Many of my friends really love Coldplay, so I’ve heard several of their albums played at parties. Many times. But I cannot remember a single song from Coldplay and most likely wouldn’t recognize them if one was playing on the radio.

And I have a decent ear for music, I can play a few instruments and can even find the right chords for a song after hearing it once or twice. But not Coldplay. There is nothing wrong with their music, but it doesn’t make me feel anything. It’s just so generic to my taste, I guess.

I don’t wanna talk about it but let’s just say my wife won’t talk to me unless it’s through a divorce lawyer.

Because they’re not Nickelback?

Hehe

Same reason that some people obsessively hate pineapple on pizza. They heard it before and can’t come up with an original thought of their own.

That or they are having an affair and got caught.

Who ?

They are a whiny facsimile of rock but they still got played on the rock stations. They are the opportunity cost of bands.

The great thing about Coldplay is they’ve changed over the years, which of course pisses some off who liked one style and now expect it every time. I don’t like some of their songs, but the songs I do like I enjoy. The era of Clocks and Speed of Sound and Scientist were solid. There have been a few later ones I like too, but the songs either click for you or not. That’s how music should be, eclectic and not formula.

I think the last song of theirs that hit me hard was All I Can Think About is You. May not be everyone’s type of song, but it felt like the Coldplay I like. And there’s the sleeper The Hardest Part.

From my perspective, their music is mediocre.

I just find the music boring. Like listening to ambient elevator music while you’re waiting to get to your floor. It’s just there in the background but no one cares about it. I’d never actually pay money to hear it live.

I have a space in my heart for their first four albums. They’re perfectly enjoyable slices of indie that somewhat stood above the landfill shit that was otherwise getting airplay (fuck you Razorlight. Fuck you Kasabian).

Its fair to say that they and I grew apart from then on, as Chris Martin became more about the celebrity than the honest music, but even then, I never had any real problem with them.

They headlined Glastonbury last year and were excellent. Made me go back and listen to some of the records I’d ignored, and found that they were still a perfectly fine band. Considerably more poppy than they were, but not cynically so, I didn’t think.

But I guess Martin comes across as a little too earnest, and his marriage to Paltrow a little too right-on, so the press kept digging in to them, as is their wont. That made people think it was popular to shit on them.

I remember me and my buddy were sitting around one night drinking mad dog and smoking weed and a live company Coldplay concert was on TV so we watched it and thought it was kind of good. Then the next day we each listened to Coldplay sober on our own. I got a text from him half way thru the day that just said “holy shit dude,I don’t know what was going on last night, but I just listened to Coldplay again… It’s like the sound track to a woman complaining about her period… How the fuck did this sound good last night?”

The same reason everyone shits on Arby’s. Because everyone else does, which just makes it funny to everyone but the actual fans.

They’re popular because they’re broadly appealing and inoffensive, so for people who are passionate about music they’re likely comparatively boring, whereas people who don’t really care about music aren’t going to go out of their way to support or defend them.

Because they incite married coworkers to cheat with one another.

I really hadn’t thought about Coldplay in years until I showed up to work at one of their concerts a couple years ago. I honestly couldn’t name a single one of their songs except Viva La Vida, which - spoiler - is not one of their songs.

But all the people on tour with them were really friendly and competent and gave clear instructions, unlike the usual raging assholes who go on tour to do staging work. We got the job done quickly, safely, and with minimal angry screaming.

So now I like Coldplay. I still don’t listen to their music, but, like, I just decided I like them.