Haters gonna hate…
Nah, it’s just you lot. Normal people are fine.
The dude is my wife’s gay best friend for life.
In our early days of me dating my now wife, dude was my wife’s roommate. The two of them moved to a larger apartment to better accommodate two people and pets. Guy almost immediately quit his job and stopped paying rent. He contributed nothing to the household (didn’t cook or clean) while also feeding the cat enough treats to make it obese (something that is having follow on consequences years later). He also didn’t eat home cooking, and racked up a massive debt by eating McDonalds almost daily.
His above actions left my now-wife with a drained bank account and in a horrible mental wellness condition. She needed to travel for work, and so as she left, he moved in with his “big farming daddy” on the other coast and I had hoped he was going to be out of our lives forever.
Apparently that relationship didn’t work for him. So he moved back to his parent’s place where he struggled to keep a job. After ~2 years of no job or education/training, he was eventually kicked out of his parent’s place.
And so right as my wife and I finally have a stable working situation with our careers that we could make work for the next 25-ish year (read as: to a slightly early retirement), ol’ boy shows up on our doorstep with <24 hours notice saying he needs a place to stay while he “attends college”…in one of the most expensive areas to live in the U.S…“just out of coincidence”
He is the same age as I am, and I’m having to take my ass who worked through a STEM college degree, a military enlistment, and YEARS of network building to build a stable life for me and my wife and put it on hold for him. We had hopes of an early retirement that are being postponed to ensure this leech has money for gas and food to eat in campus.
So yeah, I hate that bastard. But he’s my wife’s friend and is reasonably charismatic, so no one “gets what my beef with him is”.
Dude, just kick his ass and send him back home. Your wife can’t hate you forever for it.
Friend, your wife is enabling his abuse of her good will. If he’s not going to contribute and help out the people helping him, he might just need to figure it out all on his own.
I’ve been in that situation with my own “friend”, and the only way to win is to not play their games. Playing the game just gives them the ability to manipulate your feelings and the sunk cost of time and money from the ‘friendship’ to continue the abuses.
Frankly sounds like his beef should be with his wife. That guy didn’t drain her bank account, she did.
Well I hope it feels better to have vented that. I try to remember people don’t have to do anything to be valued or appreciated. My number will come up someday and despite my best efforts they will find I haven’t done enough. Why kill myself over it, or isolate myself from my friends, if I had any. We all going to kick it one day and if I can just spend my time around people who can also appreciate that fact, I’m good.
Woah! This guy does suck. But, why won’t your wife very reasonably tell him “no”? He’d throw a fit, but he’s asking an awful lot and giving nothing. You two will have to work more to support him… and that’s not fair. Is he going to be there for the next four years?! Does he pay some rent, utilities, and cover food? Does he have household responsibilities?
For all that is good, you need to convince your wife that this is a terrible idea.
Ive now got beef with him and I never met the guy.
I can’t name a single person—neither in my personal life nor any public figure—that I truly hate.
About five years ago, I started to really get into meditating and observing what my mind is doing. The person who got me into it was Sam Harris, and he’s also the one who planted the ideas of no self and no free will into my mind. Despite all the arguments I’ve heard to the contrary, no one has managed to convince me out of this belief. Because of that, hating a person is now almost entirely incompatible with my worldview, and I’m basically incapable of feeling hate anymore.
That doesn’t mean I don’t dislike anyone, because I do. But I dislike them in the same way I dislike rainy days or paying bills. I don’t act as if it’s someone’s fault that it’s raining outside. I don’t blame the person for who they are; they couldn’t have been otherwise.
I won’t say actively hate cause that implies a call to action, but probably my remaining parent because she allowed a family friend to abuse her children for years and called me a selfish brat when being sexually abused by an ex brought me to make an attempt on my life. She may be my mother but she ain’t my mom.
I kinda don’t hate. Because I am a lazy person and that takes to much effort. When I was younger my dad had a razor sharp tongue and if we would get into an argument he would call me all things in the world to piss me off. Then like in a couple minutes he was back to normal and I was still pissed off. I was like wtf. Then I learned his trick if you can upset the other person first you win. Then when I got older I knew his strategy and it got to the point where I remained calm as a mother fucker because I did not want him to win. Then when he saw he could no longer piss me off he threatened to fight me. I would laugh and walk away. He never laid a hand on me in my life or his life. Though in hindsight sometimes i probably deserved to get my ass handed to me.
I hate the father of my step children because he is a borderline personality narcissist with psychopathic tendencies who controls the kids with his money, threatening to spend money to destroy their futures if they do against his will. All this is basically taken from his behaviours that I’ve documented over the years, not from a doctor, but the long list of behaviors fit.
The guy writes like Trump, with “John doe, who is amazing” and “the horrible Jan doe” in long hundred messages rants at 3 in the morning which he then deletes later.
The kids are told to hate me and they comply or he will stop paying school and college tuition, and well, basically everything. He is legally obligated to pay for everything for them, but he continuously threatens to take the money away to make the kids comply. He’s from a country where, if he decides to run there, nobody will be able to touch him or his money, so if he wants to leave, that’s it. Kids know that me and wife don’t have the money to support them now, so they decided to live with him, even though they literally muliplei times have stated they hate him.
