cross-posted from: https://linux.community/post/803244
the colleague in question feels that only her way of doing things is the right one and expects me to adapt to her way of thinking and her logic. This is tiring and burdensome because I have to force me to stop doing things automatically and efficiently, but think how she wants it done and do it her way. I work worse when this happens.
There are several ways to reach the same goal and I always adapt according to the situation at hand. I do what feels logic at the time and work my way.
I already told the charge nurse charge about it but I don’t know if she had a conversation with this coworker and what was said.
The message has to be neutral and polite. What do you think of this?
I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It’s tiring. You have your way of doing things, I’ve got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I’m gonna go work now.
Sometimes a simple “No” works wonders.
Thanks for sharing! (then go on and do it whatever way you prefer as long as you feel it’s equally correct and are willing to defend that if called in by your manager)
I would say something like:
Thanks for the ideas, [person’s name]! I have found another way that allows me to get the same to outcome that is quicker for me. To keep things moving efficiently, I recommend that we each use our own techniques. If they clash at any point, we can discuss how to work though that when it comes up. Cool?
Consider the possibility that your way is causing issues somewhere before you have this conversation otherwise you sound really tonedef.
Top of my head something like “I appreciate your input however I prefer to handle things in my own way. Both our methods are efficient and can coexist. If you do have concerns, please direct it at our supervisor. Thank you for understanding.” But I would wait for more answers first just to get more feedback
I replied more fully in the other thread but it’s never a bad idea to go through your manager from the beginning. Talk it over with them and get their approval on your specific response - it’ll fully cover your ass and likely result in the best outcome.
“I don’t answer to you.”
Maybe more blunt: Please stop interrupting my work.
“Thanks for your interest, but I’m not looking for input on my work process.”
In a creative field you should always invite input - but that doesn’t mean you should allow your creativity to be constantly overriden.
As a software developer I remember the day I told my client no, I wasn’t going to do it his way. It felt so good, and our relationship was much better after that.
Before that, my decision was that because he was cutting the checks it was his call.
But that day, I just drew a new boundary for myself: I’m not doing bad work.
(In our case, the “bad work” was always some shortcut that I knew would cause tech debt or maintenance issues later on, because my client didn’t want to spend money near term)
This is the one.
@permit54, as soon as you start to justify argue explain or defend your position to her, that implies you acknowledge she has a right to question your methods.
She doesn’t. She’s not the boss of you and you don’t need to engage with her preferences.
Nice: “Thank you for the input, I prefer to do it the way I have been, which is equally effective and works for me.”
Less Nice: “I understand, but no thank you.”
Less nice than that: While maintaining direct eye contact, “No.”
Not nice: “Shouldn’t you be doing your job and not mine?”
Satisfying, but likely get you fired: “Fuck off.”
The disarming route:
You: Can I have a raise? Pest: What? I can’t give you one, I’m not your boss. You: Say that last part again slowly. [insert raise eyebrows here for emphasis]
You: Can I have a raise?
Pest: What? I can’t give you one. Your work is shit.
You: Say that last part again slowly.
Pest: Your… Work is –
You: Dammit, you messed it up!
“Thanks for the advice, but this way is working out for me. If <your superior> prefers I do it differently, they’ll let me know.”
I feel like this is just the right amount of curtness.
Ask them to show you how it’s done.
Do the same thing next time.
Back away slowly and leave them to it.
Go and have a coffee.
Ask for a raise as you are good at managing people to do the work.
“You’re not the boss of me” :-)
Is the end result the same? Sometimes the right process gets better end results. Especially if you’re a new hire, it’s worth considering doing it their way just out of humility.
I feel you believe you are my boss. You are not. Stop telling me how to work. It’s tiring. You have your way of doing things, I’ve got mine, both equally good. Should you have a problem with this, contact the charge or manager. I’m gonna go work now.
This is an extremely aggressive way to speak to someone. It’s a little wild that this is what you came up with trying to be neutral and diplomatic. Genuinely makes me question if you’re understanding this person and your role correctly.
If you’re certain that doing it your way is just as good then I recommend the following message:
Hi [person’s name]! I wanted to thank you for your help getting me situated into this new role at [company name]. I really appreciate the difficulties of integrating a new team member, and I want you to know I’m 100% committed to doing good work together.
My personal experience with projects like these involves a work flow that looks more like [x, y, z], and the clients that I’ve worked for using this process were always happy with the results. The process you showed me where it’s [a, b, c] doesn’t make as much sense to me, perhaps we can schedule some time to go over why it’s more effective doing it [a, b, c] rather than [x, y, z]? Otherwise, just for the sake of completing the project ASAP I would prefer using the way I have more experience with.
Happy to discuss this with you further at anytime and excited about the great things we’ll be making together 😁
That’s a bullet proof corporate email any manager would take a look at and know you’re not the problem.
It’s a little wild that this is what you came up with trying to be neutral and diplomatic.
that’s why this post is titled ‘can you help me…?’
Genuinely makes me question if you’re understanding this person and your role correctly.
I only know she’s not my boss and my role is the same as her.
I don’t understand why you believe you know my role better than me.
I wouldn’t do this over email. To be effective, the message has to be said next time she feels entitled to ‘correct’ me.
but, just my 2 cents
I only know she’s not my boss and my role is the same as her.
They’ve been in the role longer than you have, that gives them seniority over you.
I don’t understand why you believe you know my role better than me.
You’ve been purposely vague about your role so I am left to make a best guess.
I wouldn’t do this over email. To be effective, the message has to be said next time she feels entitled to ‘correct’ me.
You should do it over email so there is a written record and no miscommunication. You could even CC your supervisor if you wajt to play hardball.
Your currently strategy is to snap at her the next time she annoys you. Not a good look for a new hire.
keep assuming
“It’s great you’ve found a way that works for you, I do it a little differently which works great for me”, smile and leave.
First question: is there a documented Standard Operating Procedure (SOP) you or she is breaking?
If there is an SOP, follow that and only that. When coworker complains, point to the SOP and tell her that you’re following the SOP and will let management know that she isn’t. If you’re not following the SOP and the coworker is trying to get you to follow it, then start following the SOP. Those often exist for very good reasons. If there is no SOP, and it’s something which needs to be done regularly and might impact either life-safety or business operation if it’s not done correctly, then see if management is open to documenting the procedure and creating an SOP. Offer to lead the effort.Second question:
The message has to be neutral and polite.
Why?
“If you would like to do it, I would be happy to let you. Until then, please fuck off and let me do my job.”Don’t assume you know what is going through their mind, if you want to neutral and polite.
“I believe I’m fulfilling the duties of the job. What am I failing to get done?”
Focus on the requirements of the job and the fact that you’re meeting them.
Not sure I like this because it assumes it is her business to decide whether you’re doing the job.
In a healthy workplace your peers are allowed (and should even be incentivized) to give you feedback about your work. Requesting a justification can turn an order into valid constructive feedback. Or it can be the start of an entire circus performance if there’s no actual justification but it would at least try to address the issue.
