Please read post for full context; any help or input is appreciated! I disclosed sensitive info to a close female coworker (let’s say Ann), who is best friends with the male coworker mentioned (Ned). I’m sure she told him, but then they both seemed to want me to still tell him directly. I did because I believe in doing the right thing, even though I strongly did not want this secret to spread. Ned kept it secret; however, I detest how he started feeling like he had the upper hand and could manipulate me like a puppet to do stupid intern shit for him like repeatedly printing files, including evenings and even attempted to reach me on the weekend by text. I ignored and replied from my work email the next Monday. I could see in his eyes that he had romantic thoughts about me which is largely what made all of this sickening. Ann also went behind my back to tell one of our other coworkers, who is extremely judgmental and tough on people, and even he did not exploit this info - leading us to actually become much closer and respect each other.
What pissed me off the most was when Ned - and Ann - ganged up and tried coercing me into letting him drop me off at home on a Saturday night after I reluctantly made sacrifices in my schedule to meet with them two - choosing to ignore my multiple clear “NO” about the ride as I preferred public transportation. I was having a panic attack in his car while they just relentlessly and repeatedly egged me on, thinking they could break me. They finally let up after going back and forth, and I went home by public transpo.
Ned went to a different team so we didn’t talk for months. I then updated everyone in a mass email about my leaving the overall group, and that’s when he called. Again, he waited until evening - after work hours - to call me. I instantly feel disgusted as it took me back to that traumatic experience. Why can’t he just get the hint and drop it? I did not reach out to him directly to update him, even though it is related to the original sensitive info, because I do not want to talk or encourage anything! I do not want to keep in touch with someone who completely disregarded my preferences and basically nearly kidnapped me. I have no interest in him platonically, romantically, or professionally. Should I call back, text, email from my soon-to-expire work address, email from my personal address, or simply ignore him? I’m afraid it’ll still bug me if I ignore; I also want to be on good terms with Ann even if she doesn’t understand what went wrong and no one has apologized since that incident.
Your interpretation of someone’s look is not their opinion. Apparently he was treating you like crap at work, so I’d guess that wasn’t his intent.
It’s sounds like everyone involved is pretty dramatic.
You’ve never been at the tender mercies of a man who thinks you’re hot and holds a position of power over you, have you?
I don’t think that’s what’s going on here.
I dont think you’re qualified to give an opinion.
What would make me qualified?
Being less of a misogynist, having any experiences that involve antagonistic sexual harassment in a similar context, studying gender relations in an academic way?
What was the sexual harassment here?
I will say while the harassment wasn’t in the sense of bossman asking for a quickie in his office - the harassment was clear with sexual undertone. For more context, we went on a work trip where it was supposed to be all 3 of us there overnight. Ann bailed (no surprise there), so I was forced to be there with Ned. I wanted to go to a cheaper hotel and made it clear I was content staying there myself while he went elsewhere, and Ned kept pressuring me to get this fancy hotel, same one as him. He rented this bright colored trendy car (not the norm for business trips) and said he thought it would look better/more impressive. I instantly thought “Who cares? We are here for work.” It clearly wasn’t for the client because he purposefully parked far away so they wouldn’t see (suspicious in and of itself). He wanted me to go to dinner (with his friend, but still) and randomly claimed he forgot to pack the most essential things and wanted me to go to not one, but two, stores with him. I was so pissed when he kept pressuring me to order a more expensive dish to share and got upset when I didn’t. We got back to the hotel around 10:30pm or even later. Constantly cracking dumb jokes trying to make me laugh. So yes I think the look in his eye wasn’t innocent warmth and longing. I sat in that car and went with his shenanigans because it was a work trip. Some people might be ok with this shit. I’m not some people. As for dramatic, I’ll take it over keeping silent over this misogynistic treatment that has no place in any community.
I see absolutely no inappropriate behavior suggesting misogyny. Splurge on a cool hotel and a fun rental car. Had to run to the store because he forgot stuff. Invited you out to a work dinner because that’s what people do. Told you to live a little and get the shrimp cocktail. Cracked dumb jokes to lighted the mood.
Did he touch you? Did he ask you to go to his hotel ROOM? Did he suggest you go home with his friend?
Ned sounds like a good time tbh. Work trips are boring. Let’s all go get drunk and talk shit about Ann, then drive to the beach the next morning in a flashy car and forget we have such boring Honda civics at home.
I’m really curious what you consider a flashy car. Make and model?
I’ll give you one point for saying that we can not know with certainty a person’s intentions just from their eyes. You lose a lot of points saying that you don’t think that’s what’s going on, you’re so far removed from the situation you have no idea what’s going on. That’s not what’s important anyway. The important thing is that OP feels vulnerable at work. I’m not saying that the male coworker should be drawn and quartered, I don’t know what’s going on. I’m saying you really need to think before you post when someone is expressing their fears.
It sounds like OP is inventing ideas. Also, don’t need your points. Blocked.