Her name is [kept to myself because I’m a gentleman who doesn’t kiss and tell]. I hope I, in turn, am not someone’s most alarming thing but it’s possible :P

While tripping on a large dose of LSD, I decided to practice with my new and incredibly sharp wood chisels on a block of pine.

Amazingly I didn’t cut myself at all.

My friend found a stop motion animated clay Don Quixote, where the clay work was rough and you could see thumbprints. It was the perfect vibe for tripping and carving, the gouges I was making in the wood looked like the clay, and bit by bit I made that block into a volcano.

In order to do that I kept twisting my right arm (I’m left handed) clockwise, and when I came down from the hallucinogens, the nerves in my arm went dead. Hand just slid off the keyboard.

It was fine twenty minutes later. And that’s my story, the best acid trip I ever had. Worked through my obsessions a bit and let go of them.

In the following weeks I asked three women out and got shot down each time instead of thinking about doing so for a month and being a creep.

Had some people over, and a joint started getting passed around. One of my friends took a couple steps and face planted. Like out fucking cold. I get up to see what happened, and I face plant. My whole body is numb, and I can’t move.

Come to realize an asshat who I never liked dipped the joint in hydrocodine. It wasn’t an awful experience, but I wouldn’t have touched it if I had known. I would have least liked to have been on a couch instead of face first on the kitchen floor.

Stoned off my ass, decided to take a shower. Got in, water’s too hot, turned the knob. Water got hotter, turned the knob the other way, water got hotter. Panicked, turned the knob hard the other way, now burning. Panicked harder, turned the knob hard the other way, water now lethally hot. Finally got my shit together, turned the water off and went to bed.

I was roofied on a Sunday morning once. I went out on my own for a Sunday Funday, and a random couple at the bar invited me to go to a baseball game with them. We stopped at their place for another drink on the way, and the next thing I (very vaguely) remember is wobbling down the stairs near the stadium and telling a security guard I was trying to get to the baseball game. He told me the game was over, so I checked my watch, and decided he was right. From there, I have a very vague memory of walking down the road to my regular watering hole, and eventually got myself home.

I was wearing a baseball jersey instead of whatever shirt I had started the day in, plus my location history said I spent a few hours at the stadium, so I’m pretty sure we actually went to the game.

One time I got high on weed. Not even that high really, but still stoned. About 5-10 minutes later I walked into the kitchen to do the dishes and passed tf out. When i came to I stood up to go lay down on the couch, took one step, and passed tf out again. When I came to again, I just later on the floor until my head stopped spinning and then dragged myself to the couch for the rest of the night.

I don’t remember, I was drunk.

Bet it was wild though!

I didn’t commit suicide.

I had a plan, had it all laid out, and knew when I was ready.

Proceeded to get life saving-ly drunk & passed out. Woke up with a knife in my hand the next morning & knew I need to go to the hospital.

Cleaned myself up, called in sick to work, & went to UCLA Med.

Still here today thankfully. And as much as I appreciate what bourbon did for me that night, I have slowed my consumption significantly & have my head on straight.

I was reading up on Aaron Swartz once before bed while hitting a weed pen and I had somehow convinced myself I was facing felony charges and had to go to court to fight jail time and I lost it… unplugged my computer from the wall and shoved my face in my pillow until I was able to calm down and realize my foolishness before going to sleep.

One time we got pretty drunk at a bar and when we called an Uber to go my friend told them to just leave and he’ll pay them for the trouble, so the night went one we met a bunch of random people and went from bar to bar with a whole group of strangers until finally some legit veteran mexican gangster drove us home but not before we bought him a few bottles of fancy liquor at a safeway. The next day we woke up like did that really happen and are we on some hit list now because he said he was going to get in touch later

The most alarming thing would be self-harm stuff. The most interesting thing was working on a painting. When I got to the edge of the canvas, I started incorporating objects from around my room to extend the design. By the time I started coming down from the shrooms, the floor was wall to wall covered with objects arranged in an elaborate swirling pattern emanating out from a painting of a woman screaming with rage. After that I was able to accept my father’s death.

Got myself lost in the woods at night for a good hour or so. Overgrowth was largely covering the desire path I regularly walk, and when I turned around to head back, I couldn’t find it at all.

Knew the general direction back to the main trail, so I opened my map on my phone and started walking that way in what I thought was a straight line… Problem is, my phone is screwy and the arrow showing where I’m facing points 90° to the side… After a half hour of trudging my way through the brush, I finally saw a clearing, and when I got to it… it was the same spot I started at, except I came from the other side.

Somehow I had walked in a massive circle, and my phone (which I was using as my flashlight) battery was getting concerning low, as I had failed to charge it earlier.

Tried again and eventually managed to get back to the main trail, but I was definitely starting to panic by the time I did.

Got defibrillated in the back of an ambulance. I had 6 or 8 caffeinated beverages over an 8 hour period which also involved a 7+ mile walk across town on an 80+ degree Fahrenheit morning. I was feelin’ pretty great and thought it could use the perfect compliment, so I drove across town and bought some gray-market d9-thc gummies. I believe i took a ~25mg dosage worth of gummies. An hour later my heart rate was very high and very noticeable. I couldnt catch my breath and i had begun to panic. That’s when i called for paramedics. when they arrived my heart-rate was 160 bpm and still climbing. We got in the ambulance. They applied the the pads for the AED. I was still relatively conscious when i heard the AED call out “one-eigthy.” A few moments later I heard it call out “two-hundred.” That’s when I very suddenly jerked forward and moaned from the shock and then I felt my heart rate begin to slow a little. In the hospital we learned I was deficient in potassium which made sense given the pathology. The shock was surprisingly painless and I would recommend if ever needed. The panic attack and the residual albeit minor case of ptsd, those I would not…

I’ve since learned how both substances work physiologically and while they feel like psychological polar-opposites, they have compounding effects on the heart and circulatory system. I am religious about limiting my caffeine intake now, two years later. —No more hippie speed-balls either

I had a really profound experience on salvia once. I took a huge hit of 80x extract and… uh. then. Uh. I…

Sorry, I forgot what I was talking about.

Stumbled backwards onto the tube tracks as a train was approaching. Only thing that saved me was my mate who grabbed my collar and hauled me back onto the platform as I was mid fall.