Thank you for the summary.

Let me check that picture that my colleague sent me. Hmm alright, let’s close that. Aaaand I closed Teams. Shit.

Default opening Office documents in Teams is also a pain. “Oh wait no! Don’t open it in Teams!” Here you go 2 minutes wasted waiting for the doc to open so that you can close it.

Why would you get an attorney? Why?

And why would they want to trigger a shitmagnet?

It just sounds like 2 bad advices to me. As others said: find a country that fits your views and hunt for a job. A good employer will even help you move, you have to be lucky with the opportunity though.