Like she said “just come with us and the “喜氣” is gonna get rid of your depression”
Holy shit wtf?
Last time I went 2 hours to some stupid holiday family gathering dinner thing, it was MISERABLE, and my aunt’s kids be drooling over the fucking food and it was nasty as fuck, I think I got food poisoning last time.
Like I don’t even know this random cousin lol, we don’t even live in the same city, why the fuck did they even invite us to be a guest in their stupid wedding ceromony, like, I ain’t your friend lol. I don’t wanna go and have a panic attack wtf.
Fine, you believe your shit, I’m Jesus’s second son then, and I’m gonna lead people to create God’s kingdom (/obvious sarcasm)
What the fuck. Is there mass hysteria right now? How do these people exist? Wtf.
Honestly, this probably explains people supporting conservatism.
Like do I go to this stupid thing so I can prove my mother wrong? I’m gonns get more anxiety after this stupid event.
Like I don’t even like the cuisine, last time I went to a cousin’s “Sweet 16” when I was a kid, I HATED IT, the food SUCKED.
I don’t know how your “soul clensing” spiritualism is even supposed to work when the reality is, I will have a panic attack.
Sorry for the rant, I’m just so… bewildered at this stupid belief of “soul clensing” what the fuck?!?
Going to prove your mother wrong is unlikely to work on her side. “You have to be open to it”, “you have to accept it”, “maybe not this time”. There’s a lot of ways to deflect.
There’s psychological, social, and cultural reasons why people make those kinds of connections, form or follow those kinds of ideas.
For you, I think the question is, could the exposure and social interactions be positive [influences] for you, and how do they compare to the negatives you feel and wrote.
That’s a big reaction for such a harmless superstition.
I mean… I’m not exactly in the best state of mind right now…
Take a deep breath, it’s not really worth freak out about, and i do understand how tiring it is to navigate chinese superstition.
People believe weird stuff. It’s normal, get used to it. Try to politely get out of the attending the wedding if you don’t want to go. I wouldn’t use metaphysical explanations like “cleansing evil spirits” but yes, there are lots of people (“extraverts” if you want a search term) who do experience mood improvement by going to crowded events like that. I’m not big on it myself, but whatever works for you.
I understand that how you feel, and I also understand a mother’s beliefs. While what she’s saying is probably superstition, it also comes from a place of love, where she truly does want you to feel better.
Now, while what she said may be superstition, I will also say going to an event like that usually does help depression. Not because of anything mystical - but you’re out of the house, you’re with people who you care about and care about you, for an evening you don’t need to worry about anything outside of the wedding, it is meant to be an event to enjoy. All of these are proven to help with depression, and an event like a wedding definitely can, if you go into them positively and want to have a good time. If you go into them thinking you’re going to have a terrible time - well, you probably will. It’s what you make of it.
Either way, responding to your mother’s good wishes doesn’t have to be extremely negative, (and this is coming from a person who’s mother was a fundamental christian who tried to drag me to many many things). In this case, personally without knowing you I’d say go to the wedding. Worst case you get free booze and a decent meal. If you really don’t want to, then a simple message to your mom that’s like “Mom, I truly do appreciate that you’re trying to help me, but I’m just not ready for an event like this. How about we do something quieter?”. Acknowledge her trying to help, suggest an alternative.
Final thought: Could it be that she wants you to go with her not for your sake, but for hers? Does she need a plus one and she just wants to spend time with you, but maybe doesn’t know how to ask?
So, this is superstition–a superstitious understanding of real phenomenon, that being around people you like can snap you out of your bullshit and kind of reset your brain.
She also thinks weddings and family are that, because she’s stupid irrational and totally disconnected from reality.
It’s not normal, it’s superstitious claptrap
Just say no!
Don’t go, you’ll just be establishing a precedent.
You cannot “prove your mother wrong”. Ever. She’ll just find another explanation, no matter how convoluted or irrational, which she will comfortably believe. One of the keystones of many religions is the importance of faith over concrete proof. You cannot use logic to change inherently illogical, closely held beliefs. Tolerance, patience (and, when circumstances call for it, respect) is the best way to deal with people who insist on thinking this way.
You can, however, make choices for yourself. DO NOT GO TO THE WEDDING IF YOU DON’T WANT TO. You are every bit as entitled to your beliefs as she is. Under NO circumstances are her beliefs more “real” or “important” than your own.
A person’s religion gives them rules that THEY have to follow - not you.
the last time i went to a random person’s wedding i won their lottery for a pillow-blanket so you know what to do
(also what you mentioned is normal chinese thinking)
I chose the wrong Empire on my character creation screen 😭
Even changing allegiance afterwards doesn’t change some of the attributes of your party
Once you get past level 18, you can start picking your own party. You might need to keep some of the old members around as support for a bit, but building out your own roster can be way better than the starter pack.
When I was young, we had great big family get togethers.
My parents divorced when I was like 5. On my dad’s side we did Thanksgiving in the fall. And my grandma’s birthday in the spring.
