I have imposter syndrome, both at work and in my relationship.
Teeth. Many years of poor dental hygiene.
How long I’ve been single
I have never been in a relationship in my 36 years, in my daily life I feel secure, but I am fucking terrified when I think about finding a partner, I am interested in finding one as I am getting pissed at allways being alone, but I have no idea on where to start.
if you think not having anyone is bad, dating will ruin you. it’s brutal, illogical, and cruel.
That sounds like absolute hyperbole.
Also while there are times I do feel lonely and desperately want someone to share my life with, I am under no illusions that what I am imagining is a fairytale and that a real relationship will be very different.
In my dreams my partner has no real objectives on her own, that would be increadibly boring in reality.
In my dreams my partner is an accessory to my existance only existing to make me happy, in reality in an ideal relationship we both have goals, needs and wants, and work together to acchive both or goals, needs and wants.
I realize that my dream partner does not exist as I imagine her, and that we will both need to grow into a successfull partnership.
I am still quite happy living alone, so if/when a relationship doesn’t work out, I will still be capable of living on my own.
I don’t want a housewife, I find the entire concept unfair to both parties, unfair to me for shouldering me with all income for the household, unfair to my partner for forcing her to give up her carreer. I realize it works for some, but not for me.
Talk to someone who has been through a divorce and had their entire life destroyed.
And get out of your own head.
Well obviously if you just speak to people who has had bad experiences, then yeah, you will just hear about the bad stuff…
It’s just really hard. I would put it up there as one of the most challenging things we do in life. It can be absolutely soul destroying to be rejected.
It’s almost impossible to find someone these days. Social media made people a lot more picky and everyone is trying to find the perfect person that doesn’t exist. Apps like tinder ruined it even more.
It depends on an age group. I would agree that in a group of 20-30 it’s a mess, but 35+ you can find a decent partner (depending on your age of course).
Odd. That’s backwards from what I generally hear people talk about. When you’re still in your early twenties, it’s very easy to meet people in college/university. Once you start getting older and leaving behind schooling and its associated extracurriculars, it gets way more difficult to meet people. Where are these 35+ people going out and finding partners? Not saying it’s impossible by any stretch of the imagination, just a lot harder.
bingo.
the whole ‘you’ll do better when you’re older’ is a myth told to silence people who are unhappy in their 20s. Things don’t get better, they stay the same or get worse. People don’t magically mature at the age of 35 or anything… typically they just double down on bad attitudes.
people generally tell comforting myths and lies to themselves and collectively because the harsh reality of the situation is too terrifying to accept.
people also generally believe that ‘one day i’ll be rich’. even though they are 45 and working at a cashier in a gas station.
it’s also easier to tell yourself comforting BS because then you don’t have to take action and realize you are mostly a product of the choices you have made.
I agree it’s easier when you are older. Not in late 20s early 30s but there is a lot of movement when people break up because they chose badly when young. So after 35, it opens up again.
Same
I have been single since 20 year so yeah it sucks
my ethics
Work ethics or moral ethics?
both :(
I guess mental health. I am all kinds of fucked up.
Take it from me op. Drop the imposter stuff in your relationship, that can kill a relationship. I very nearly lost my wife early on because “I just can’t believe you want to be with me”. That isn’t attractive.
They like you, that’s why they’re with you. They weren’t tricked, you didn’t fool them, they like you. Who you are. All you gotta do is like them back :)
The best way to deal with imposter syndrome is to remember what got you here. All the things you do and did that other people can’t or aren’t willing to do.
I know a girl who just left her boyfriend because he didn’t show affection, didn’t try on dates, and just stopped trying altogether. Imagine the average person, then 50% of them being worse than that. Surely we can convince ourselves we’re above average if only slightly.
Everything, but specially my ability yo make decisions.
It doesn’t matter what we are talking about. You just have to say “Are you sure?” to make me feel insecure about any topic, at work, home or with friends. And, of course, then every bad consequence is my fault.
I would feel insecure anyways, but i can usually control my feelings. Say that sentence and i struggle even to walk.
You ever think maybe you don’t have imposter syndrome? You’re just telling yourself you do because it feels like it, but you actually don’t have it at all.
Yup, I’m just an actual imposter
Sus
Gasp! It’s actually imposter imposter syndrome!
Not getting enough updootes.
I have a mild speech impairment. I don’t stutter on a daily basis but when I’m under heavy stress or when I’m tired I tend to stutter-ish. On top of that I live in a country where I don’t speak in my native language and sometimes I feel self-conscious about small mistakes I make (like using the wrong word or messing up the grammar) which induces the stress response. It’s not a big deal but it makes me crazy when I can’t express my thoughts in public.
people who shit on people for imperfect language are insecure assholes.
it’s just as stupid online when people grammar police you for written words.
I don’t mean to belittle your feelings about it, but I would find that cute af. There are certainly people around you that would feel the same.
Well, sometimes I get away with some petty wrongdoings just because I stutter. And I’ve learned it to use it for my advantage. Just to be clear, I’m not abusing this “power”, it’s mostly “organic”.
Feminine hips and high waist?
femboys are in rn
Life. Only death is safe.
Irrationally insecure? My weight, or more accurately, my size. I was an eating disordered teen, still get stress anorexia, but even when healthy and relaxed my mind just thinks I am too big, when objectively and logically I know I am in great shape for someone with kids and over half a century of years. I feel fat unless underweight.
Rationally insecure? I don’t trust my job or the economy overall. Have been homeless and so poor, fug out of it and doing great but I am not relaxed about it at all. I don’t think that’s irrational though.
Posting things online.
I have no “traditional” social media accounts, and over half the comments I type here I delete without posting. I don’t like people judging me & talking behind my back, so my introvert tendencies include semi anonymous things like Lemmy.
what about what people say about you IRL behind your back?
What do you got?
My weight fluctuates. Sometimes I bloat up from medicine. Sometimes I can’t eat and lose weight. I can’t seem to just be me and be happy and have people like me no matter what my weight is. It is really frustrating going through your whole life hating your body because of external standards.
“Don’t care what other people think.”
Ok yeah well when you feel like people stare at you and silent judge you all the time, and internally you do the same thing to others and hate yourself even more for being part of the problem.
It’s constant brainwashing of the ‘ideal body’ when the reality is people come in all shapes and sizes. It’s hard to change that mindset when all the ads you see around you tell you differently.
