May you step in dog shit every day and be oblivious until it’s pointed out by someone else.
I hope you step on a lego block
That is violent…very violent
Randomly appearing pebble in their shoes
All of their drawers are missing the thing that keeps them from pulling all the way out so they end up yanking the drawer all the way out every time
Mine never had those anyway. It’s not at all bad once you expect it.
May your children be just like you.
Unforgivable. Should have just killed me.
Every 24 hours, at noon, small rock appears in one of the shoes they are wearing.
They will grow a 5 inch translucent hair from the top of one ear every time they drink coffee.
15 minutes after they ride a bicycle they will have violent diarrhea with 5 minutes of warning signs.
Alcohol has no effect on them.
Every time they turn the steering wheel of their car further than 5°, their turn signal indicates the direction that the wheel turns.
They can hear what their dog or cat is thinking over any distance, but it is only a stream of consciousness because the animal is incapable of understanding that their thoughts are being heard.
Alcohol has no effect on them.
You’re going to have to try again for this one.
- a teetotaler
Every bedsheet you ever buy will get terrible pilling within a month (even the expensive ones!)
So cruel! I like it.
Oh not the pilling!!
May your day be as pleasant as you are.
Your socks will never feel dry again.
Hey! I wanted to say this. 😡
To me? 😦
No, just to all the cursed people.
Just one sock. And it switches when you start to get used to it, like a plugged nostril.
May your toilet seat be forever frozen.
Or oddly hot… like someone’s only just finished a 15 minute blow out
You son of a bitch.
I’m in.
May your toilet paper forever tear lengthwise.
May you start every sentence with “Like,”
Like whyd you have to do that? Like its so annoying!
Scoob!
May your butthole itch after every shower
May you have to take a donkey dump 10 minutes after every shower.
Oh shit I’ve been living under this one.
May you get the hiccups every time you need to be calm or confident.
Get a tax bill
An arch cramp for 2 minutes every day at a random time.
You mean this spasm pain in the foot? Damn, they are annoying!
or a jaw cramp.
Ideally while you need to explain something important
Ooof. Or that thing in your chin just under your tongue.
yup, that’s the one!
I hate those cramps. They are the worst