On my mom’s side we did a birthday party every few months and put the closest names (3 to 6) on the cake. Christmas and Easter too.
Now that most of the older generation has pass away, we don’t get together until someone dies. And that sucks! Want to be happy to see each other, but the circumstances suck. So I’m usually pretty happy to have any reason to see them nowadays.
But if it’s only going to stress you out or give you a panic attack, don’t go… Not everyone was raised the same or grow the same. Do you.
I can’t really say anything about the spiritualism.
Like I don’t even know this random cousin lol, we don’t even live in the same city, why the fuck did they even invite us to be a guest in their stupid wedding ceromony, like, I ain’t your friend lol.
Do you really know that little about your own cultural heritage?
We don’t live in the same city. Under this current economic system, there’s hardly time to meet relatives 2+ hours of driving distance away.
That’s not the point. You’re free (or at least your mum is) to turn down the invitation with an excuse. They however are obligated to invite you else they’d be considered rude (again, under Chinese culture).
I grew up in the west, I didn’t bother learning about what “traditions” there are, because the way I see it, its a bunch of outdated BS that’s patriarchal, misogynistic, and toxic masculinity.
The only reason why I was even born was because my parents expect me to fund their retirement, but I’ve already gottem so tired of being controlled by them. I had to go the “after school” programs ever since like 2nd grade, and most days I was in school from 7AM all the way to 6PM when you factor in the after school BS. Its always those Chinese-American organizations where child abuse runs rampant because those volunteers basically go unchecked. That’s been the way for my entire time in New York City. And also the fucking SUMMER school programs. I’ve been in school more than I was at home during my waking hours basically. I’m so fucking exhausted. Every time we go visit NYC, its ALWAYS arguments with grandparents about stuff. NYC is plagued with horrible memories. Now I’m basically coerced to go.
So I have to deal with:
- Childhood PTSD memories that haunt me
- Family drama, yelling, arguments
- Anxiety/Depression
- A massive fucking crowd
- The fact that I have like less than 24 hours to find proper attire, or I’m gonna stand out in a crowd
- I don’t know anyone, so I’m gonna feel so alone
- Also, NYC, ICE agents roaming the streets and threats of military crackdown in Dem cities that can erupt any moment
(I’m typing this while my mood is very bad, sorry I didn’t mean to sound agressive, I’m just having a breakdown right now because this is stressing me out. I can’t afford to burn bridges with parents since authoritarianism is looming and economy is shit, I don’t wanna end up homeless, but I also can’t deal with fucking NYC. Fuck my life, really just wanna jump off a fucking bridge, its so painful.)
Never deal with people who are religious or ‘spiritual’. Theay are all delusional and batshit insane. Turn around, walk away, never look back.
I don’t think that assessment works as well in Asia and China as it does in the west, because spirituality and things like alternative medicine are much more ingrained in their culture.
Context matters, and depending on the context, you can still have valuable interactions with them as long as it doesn’t slip into those kinds of areas that you can block off.
Idk whats up with your mum but you should be attending weddings you are invited to
I’m not directly invited its more like “bring your family members” type of thing when they invited my parents. I don’t even know this “cousin”, it merely by genetics that we even remotely have any connections.
I was invited to a wedding and didn’t attend, because, just like OP, it would have been detrimental to my health. So while I agree with the sentiment, if you’d put yourself in harms way, stay at home. It’s best for everyone involved, since you probably wouldn’t be a great guest either, and that’s okay.
Why would going to a wedding affect anyone’s health in either direction? I guess covid?
A panic attack is an effect on ones health.
As a connaisseur of panic attacks myself, they are a good reason not to do something, at least not the same way. But luckily they do not hurt your health… I hope that’s true anyway.
What? Why?
It’s rude and antisocial
No? It’s an invitation. I’d have been disappointed if people I’d invited turned it down, but it’s not rude to decline.
I mean we’re just arguing opinions at this point. Plenty of people perceive declining to attend a wedding rude. It can be seen as disapproving of the marriage. Particularly if this is a close friend or relative. You better make absolutely sure that the couple knows you are happy for and supportive of their marriage should you decline a wedding invitation.
You’re right, it differs across cultures certainly. For a wedding of a presumably Asian cousin they don’t know in another city, that’s a tricky one. I guess OP might just be looking for an acceptable excuse but can’t find one.
No, not really. I think it’s more rude and anti-social to expect everyone you invite to your wedding to show up.
Some Asian parents are like that. Just ignore them saying spiritual shit but do attend the wedding
A lot of people here don’t know Asians culture trying to apply their western doctrine here.
While I don’t fully disagree with what a lot of comments here have said, I’m not sure if that’s exactly what you want.
But yeah, if you decided not to give a shit, then you have two options, the first and obvious one, which has been mentioned by other comments, would be the nuclear option: pretty much just cut off all communications with your entire family. If you do want to preserve some relationships while not giving a shit, then prepare to receive some awkward stare and be talked behind your back.
If you want to maintain a healthy relationship with your family, then you should attend that wedding. Otherwise, you better have some goddamn good excuse.
In total, you have four options.