He has stomped in in their heads since they were little that if you’re poor, you’re a degenerate, you’re garbage. This is the reason why they now fear relying on public education, on getting a loan to study, etc.
He daily compares the kids to eachother, stating one is worse than the other, and why can’t you be more like the other, why are you such a disappointment?
He asks the kids for progress reports
He throws the tantrums in online family group chats, even though they live in the same house, yelling both in the chat (sometimes even with voice messages) and IRL.
He’s deep into conspiracy theories, spouting them all over whenever he can. Most recent one was that bestiality was now legal again in the west. He loves Andrew Tate and pushes the boys to be like him. Women are supposed to be mothers who work in the kitchen, or they’re whores (tells this to the daughter multiple times)
He continuously talks about degenerates that should be purged from society (LGBT, homeless, the poor, people with tax paying jobs)
He always bitches about the losers with jobs who pay taxes, who does that? Better have your money internationally in tax havens and countries that are out of reach of the western world, and always pushes the kids to do the same, don’t be a loser! If you don’t drive an expensive sports car, you’re a loser.
He has threatened me more times than I can count, assaulted me, tells the kids om a pedophile and a serial killer and they should never listen to me. Lawyers and police so far have too little to do something and if I lock his ass up, the kids will be left with nothing, again.
Every day he talks to my wife about how perfect a husband he was to her and that he’s the best father ever, and that she should totally come back to him. I’m of course the guy that ruined the family, stole his wife, stole all his money, corrupted his wife (though he blames her hormones too for walking away from her perfect husband who never did any wrong), etc… He was and continuous to be the perfect husband that never did anything wrong, so her walking away from him isjust crazy women doing crazy things because they can’t think logically with their hirmones, so he won’t blame her, its not het fault that she is a woman (pretty much a quote there).
None of it is true, of course, I stole nothing, I want nothing from him, but this is the rant that comes back over and over.
We call him the washing machine because he’s like one of those old turn know washing machines, the program just keeps rotating multiple times per day. He can play nice in the morning, yell at the kids in the evening for doing what he asked them in the morning , threatening to stop paying for their education multiple times per month. The program just goes around and around, there are at least three dramas per week every week.
Every time he has some big conspiracy inspired plan. Going to move to the middle east because the west is full of degenerates! Going next month’s, and I’ll take the kids with me! Kids all in panic. Week later the idea just quietly disappeared.
The kids are great. They’re smart, intelligent and very much understand what their father is. They pretty much love me for who I am, for supporting them however I can, and for making their mum happy. Having said that, they aren’t allowed to live with us, or even visit our house, because they’re supposed to hate me. My wife is allowed to go there and see them, she must feed them cuz he won’t, and then he will blame her for being a horrible mother who hates her children. So we have this secret double life where they secretly visit us. We are together and make pictures and I’m cropped out and that is what’s posted on Facebook. I’m always around, always somewhere hiding in the background so that he doesn’t see. I hate it. He doesn’t know, he can’t know, if he knows he will spend money to ruin the kids lives, which we won’t allow.
I don’t hate easy, but I see the harm he inflicts to my step children, the stress it puts on my wife, and there is not a fucking thing we can do without making things very hard for the kids. So we try and support them wherever we can. I won’t ever harm him but the day he drowns, disappears under a bus, gets a heart attack, gets picked by a serial killer, etc… that’s the day I will celebrate. At this point I hate the guy with a passion.
Truth be told, he’s a sad old man who is hated by everyone around him, but he had a lot of money, so people trwt him kindly in the hopes of getting some. He somehow does and doesn’t realize this, he uses money to control everyone around him, make sure they do what he tells them. But give it another 5 years and the kids will all be independent and dump his ass. He’s now bleeding money like a mofo in all weird expensive going nowhere plans all oncided by “friends” of his who tell him who to hate (the DeGeneres) and that he needs an even bigger, more ridiculous house and car to not be a loser. I wouldn’t be surprised that 5 years from now he’ll be at rock bottom, financially, and there won’t be anyone willing to help him because fuck, he is an asshole beyond any measure.
I fully realize I’m ranting here but it’s been years now and I haven’t been able to talk about this with anyone but my wife. I guess I need to write a bit
Being trapped by assholes with money because of your own good intentions is just the worst. You try to protect the people affected and can’t get away from others that revolt you to the core. It’s shit like this that lands good people in prison.
Stay strong and tell yourself, it’s just a few more years then I’ll never have to think about them again. In the meantime, protect yourself. He sounds like a lunatic that might go off the deep end when his power is done.
I don’t think you’re a hater. I think you are genuinely justified in your anger and that’s not hate that’s rational fear.
My kids know that the only person against whom I hold a grudge is my middle school earth sciences teacher because he borrowed a book from me and never gave it back, and denied for years that he had it.
A Princess of Mars by Edgar Rice Burroughs - not a rare book but my dad had given it to me from his childhood book collection.
fuck that teacher!
It’s mostly for fun, but when my kids asked me who my nemesis was, his was the only name that came to mind.
