There is no piece of media I’d like to be able to experience for the first time again more than Outer Wilds.

Where are they finding dinosaurs to fuck that know what a VCR is?

Incedible story, thanks for sharing. I totally understand that day 1 feeling. I was SO scared about it all, but almost immediately I felt more ok with myself. It’s still strange to me in some ways, my mind and body have never been further apart in their expression of gender, but my disphoria has lessened so much. For the first time in my life, I’m actually starting to accept myself.

When I started down this road, I mentally prepared myself for others to react strongly to it, one way or the other. Instead most everyone just accepted it, and told me I should just be me and do whatever makes me happy. Don’t get me wrong, their understanding and acceptance has been excellent, but sometimes I felt like I needed that challenge. Almost like I wanted someone I’d have to convince to accept me. I’ve since come to realize that I was looking for that because I hadn’t yet accepted myself. I think I was hoping that if I could convince someone else I’m female, I would believe it more myself, or work harder to prove it.

In a way, I was looking to create some sort of triumphant coming out story, like something out of a movie, where I say “No, this is me!” and start fighting for myself. That’s not how real life works though, and instead I needed to take the time to realize who I am. It was only once I did that I was actually able to start fighting for myself and standing up for who I am.

At least be upfront about it being AI generated when you post. I’ve taken to surrounding ai content with “🤖” emojis to indicate its generated, eg: 🤖AI generated content 🤖. People seem to be understanding that naturally when I use it.

That’s what I thought too, but I’m realizing just how much of my anxiety has been gender related. That’s not just magically gone now, but I feel much more able to face it and deal with it.

That’s great to hear! I’ve been quite surprised how motivating its felt overall, like sitting around doing nothing doesn’t sound nearly as enjoyable as it used to.

I felt some of that insecurity that first week too. I’ve found I tend to want to run away from who I am whenever it causes friction in my life. That feels a lot less possible now and that scared me a little. I’m realizing I don’t want to run away from this anymore though, and that part of my intention with HRT is to force myself to accept that.

What has surprised you the most over that year?

Thanks for the suggestion and kind words! It’s helpful hearing others are having similar experiences, it makes it feel more legitimate in a way. Sometimes I worry that its all a placebo and I’m just convincing myself this is helping me. It feels different than times in the past where improvements have been temporary though, like something fundamental is shifting into the right place.

Imagine needing to go to a strip club to bribe women to see them naked.

Millions of people do good work on a flat wage. If you need to be bribed to care at all about people, get out of the service industry.

Any good resources your found for makeup? Its a bit overwhelming and tough to know where to start there.

Thanks for the info. I figure I’ve waited my whole life to get to this point, at least now I am actually waiting for something.