Today I was scrolling social media and saw a trans gal who used to weigh 280 but now weighs 175 it reminds me that I’m 200 and raising (I don’t have a scale currently) my HRT hasn’t been working properly so I know that fat is going to masculine areas. Every time I inject I’m reminded what I’m doing is useless and my body will just raise my T or whatever the hell it’s doing. I likely am just resistant to estrogen but I’ll never know since I can’t afford an endocrine doctor (maybe I should be on hrt if I can’t afford that I don’t whatever the fuck liberals (non leftist) say) I don’t really have a community anymore, I’m set to have to move back to my hometown and I have nothing there. I just feel like my life never was worth living to start with but I feel like I’ve just lost interest in waiting and trying. 2 years ago I started HRT and my E levels are so off and on, it’s never consistently working. I just feel like there isn’t really any reason I want to be alive.