primscha

I got my first ex lol.

It’s alright— it was a relationship where we both understood the feelings are new and we’re both inexperienced, but in retrospect all communication fell from there lol. Aaand I think it’s still falling.

So. (ᵒ ᵕ ᵒ٥)ゞ Let’s see how much of it can actually be settled…

Otherwise life has been a piece of shit because of burnout. So much is happening around me that I know I’m succeeding at, but I’m having a hard time acknowledging my success. The fear and exhaustion is seeping in. I’m hoping I can recover soon! …Because a lot feels like it’s at stake. (☍◡⁰)

Good luck to everyone 🫡

Going back to the dorms on Friday. It’s a yay/nay situation. Love my friends there. Hate the amount of the work that has to get done. But gotta think on the positive end to keep me going. (Or just… think less to make it easier on the mind lol.)

Today I went to an awesome local coffee shop/bookstore. It’s so beautifully decorated with unique displays and niche items. It captured a very cottage core theme while also having a surprisingly wide variety of books. God I’m gonna miss that place. I really want to go back. Has everything I want in a bookstore… There’s a whole bookshelf filled with architecture and graphic design books I want to get.

Then I got to go to this cute little park/outlet. I’m not sure how to describe it— it’s a small area with a treehouse playground that’s walled off. And I got to see a fire show of sorts. It’s been a fun, exhausting day. Nice way to end my summer break.

Ehh, surviving. It’s not bad but I feel like I should be doing better.

The toll of family drama/finances is getting to me and I’ve found myself spiraling into old habits. I keep reminding myself to not let it get to me. I’m hoping to move out and get an apartment near my university but… Well, of course it’s easier said than done.

I know that being a full-time student is like a full-time job, but I’m considering getting two part-time jobs just to save up. But with my two other extracurriculars, keeping up my social life, and sleep— yeah, I’ll burn out at this rate.

I just feel like there’s so much at stake, in both the short term and long term future, that I can’t sacrifice anything. I’m scared of getting something ‘wrong,’ but I know that no action is the worst action to take right now.

So that’s my long explanation as to why I shouldn’t be procrastinating and how I’m struggling with procrastination.

I dunno. Any tips on how to change my environment up a bit to keep my focus? Or something to keep me sane. So far the only safe space I have is my own room. ._.

(Driving is not really an option since I’m still practicing.)

Ah, I am planning on baking a tres leches cake though over the weekend. It’s something to shake things up.

Saving up. Getting a summer job has been harder than expected, especially since I thought I’d have my job over the summer… But I know it’s not the end of the world either. Just a little bummed out. Maybe I can still find something but I’m not holding my breath— at least I have a bit of money coming in from a design commission and selling off a phone.

Still reading. Picked up the book Haroun and the Sea of Stories. Studying and searching for UI and graphic design internships to take in the fall. Been practicing chess daily. (Not great at it but it’s fun.) Practicing driving. (Which is a whole other story I could get into…)

But right now I feel slow and antsy. I’m hoping something in life turns around soon… Atmosphere in my house feels too heavy. It’s a sleepy and hot summer.

I’m on my first book for the summer. A friend inspired me to get back into reading, and I forgot how fun it can be. c:

But the big news is summer break from uni ✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧

It felt like two years in one. So much has happened, both good and bad, but right now I get to finally, finally decompress.

(But honestly, two days into this break and I got restless.)

I’m looking for work. Got laid off from my student job due to remote work budget cuts. It was a bummer, but I’m not too worried about getting a job for the summer.

I’m also studying for this startup project I’m volunteering with. The other designer left and uh, now I have the chance to be the design lead. For now I’ll take small steps because that is not a role I want to mess up. XD

Then there are my two clubs I need to meet up with throughout the summer.

In regards to more stereotypical summer fun stuff, I’ll be going to an anime convention with some friends in a couple months. It’ll be my first convention! Plus I get to meet a friend I haven’t seen in about five years.

And I might be going on an LA trip in August! ⌯’▾’⌯ We might be touring the Winchester Mystery House as well.

Welp. I got into my design program. It was roughly a 50% chance of getting in so I’m glad. It’s just bittersweet since half of my class isn’t in the BFA.

Honestly thought I’d feel more happy about it, but I guess it’s hard when you’ve exhausted yourself… So now that spring break is happening, I’m giving myself a couple days to unwind and then I’ll start moving ahead with work.

Also trying a dating app. Which sucks. We’ll see if it ends up being a good or bad thing. But for now… I don’t think I’m going to engage in it that much. Feels weird.

Still in uni, got a snow day. It was a nice change of pace since this month is gonna drive me crazy. I had to pull back from a couple activities because the graphic design portfolio admission deadline is in the beginning of March. (One activity was a part time job I really like— which is an ouch. But I’ll hopefully be able to pick it up again once this is all over, based on my supervisor…) The other one is my vice president position at a community service club, but the term is ending in a month, so it’s perfect timing.

Speaking of clubs, I’ve been trying to revive the AIGA club at my school, and we voted on board today. I became president through a unanimous vote. (☍◡⁰) it was not my intention at first, but no one was raising their hand to take the role… And even the faculty advisor said she was gonna call out my name if I didn’t raise my hand lol. I think I maybe, just maybe made a good impression since I’ve been creating the building blocks. And I was too dumb to realize that ppl would want me to lead since I was… already leading, I guess. 🫠 Haha whoops.

But I’m sure it’ll pay off. I’m a little nervous but also excited! Life is crazy right now but I hope everything ends well! (Because it would be even more awkward to not get into the design program when I’m the president of the design club ._.)

I finally have a chance to breathe from my chaotic semester. At the same time, I worry that I won’t have enough time to recover because certain responsibilities are time sensitive. And my family environment isn’t the best…

There’s one task that really bugs me: future roommates want to move out of the dorms before the next semester starts, and this was ‘decided’ on around finals week. Plus we apartment hunted for like… less than a week, around finals week.

The old plan was to move around the end of the school year, which would’ve given us time to research everything we need to know, search for places, and plan move in. (And the old idea was that I only had one roommate, not two.)

This rushing is all due to a shitty dorm situation my second roommate is in, but… It’s so rushed that I don’t even know what to say. I don’t want to risk something worse happening. I feel like there are so many unknown variables. We’re planning a discussion with each other and each other’s parents at some point this break, so I’m honestly hoping we don’t move out soon unless we’re mostly sure things will work out.

…Overall though, I’m just trying not to think. My body is exhausted; my brain is drained. I just wanna relax, and I haven’t registered that Christmas is soon. I’m not in the holiday mood at all.

At least I get to pet my dog. He’s so fluffy and floofy.