basically I’m the quiet one and even though she never was my supervisor, she acted like it. I was doing my job and she kept pestering me to help her with something she could do alone. I told her to wait, she kept calling me. I ignored her to do my job, she kept calling until I exploded:
First I said I don’t want to argue. She kept nagging me.
I yelled: leave me alone. She started a chain of expletives and called somebody. I don’t know who she called, but I assume somebody from management.
She’s the popular one and has been working there for 15 years already.
Back to today: I work in the same department, but another building, doing exactly the same, but it stings that nobody ever called me to ask for my side of the story. I feel disrespected and angry.
This is also a job I haven’t been happy for the last 2 months, before this conflict with this coworker, meaning I’ve been applying for positions, both for promotions within my company (office job instead of mechanical job) and for jobs elsewhere. After finding out the real story, after knowing how much power a popular person has over you, I only want to move on as soon as I can to another department or quit altogether.
The rational solution would be to focus on the office job within the same company away from that coworker and that department, but I’m not making much sense now…
It hurts.
Is this the right way of going through life?
even though she never was my supervisor, she acted like it.
Did you clear this up with your actual supervisor? I’ve had plenty of cases where I’ve been given work by people not my supervisor, but my supervisor wanted me to help the other person out. And that no one wanted to hear your side of the story seems to suggest that this could be the case. You seem to be focusing on the popularity of your coworker rather than giving information on the reporting structure of your company.
It sounds like you aren’t happy in your given role at work, so you might as well leave. However, it seems like there may have been a different understanding to what your job is than what you thought it was.
You yelled at her. That is 100% not acceptable workplace behaviour.
I feel like you could benefit from reading AskAManager.org for some insight on how to handle conflicts at work.
I’m sorry to tell OP this is accurate.
That’s the things about bully victims getting the consequences. The bullies go as far as they can without getting in trouble, and they probe deeper and deeper and only get mild warnings. Because they understand the rules. If you get pushed over the line you get the consequences, not the nagger, not the bully.
Whoever goes to HR first is usually the de facto winner. Sure, there might be an investigation. But they got their side of the story in first.
Had this happen to me. I worked in a cubicle farm and had women on all sides who would talk about their sex lives from their cubes (looking over the walls like a gopher) with me stuck in the center. I asked if they could have their discussions elsewhere and one went to hr and said I was eavesdropping. I got the write up.
It feels like she isn’t really responsible but you are for yelling at work.
I get it people can be irritating but you just can’t do that at work.
She likely called HR. Which is the right thing to do I would say.
Seems like you’ve been moved because they weren’t comfortable working with you. Many people might get fired tbh.
Shouting can be incredibly intimidating and it’s not something I’d want to deal with at work.
Out of spite
Rarely a good move my friend.
Yeah I agree with this. The right thing is to try and learn from the situation, what could you specifically have done differently regardless of the behaviour of other people? I think in this situation if someone that’s not your manager is trying to give you work your best recourse is probably to go to your own manager rather than yelling at the person.
As others have already said though, probably not a good idea to use anger or spite as a motivator for anything. Learn what you can from the situation and then do what’s best for you. In this case if this situation has blocked your progress and enjoyment at your current workplace it’s probably best to move on. Take what you learned and apply it going forward so you can better handle the situation if it comes back up again.
Agreed. Also if you don’t like her and was not fired than good for you! You were not happy anyway. You possibly may not get a transfer to other department but now you have more motivation to leave asap.
From a managers POV, if it’s a case of he said she said it’s almost impossible to investigate fairly if there aren’t any other witnesses.
It really sounds like you might have an anger management problem. I think you should try and speak with someone equipped to deal with that because losing your job sucks but that issue can run havoc over your personal life.
It’s a terrible situation to be in but the first piece of advice I can give you is to make space to cool down. If you ever feel your rage building just excuse yourself and find a quiet place to calm down and sort through your thoughts - missing fifteen minutes of work to sort through your feelings is worth it if you can avoid shouting. We’re all adults and we want to feel safe in our workplace, shouting at coworkers may have forever broken that trust with many of them (especially if, like me, you’re a big guy who is physically imposing).
Lastly, don’t build up anyone as an enemy in your mind. Speak to a professional before you assign blame - otherwise you’re going to be more likely to snap again.
The squeaky wheel gets the grease (unfortunately) and she complained. You should also complain how she treats you so they know about it.
I went through something very similar where someone complained and got me reprimanded for something I didn’t even do as they mistook another’s actions for mine. Management wasn’t even interested in hearing me before reprimanding me. I was so fed up by that point I just quit. But I should have complained and made them hear my side of the story first, at least.
What do you mean by “popular”? The workplace isn’t high school. Everyone is expected to reasonably get along professionally with everyone else. If someone is on good terms with everyone in the workplace, that’s good. If your coworker was asking you for help with something, even if she could do it alone, maybe she knew it would be more efficient for the workplace as a whole if the two of you did it together, maybe she respected your input on the way the task got done, or whatever, maybe she had a good reason. You’ve not given us a lot to go on here. Without knowing the whole story, this makes you sound unwilling to be a team player, and like you have some behavioural/anger issues. It really doesn’t sound like you handled this situation well at all. Your coworker would be well within her rights to go to HR over something like this.
Edit: as others have said, if you find you often have trouble containing these sorts of outbursts you should seek professional help, eg. therapy.
maybe she respected your input on the way the task got done
This is when I knew I was starting to really learn how to do my current job, when people came to me with questions instead of the other way around. It took about two years, but it was a nice shift.
Cubicles farm are worst than high school. There is an ever ongoing political tug of war for pretty much every little fucking detail, and someone is always trying to tell you that you do your job wrong
Multinational companies are even worst because you have to fight off the other offices trying to meddle with your office to get what they want.
And then, when someone breaks because of the constant bickering, people come and tell them they are wrong for breaking.
Your whole post is a prime example of that.
The workplace isn’t high school.
It can be. I’ve definitely seen cases which were more high school than a professional workplace.
Letting rage take over is not the right path, never is. Give yourself a little time and space yo cool off. (Not to diminish that the situation sucks. It sounds terrible and I’m sorry for that.)
However, if you’re not happy at work, looking for a new place is the thing to do. Update your resume, and take your time to find a new job. Importantly, don’t quit voluntarily until after you find something else. Don’t get ahead of yourself.
