I helped a former girlfriend move out of her apartment years ago. I brought along a tub of spackling paste to fill the nail holes she’d left in the wall (it was even the kind that goes on pink and then dries white, which is pretty handy). She was mind=blown as she’d never seen anything like it before. I asked her how she filled nail holes and she said she used chewing gum and white-out.

they go the house!

They go the 'ouse!

He didn’t really mean gang violence – he meant black people violence, and Tyler the Destroyer isn’t black.

he valued “open debate and the exchange of ideas”

My parents are avid watchers of the PBS News Hour and this is exactly how that show was portraying Kirk. My parents were all “oh this is terrible that he was murdered”, but fortunately they’ve started learning about the things Kirk actually said from other news sources. PBS News Hour is not at all what it used to be (when it started out as the MacNeil/Lehrer Report) and a quick glance at their list of corporate sponsors makes it crystal clear why not.

My aunt died in 2013. At the funeral, my cousin (her stepson) suggested that we all make a “Harlem Shake” video to put on Farcebook. I wasn’t sure if he wanted to include my aunt in it or not.

Seinfeld was the funniest thing I’d ever seen when it was on originally. I’ve watched reruns of it in recent years and it just drags terribly. The difference? I was smoking shit tons of weed back in the '90s.

The one episode that was truly transcendently funny was the one where Jerry and George come back to JFK airport after being in LA and they can’t find a cab, so they decide to pretend to be the people on the card held up by a limo driver so they can get a free ride back into the city. The two people on the card turn out to be white supremacists (ironically!) on their way to a rally at Madison Square Garden. The thing is, this episode was basically just Curb Your Enthusiasm.

George was by far the funniest of the four main characters … and he was basically just playing Larry David.

Curb has made it so fucking obvious who was responsible for the aspects of Seinfeld that I actually liked.

The firedial works every night.

We should all also use GMT and forget about time zones.

This would go great with my idea of everyone having a GUID instead of a name.

has thrown away the gun already

No way, I’m sure he’s kept the gun with him, along with a hard copy of his manifesto, just like Luigi did! It’s just what you do after you assassinate somebody.

/s

the hive

I thought this place was different than Reddit

lol, nothing is more “reddit” than complaining about “the hive” when your opinion is getting curb-stomped.

My sister in law last year accused me of being a misogynist because I don’t like Taylor Swift’s music. She argued that since Swift is the most-downloaded artist ever on Spotify, that means she is objectively the greatest singer-songwriter in history and the only reason I could possibly dislike her music is that I don’t like women. I suggested that she must be racist because she doesn’t like Kanye West and Bad Bunny (who are the second- and third-most downloaded or thereabouts artists on Spotify) and she was like “who is Bad Bunny?”

U2 - Bullet the Blue Sky

You plant a demon seed
You raise a flower of fire

Man, I haven’t thought about Heaven 17 in decades. My favorite lyric of theirs was “brothers, sisters, we don’t need that fascist groove thing”. I remember liking them in the '80s but thinking that their political stance was pretty over the top and that things weren’t really that bad in the world. How wrong I was.

Fun fact: the band took their name from a fictional group that was referenced in A Clockwork Orange.

This is maybe the only time it’s ok to be happy someone died.

There was also that one guy who shot himself in an underground bunker in Berlin. Gun violence and suicide are never OK but sometimes they are.

Afternoon of the Long Rifles

Not quite the same thing, but years ago I was a developer working on an app for Clerks of Court in the one state that doesn’t share the same legal basis as the other 49 states (should make it easy to guess which state). One day I got assigned a bug ticket that said the “State” dropdown in the app had 519 entries. This was of course a few too many, so I took a look at the STATES table in the database, which as expected contained the two-letter abbreviations for all 50 states but then a whole bunch of other shit after than, including all the states fully spelled out and often misspelled many times as well (there were more than 20 different spellings of Louisiana, for example), and then a bunch of country names.

It turned out that one of my coworkers had been assigned the task of including the state’s standard marriage license form in the application. This form had sections labeled “State” for the bride and groom, but since the victims (or whatever people getting married are called legally) were often from out of state or even from other countries, clerks would just write in whatever in this part of the form. My coworker was a fanatic about normalized databases, so rather than just allowing these fields to be plain text, he foreign-keyed them into the pre-existing STATES table and added code that added new entries to this table whenever users typed something new into the fields. It never once occurred to him that this table might have been utilized in other parts of the app.

How this table grew to 519 rows before anyone logged a complaint about it is beyond me.

I used to sign my name in cursive, but its legibility as actual letters disappeared over the same time span as my forgetting how to write cursive altogether. Now it vaguely resembles a capital K followed by a bunch of random shit. It does at least look pretty much the same every time.