Oh Sky, you look fine and have looked fine for some time. Not looking good enough is something all women have to deal with. Even if you were an actual model, you’d probably feel the same way you do now. It really is an act of accepting reality and striving for better rather than bemoaning reality and thinking that you suck.

Look in the mirror right now and identify 1 thing you like about your appearance. Every day for the next week, write down a different thing, no matter how small or insignificant you think it is. Don’t qualify or include any critiques in this list; only write about the good things. In a week, make a post here listing the 7 compliments, and any other thoughts you might have. I’ll be waiting.

I could give you several compliments, but that won’t hit the same as if you gave them yourself. Your brain will just write anything I say off as me lying to make you feel better. The activity probably sounds like some corny bullshit about “just looking on the bright side,” but the whole goal of it is to make you see both the dark and the light.

You’re only seeing the negatives, but that isn’t more accurate by virtue of making you feel bad. You don’t have an accurate view of reality right now. You sound no different than someone that tries to pretend that they’re perfect.

ijustthinkitsneat_MargeSimpson.png

Even the lighter smells change. I smell like how I remember my mom smelling. The stinkier elements aren’t as different as the less smelly ones.

Boobs grow in mysterious ways, stopping and starting throughout life. Another thing to consider is putting on a bit of weight, even temporarily. It might help fill things out a bit.

You replied to the wrong comment. Fuck the person who said that. DIY is less ideal than having professional guidance, but when the professionals provide such a terrible standard of care, it’s absolutely safer to go DIY for many. The evidence is clear. Gender affirming care is both an impressively effective treatment, and the only effective treatment for disorderly dysphoria.

My life drastically improved before I started hormones when I simply came out, but having my HRT delayed was a burden that could only be alleviated by getting estrogen. It wore on me greatly, and the cost and headache of DIY were the only thing that made me stick with the broken ass system for over a year. I honestly would have gone DIY if I knew from the start how long it would take.

It wasn’t about being a valid woman, but not feeling like my entire body was gangrene to my identity. I was a woman without it, but there was no substitute for me.

It sounds like you want the effects of HRT, so even if you aren’t this gender or that, it sounds like HRT is for you. Taking HRT does require frequent tests and careful instruction, but if your country’s system has shit doctors and shit standards, you’re gonna be safer going outside that system anyhow.

Like I said in an earlier comment, I interpret these comics as less about egging other people, and more about a person interrogating their own denial. Not everyone who plays as a girl is secretly a girl(I played as a guy growing up, and still ended up being a girl). It’s a reflection of the excuses she used herself. Many people genuinely do play as girls just to stare at them, but for transbians like Paxiti, it wasn’t justabout ogling hot women.

Part of why Pas doesn’t post anymore is that people assumed she was making comics that speak to some Universal Trans Experience^TM. All she ever did was post comics that were true to her own experience. There is no one way to experience any sort of social identity, yet we often assume just that. This exactly what Audre Lorde critiqued in civil rights movements, and why intersectionality is so important. This is Paxiti’s truth, not a truth for everyone on earth.

Euphoria from having a high pain tolerance!

Big muscly men in manly outfits with aren’t all bad to look at 😋

The funny part is that I didn’t actually play female characters when I was younger. I’d go for longer hair and androgynous features, but I thought I had to make my character look how I looked at the time. I was honestly resistant to ever playing as a woman, because I thought I should only play as my AGAB.

The fact that I didn’t play femme before made me doubt myself for the longest time. I didn’t have The Signs^TM, so I was just faking it. Turned out that my inability to recognize my own emotions was to blame. I feel gender dysphoria as exceptional discomfort and unhappiness with no obvious source. I felt like I didn’t belong, but had no idea that being a girl could fix that for me. I only rarely connected the dots on what upset me and didn’t get a hint at the larger picture till I was an adult.

Even though I didn’t experience the comic, it did touch on why I didn’t play as a girl: imagined judgement. The friend probably doesn’t mean anything by his comment, with Paxiti only imagining him calling her an egg. It could even be that the friend isn’t a person, but a reflection of how she imagines society will judge her.

In truth, dudes love riffing on their friends for not conforming like that, not because they think anything of it, but because they don’t. It took me years to understand that there was usually no hidden meaning and you’re just supposed to act like it’s meaningless as well. If you take it to heart, then they find it weird. I feel comforted when I talk openly about my feelings, but male dominated social groups often find that scary. It’s not universal, but in larger groups, it becomes nearly impossible to have personal conversations.

Things like baggy pants and flaired skirts/dresses can hide a lack of hips or waist. Also, making sure your waistline is above your pelvis is essential. Even if you have a gut, it helps a ton. If you want to wear a baggy top, wear tighter pants/leggings and have the top be longer as well.

