My 15-year-old son let his best friend (17) pierce his nipples while they were home alone with stuff they bought online. My son came to me afterwards to confess because “dad, what if it gets infected or something!!!” (post-thrill clarity?). Wasn’t mad (mainly disappointed); took him to a professional piercer & doctor to check it out and apparently the piercings were positioned well & there was no sign of infection, also got an aftercare plan. So I’m wondering now what? Obviously it was a dumb and reckless action but for some reason it doesn’t feel “groundable” to me. I feel like I should do something but also not really? We had a good open talk about everything though.
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” - Rita Rudner
Pierce his other nipple
Who’s got the damage? The kid himself.
I would explain to him that I would never have approved it for exactly this reason: the (nearly) permanent damage to his body. Because I care for him. And when he turns 18, he will be responsible for his own body, and he will hopefully protect this body from any further damage.
deleted by creator
Yeah, that’s what I meant by open talk. Also about open communication. Like he could’ve discussed it with me and why didn’t he.
deleted by creator
If he talked to you about it, you probably would have talked him out of it. Tells me deep down he knew it was stupid, but he wanted to do it.
I would talk to him about that part of it, help him recognize the choice he made to ignore your voice of reason in his own head.
I wouldn’t punish him for it, especially because he came to you to talk about it, but he’s getting closer to the age when he has to really pay attention to that voice in his head because you won’t be with him for every decision. Although, my kids often act like having to talk to me about things is punishment enough.
Glad to hear it didn’t go wonky. One of my friends in college pierced his own nipples on my couch.
So, now you know he’s getting into grown up stuff. If you punish him now, he will learn to hide these things from you to avoid punishment. Rather, just have a pleasant conversation about it. Be interested, share any related stories you have (if you have any tattoos etc, or maybe something “dumb” that you did at that age) Let him know that he can come to you with these things. That way you get a chance to direct him (next time you want something pierced, let’s find a professional.) instead of it happening in the shadows behind your back.
Agreed, grounding as a punishment seems wrong. Use it as an opportunity for developing his wisdom. He knows better now. And there was probably a little voice telling him before it happened that it was stupid. He should learn to listen to that voice. Tell him that even though you think it was reckless, that you are grateful for him coming to you and you know that it couldn’t have been easy.
No. He should not be punished for coming forward with a genuine concern. That would only result in him not coming to you if he messes up later in life.
This calls for an honest conversation about risk and choices that may affect him for the rest of his life.
And at 15, maybe you can add that he could/should have come to you first. I think it’s an OK age to get a piercing, but parents should be in on it.
Natural consequences + its his body
No on the grounding.
This was a win for independence and body autonomy while simultaneously not being a shitty tattoo.
It’s a definite talking point on how considering the likely outcomes of your actions both short and long term, is one of the hallmarks maturity.
Seems like he might be punishing himself already, no need to pile on. This could be a teaching moment for both of you. You teach him it was potentially harmful (which it seems you have by taking him to specialists), you teach yourself that compassion, empathy, and being “cool” about something like this might get you farther than the whip
But I don’t know you or your kiddo, what your relationship is like, and really if he’s punishing himself. So I think it’s really your call In the end
Letting his friend pierce his nipples was dumb. Coming to you with his concerns was smart. I wish our oldest (17) would do that more often but she usually likes to let things go until they are really out of control instead. I promise you, there are way worse things your son could be doing.
Just remind him that it’s better to consider the consequences before doing something like that.
Nah kids have stupid fun always, and no one were harmed, no one else were endangered.
I would say be very careful with “I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.” Anger fades, disappointment lasts forever. Still haven’t healed those scars.
This kind of level-headed consideration is why he was able to come to you with his concerns after, so good job there. I think you’re on the right track with an open conversation about coming to you with these kinds of things before they happen. “I’m concerned about you keeping safe so could we please talk something like this through before you do it next time?” Would be the line I’d use but you obviously know your son better than me so YMMV. All in all I’m glad things worked out okay and hopefully this’ll be a learning experience for mindfulness.
Sitcom style fun punishment?
“You did something stupid, but took the responsible approach when you realized. You’re going to have to spend all Saturday afternoon with your Dad, shopping for some nice sterile, hypoallergenic piercings.”
