The kind of “privacy” you get by using a VPN or avoiding Facebook tracking your web browsing is absolutely not appropriate for using against a threat model that includes three-letter agencies or even, frankly, the local cops. They can just, like, come to your house when you aren’t there and bug it. Point a camera at your screen, station a dude in the closet, replace the computer with a cunningly painted cardboard replica of the computer which is a spy, etc. Or from the other end, they simply exploit a zero-day in every one of your seven proxies, because they care enough about catching you to burn them.

Sometimes the threat model says you just lose and you can’t actually get what you want by using computers, because you have an information technology hammer and a fundamentally legal or political problem.

If you think the police are actually on to your crimes, stop doing those crimes! If the crimes needed doing for some reason, someone else less likely to be known to the police will probably do them instead, and you can surely find less-crimey ways to further whatever they were meant to accomplish. If you’re in it for yourself for some sort of personal gain, quit while you’re ahead.

If you think you’re drastically overestimating the likelihood that the police are after you for your crimes, and it is affecting your ability to function, that’s definitely a problem for your therapist. Presumably one who doesn’t insist you explain your various crimes to them in detail, a thing which your lawyer (which you also maybe need?) might have concerns about.

I do a lot of risky and dangerous shit on the internet.

Maybe stop doing things that would get the police at your door?? There’s only a handful of things I can think of that would actually get police at your door for your online behavior and most of them are things that kind of make me ill to think about.

If it’s fucking up your life, stop doing it.

If you need to do it, go do it in reality.

Seriously though, if you’re feeling paranoid about everything, stop doing the stuff that makes you feel that way.

What’s the point of life if crippling, paralyzing fear is all there is to it? I work on being a good steward of my privacy as much as it brings me joy and satisfaction, not so much that it consumes every waking hour.

Whatever it is, review your threat model. What’s done is done and there is little that can be done to redact any evidence you may have left on the internet. Are you able to stop doing whatever it is that is putting you at risk of legal trouble?

If it’s an drug or psychological problem, you need to seek professional medical attention. Many people die or suffer life-changing illness each year fearing that their doctors will rat them out for substance abuse. Don’t be one of them. Patient privacy laws, at least in the US, prevent your doctors, therapists, etc. will protect you if you go and seek help. The main thing that they would have to disclose is if you make direct, credible threats to other people.

If it’s a criminal operation or worse, lawyer up and good luck.

Im not sure what to say with the risky and dangerous shit but as a person living in a country where an unmarked, untrained,unregulated paramilitary masked militia are going after people on pure pretense. I can say Im going to live my fucking life and fuck them all. Never before have I more understood this part of the lord of the rings:

“I wish it need not have happened in my time.”

“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

I am calm in the knowledge of my enemies dying before society’s grandchildren.

I’m very paranoid. I do a lot of risky and dangerous shit on the internet.

I don’t want to know what you do, however, if it’s causing this much paranoia, perhaps you should not do risky and dangerous shit on the internet. I know that sounds overly simplified, but if it’s that risky and dangerous, what’s the roi? Sooner than later, risky and dangerous activities get noticed. When I constructed my threat model, it included a lot of potential adversaries. However, I do this because I am a rather private individual, not because I want to do risky and dangerous shit on the internet.

I do a lot of risky and dangerous shit on the internet.

well… this seems to be the bigger issue. I’m not going to tell you what to do, but if it ain’t worth it, then it ain’t worth it. That seems to be what you are telling yourself.

If you’re ready to cut bait, then you just need to drop every connection that existed during that period. And start anew putting a solid line between before and now. Be the ringpop you want to be and act like old ringpop never happened. I suspect that guilt might be playing a part in your angst as well. The only way to fix that is to be a better man.

Hey mate, besides the therapist recommendations, which are great, I would make a plan on how to make an exit from any criminal and all risky/dangerous activities you do.
If whatever you’re doing is seemingly necessary, someone else will fill that role. Make the plan and follow it. If it involves moving or even switching countries, do that.

Creating a plan to exit will probably be calming and at the same time helpful when you make your adieu.

simply fake your death to avoid glowies in your system

I get panicky from time to time.

Then I try to remind myself of my threat model.

It helps me to re-center myself.

In a storm of emotion, logic can be my rock.

Panicking and paranoia is counter productive.

If you do “lot of risky and dangerous shit” then it’s even more important that you do so mindfully. If you get careless because you are tired you increase the risk.

Personally my “trick” is to learn from others, e.g. in few weeks in Paris there will be https://splintercon.net/paris/ where tools and processes will be explained. I can learn from them.

Also my way to stay calm isn’t just to be mindful or learn… but do stuff, no matter how small. If you learn about a new thread, address it today. It doesn’t mean fix the problem entirely (it’d nice if you could) but rather do something, ANYTHING, about it. If it’s not solved, write notes about it and resume tomorrow or whenever you can. Every small effort does add up over time.

Finally I find that sport helps a lot to “evacuate” stress. If I feel some pressure from work or the overall situation, I go outside and sweat it out. It doesn’t magically make the World better but it insures I’m a bit more in shape to try to tackle whatever is thrown at me.

Because my privacy is already f’d. I don’t like being tracked but the government would already have plenty of data on me if they really cared to collect it.

I actually don’t hide any information. I practice privacy out of principle.

I dont do anything actually bad on the internet. I have never even went to the dark web with the onion protocol. Im just not interested in the shit i would find there.

I use privacy tools because thats what I believe should be default. People deserve their privacy. No company or government actually have the moral right to take it away. They are supposed to be elected by the people to work FOR US. That part is just forgotten now.