I feel like since starting hrt I feel more hopeless, and I look and realize that I’ll never look like a girl, there’s nothing I can do. My life is essentially over. While yes I look better than I did pre hrt I still look bad and I hate myself and the person I am.
Two years probably seems like an eternity right now. It is a very short period of time for a person to develop. HRT will continue to shape and mold your development for many more years to come. It is not magic, but it’s close. The real magic is your patience and your continued work on this.
It is such a heavy weight to constantly be dissatisfied with onesself. Most people will never know this burden, and it is exceptionally unfair to you that you are tasked with this. But it will be unfair to those of us who will meet you, know you and love you if you were to cast off this burden and abandon us. You do not know the love, joy and help you will bring to us in the years to come. I want you to stay here on earth not just for you, but for us. The people you will meet in your life. The person you will eventually spend the rest of your life with.
I didn’t meet my husband until I was 30. My 30th birthday was spent drunk with a gun in my mouth. We’ve been together for decades now. I have absolutely no idea how I survived long enough to meet him. It was a fluke, probably. My best friend did not survive. Her drinking and depression took her from us last year and I cry almost every day because of it. Please do not follow in her footsteps. Please. I am begging you to understand that your impact on others is profound and far beyond what you are able to know.