Title is a bit much so let me explain.

The world has all kinds of terrible things that the individual can do basically nothing about. Luckily, for most of us it has no direct impact and we are able to ignore the painful reality. But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?

As for the drugs, I specifically mean weed and specifically for the days where I find it too hard to ignore. I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.

Notes:

  • Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
  • I’m not suicidal, I don’t harm myself and while I can tell that lately I have been using weed too much, I don’t think I am abusing it. I’m logging my usage and I review it weekly, If it get’s out of hand I will know (I think)
  • I’m mostly asking about using external stimulation as a form of escapism
  • Yes, I need therapy, sadly it is expensive. Yes I am looking for options.

EDIT: Thanks to all of the replies, I have read them all but I don’t want to respond to all of them. I think this post helped, so thank you!

  • MTK@lemmy.worldOP
    0·
    2 months ago

    Thank you.

    It might sound arrogant, but I think I’m a good person. I always work towards being better, I work on myself and my environment. I think this is what is eating me up about it. The idea that even though I am doing good and always working to improve, this is just something that is out of my control but also directly affects me.

    I accept that this is the world, it is fucked up but it also has all of tgese amazing things in it. Heck, I don’t even think the world had my bad than good in it, but I still can’t handle the bad parts. Weed helps me handle it so that I can continue to do the important things such as working on myself. For example, on a really depressive day I might end up staying in bed for the first 4 hours, while with weed I might get up and clean and shift my mood towards a more hopeful one