Another thing with ADHD (as you might know) is that the frontal lobe isn’t fully developed, which makes it harder to regulate your feelings and how to respond.
I love the idea of a stamp sheet or something like that to make it clear what needs to be done, I often don’t see things that my wife finds obvious and that can lead to irritation, but we have been able to get past that since we talked about my shortcomings and what I need support with to be able to do them.
Or he already feels guilty that you did the task instead of him, so that he feels that he let you down. As I said before, I’m just speculating from my own experiences with letting my wife down (and people at work) by not doing something that I agreed to do, that shouldn’t be hard but is hard since I was unable to get it done.
Have you talked with him about your ADHD? And that you need support from him to be able to maintain a tranquil environment at home?
I’m not a woman either, but I’m a man struggling with ADHD, I have similar experiences with dirty dishes (and other things). It’s so difficult to remember to do things you have agreed to do and even if you do remember it can be impossible to get started, unless you have figured out a system that works for you.
If someone at work asks me to look something up or do something and they say that I can do it whenever I have time, it’s never going to get done, I need some sort of deadline to be able to start (usually as close as possible to the deadline).
I’m not saying your husband has ADHD, I’m just saying he might need more “structure” or a time when the task is supposed to be completed. Not everything is done out of malice or lack of respect.
Just my two cents since I don’t know that much about either of you.
Edit: Since ADHD is a spectrum disorder, it’s not a “one glove fits all” kind of situation, everyone have different experiences with different areas. We suffer from time blindness as well, making it hard/impossible to set goals for the future and to achieve those goals.
I turned off auto-rotate, so when I rotate the phone I get a symbol in the top right corner to notify me that the screen rotation is locked and I just press that and the screen rotates to the current position. I use a Galaxy Fold 5.