32m here and ive been on dating apps for over 10 years and think they’ve gotten worse since the whole swiping algorithm. I always do max swipes daily on fb dating, tinder, and bumble with minimum to no success. Tinder being the worst of the three. Ik irl is better, I just am not good at it with social anxiety and overthinking. Anybody find what works on these apps if you’re an average looking man?
Disclaimer: I’m not straight, but when I used the apps I mostly matched with women, who were mostly cis and mostly straight.
It sounds like you’re looking for a LTR. Tinder is mostly for HUs. Everyone I met on there was casual-only or wanted long term but like, desperately. Bumble wasn’t a significantly different crowd when I tried it, in spite of the hype. Hinge I heard was better for LTRs, with a questionnaire system and everything, but never tried. Overall, my impression was that lots of the “looking for something real” folks in the apps probably should’ve been prioritizing therapy and learning to love themselves before throwing themselves into another LTR. This leads to my main point at the bottom.
For more swipes/matches, top rec is almost always better photos, especially for straight men, but I would modify that recommendation slightly. I think you should first ask yourself some questions about your target audience.
Why: Let’s say you’re advertising yourself as a kind stable safe and hard-working man looking for a LTR. That profile, to be successful with your target audience, will easily scare away the casual crowd for lots of reasons. The sincere and detailed bio, the photos of you posing with others at formal events, etc are all workable but limit your marketability to a specific subset of women who mostly lurk.
Just for fun think about a hypothetical fuckboi-version of your usual profile, complete with poorly lit bathroom selfies, shirtless beach photos, and a bio that’s just a line from a Tarantino film. That alter ego will get more swipes than you, not because he’s prettier or fitter than you but because he seems approachable, fun, and easy. So maybe ask yourself what of this alter-ego actually expresses aspects of your personality, and consider incorporating a bit more of him.
The apps weren’t built for courtship rituals and in general it’s very hard to generate chemistry by text. Even a relationship that starts off casual can go many places, and has the advantage of beginning with everyone’s cards down. Just my .02… GL
I’ve always tried to go for the ltr profile with lots of details… I’ve since given up but I feel like it might be worth it trying your suggestion with a more easy going version. Thanks