though, for better or worse.
Mentally, learning is harder, thinking is slower.
Physically I will get sore more and more easily if I don’t stretch and exercise, but by the same token I am in a better state of fitness than ten years ago.
They always played up that anyone can learn anything at any age but it really does get harder as you get older. I’m not sure if it’s because of obligations, the juices slowing down (less plasticity), or just having less of a feel for it. Kudos for the fitness and cheers!
