The thing about moderation is that when someone has a vision for a community they envision it with their own values and since everyone has atleast slightly different values and opinions, they run their community how they want. (Granted everyone must still follow the basic rule of civility). Each instance is run in its own way, yet united/federated to work with each other, until one doesn’t seem to work and then it gets defederated from the “network” of instances. But an instance is only as good as the communities that it is made up of. When one community allows too much freedom (if that is even possible) we decide to see what we want. Then, the ones moderating have a choice whether to allow it or not, in accordance with the instances ToS lest the community itself get in hot water.

So, their is a good place for moderation, in balance and yet moderators will still take liberties into their own hands and remove or ban at their own discretion within their own interpretation of the instances rules and their own set rules of the community they are moderating. This becomes a problem when it comes to the struggle between freedom of speech/expression and the best judgement of the moderators. It can become unfair, it can seem unjust but that is the point of having decentralized social media. Anyone can create their own server and run it as they please and, given the right moderation and governance, can remain connected to the other instances without fear of defederation.

So, it is not Lemmy but rather the instance that you choose that actually can matter in this sense. Other than that, I suggest joining an instance that aligns with your values. But it must be noted that their is a lot to be said about miscommunication and the difference between spoken word and that of written text. It is easy to misinterpret where a person might be coming from, easy for someone to express themselves haphazardly and easy for a moderator to see where a comment could be taken in offense. This is where the judgement of a moderator must either be trusted or at the very least, tolerated. Otherwise we have no civil rights on this platform.

Imagine if someone, meaning no harm said something yet another interpreted it in offense, or someone said something insensitive toward a particular group of people yet meant no harm, wanted it to be a lighthearted joke. But you have person B who has dealt with this hate or argumentative nature, which ever the case for their entire life. Now they have a choice whether to respond and defend or let go.

On one hand, they might let everything go and, if everyone did this, Lemmy would be this cesspool of the hostile and grotesque–something Lemmy never stood for. On the other if everyone defended themselves civily and without taking offense, then Lemmy would be perfect, but it is not… We can choose to take offense, it can still hurt to get our comment removed, but we must know why it was removed. This adds more work to an unpaid moderator who has to put their extra time into discerning what to leave and what to remove.

As time goes on and rules become solidified by each person gradually testing a communities limitations, this is what brings Lemmy closer to either a utopia or a dystopia. So, each of us has a responsibility. Do we want Lemmy to be the Orwellian society that is like Reddit or do we put in effort to make it the community, unlike others, that promotes both freedom of speech, civility, innovation and information, connection and positive engagement that is most assumably the vision that Lemmy is supposed to be?

Edit: flow, typos.

Are you okay, friend?

The thing about Lemmy is there are different instances/(websites), each with different rules. I think there’s an ask community on .world as well if you’re not comfortable with this one.

All websites open to the clearnet are potentially vulnerable to DDoS and other attacks, that’s just part of being on the network and cybersecurity is a thing for a reason. Likewise you can get a sunburn or rained on when you go outside, which is why we have sunscreen and umbrellas.

I’ve been dealing with stress from living in this seemingly uncaring, all-seeing world too, if it helps you feel less alone. Best we can do is be there for each other as humans when we can in the meantime.