When I was 13 years old I did something very wrong. Back in the day in my middle school was fucked up trend: slaping girl’s asses. I didn’t have the courage to do it myself so when we had family reunion I decided to practice with my 5 years old cousin. When I was playing with her I slightly spanked her butt over the clothes multiple times. Then I continued with slightly pulling her pants down and then I slightly spanked. Once I had pulled so much that I saw her private parts and in that moment I had realized that I messed up. Since then I have never repeated such disgusting behaviour, yet my guilt and selfhate for this action has been slowly increasing.

Nowdays with my cousin I have good relationship, I sometimes help her out with school work. She doesn’t seem to be uncomfortable around me.

Am I a disgusting person?

  • Risk@feddit.uk
    0·
    7 months ago

    First off - that act was vile. Please edit the title to include a trigger warning of child abuse.

    It’s appropriate to feel guilt for it. However, teenagers do do stupid things and your past mistakes don’t have to define who you are today.

    The fact you are feeling more guilty and growing self-hatred suggests it is really important to see a professional therapist.

    My unprofessional concern is that your self-hatred masks a paedophilic desire, which on one hand at the moment stops you but on the other hand my concern is that if it goes unaddressed you repeat something similar which is so much worse. Maybe not and you’re just naturally feeling guilty of something reprehensible but it is IMPORTANT to make sure.

    So, who do you want to be? If you don’t want to be disgusted with yourself or worse repeat this kind of thing, the correct thing to do is to see a professional.

    Do this immediately.

    Also, I won’t be engaging with this thread further. So please don’t attempt to reply.