A lot depends on the safety of the country and what your next steps will be. If you want to transition fully, at some point you need to tell her that it isn’t a debate or conversation; you’re going to transition and she can either get on board or not. Prepare to live independently in case she refuses to accept you. The key is making it absolutely clear that there is no possibility of her convincing you to “live normally.”

If your country is especially dangerous and unsupportive, you’ll probably need to “stealth” as a cis woman in order to transition. You’ll need to choose either side of the binary, regardless of how you identify, and go all in to convincing strangers that you aren’t queer. You’ll need to gender conform and only deviate around known allies. In that situation, it’ll be important to to find local queer people and move out. In order to keep your sanity, you’ll need safe spaces, and living with someone transphobic will be miserable.

You can hope that you’re mom will accept reality, but it wouldn’t be safe to rely on that. If you want to transition and your family doesn’t support you, the best case scenario is you move on. Leave the door open for them coming back into your life, but only if they agree to accept unconditionally. Otherwise, you’ll hurt each other trying to create incompatible futures.

I recently started HRT in America, which took me 15 months to get. The first mistake I made was trying to get it through insurance, with them sending me the wrong info, offices that refused to set up an appointment and never called back, and doctors who retired before I could meet with them. That delayed things a year, when I finally went out of network with Planned Parenthood, and barely paid more than with insurance co-pays and parking fees.

The second issue I ran into was having my treatment put on hold for liver problems. I needed approval from my primary, but despite knowing the referrals take months, they demanded I go see a specialist. It didn’t matter that I showed research that said estradiol was a potential treatment for my issues or that they had no liability excuses to delay my care. At my 3 month follow-up, I managed to convince Planned Parenthood to approve my treatment, meaning my insurance did nothing but harm.

I live in one of the bluest states with fewer insurance issues than almost any other, yet this shit still fucked me. I’m not even lower class, yet that didn’t matter. Our healthcare system is that fucked. The saving grace is that we have somewhat affordable informed consent, but good luck if you have to deal with the insurance system. It’s less a trans healthcare issue and more of a problem with the whole system; rigged for the billionaires and hell for everyone else.

I didn’t even have the stage of thinking it’d be cool to be a woman. I was just drawn to feminine stuff until being told I shouldn’t. I’d instinctually find it interesting, but I rarely had a conscious understanding. I barely had to deny because there was rarely anything to deny. The “still cis tho” stage didn’t hit till I was 18.

I didn’t have any breakthrough moments when I started questioning, but I did when I realized girl was right for me. I imagined life as a mom, and the years of questioning fell into place. I never wanted to be a man. Even when I want to be more masculine, it’s still as a masculine woman, not an enby or a man.

I also want kids, an even sadder realization after telling myself I shouldn’t bring any into this world. I just want to be a mom. I didn’t choose to want it, but that’s life 🤷‍♀️

“Wow, this person became healthier, happier, and more capable after transitioning. Too bad that won’t happen for me.”

Tbf, I had few reasons to think I would prefer being a girl so much. I just hadn’t considered it as an option, so I needed to view it as one first. Needless to say, I found few reasons to be anything else, which also took a long time to accept.

I love how even his bullshit story was already damming to anyone who sees children as people. What a pathetic deadbeat narcissist.

Girl, you do not see what everyone else sees. Your “dysphoria” is worse than ever because you feel like you don’t live up to the brain worms beauty standards that all women have forced down our throats. You can be a bombshell and still not get loved or snuggled. Being ultra pretty won’t bring that, but appreciating yourself will.

The biggest thing standing in the way of you getting the love you need is how unhappy you are. When I was a young adult, I thought I could never find a relationship because I was ugly as hell. Looking back at my boy appearance, I looked fine. Plenty of dudes who looked like that found the relationships that seemed so impossible at the time.

The reason I couldn’t get one was because I hated myself. I had no confidence in how I carried myself as I thought I was the ugliest person on earth. Now that I’ve started to transition, I’m feeling so much better about my appearance. I still see problems that really bug me, especially my fat distribution and unsymmetrical face, but I know I’ll never think I look perfect. I’ll never see no problems, even if I improve those things.

The secret to feeling better about yourself is appreciating what things you can feel better about. You have cute hair, sweet eyes, fully lips, and adorable cheeks. You look like a woman, a sad woman, but not a man. People perceiving you as a man might have more to do with how they know you from the past than who you are now. Unless they see you in a dress with the most fem makeup imaginable, their perception of you just won’t update. You’re both overlaying a ghost on you rather than seeing the truth.

If I had to presume something that bothers you about your appearance, I’d guess it’s having a bigger nose, which makes me really sad. So many women have noses like yours, it’s just a beauty standard thing rather than a gendered thing. If you dislike how they look right now, try smiling. Everyone looks better when they smile or laugh, as they seem more approachable and friendly.

You’re a pretty girl who I’d be more than willing to cuddle, holding and soothing, telling you that you’re safe from the imaginary man you see in the mirror.