“You know i believe in you but i also believe that bad luck can strike anytime. I have seen it myself, one bad tackle and you are done. I have to insist for you to have a back up plan.”

Better than lying and feeding him a line of BS that he can be president or an astronaut or something when the likelihood is so low. Tell him he would make a great accountant. Is he good at math. LOL.

Eh, yeah, a bit of a jerk.

It’s not the facts that matter, it’s how you deliver them. If you don’t focus on what the kid doesn’t have, and focus on what they’d have to do to make it, you’d get the same thing done.

If you add in that they’re expected, while still under your responsibility, to also work towards a secondary goal that’s within reach without needing a ton of luck on top of talent, you set them up to both work on their dream and have a realistic fallback plan.

Doesn’t really matter what it is, when the kid’s dream is one that they can’t make it purely by working at it, it’s our job to prepare them for the possibility of success, no matter how unlikely, as well as presenting reality.

I partially raised a nephew years ago. He wanted to be a musician or a pro skater. Talented in both (more as a musician), but both of those fields take more than ability to make work. Even skating, which isn’t mostly about who you know and what contacts you can make, you gotta bust your ass every single day practicing like a pro does, and start competing. I explained all that, showed him how to find information for himself, and said he still had to make school his first priority until he was an adult.

Well, turns out he didn’t actually like competing, so skating went to the wayside a year or so later.

He started focusing more on music, and started doing small shows here and there, and liked it. But he did hit that wall where you have to not just hustle, but have the right contacts, or make them. So he switched gears like a lot of creative sorts do and got a job he thought might be interesting in the short term while he worked at music as a secondary.

He ended up enjoying that job enough that he decided to do music more as a hobby. Still does. He still skates too, and he’s almost in his thirties now. He’s also starting his own business in the industry he liked, and went to school to get a basic business degree per my advice.

You don’t have to ride their ass, or insist that they abandon a dream. You just have to give them the best advice you can, and let them do their thing as long as they’re meeting core necessities along the way.

It’s even perfectly fine to tell them that there’s limits to what you’ll do and provide while they chase a dream; support doesn’t mean you have to let them stay in the basement with no actual source of self support on a practical level. It just means that you give them the room to get there if they can while also navigating regular life.

Hell, it’s perfectly fine to be blunt about their chances of making it at whatever. Telling your kid that he’d have to reach a level of skill that would take more work than realistically possible is fine. Telling him that he’s got an incredibly long and impractical road ahead of him if he decides to try is fine. And it’s definitely fine to say that he’s got to do it on his own merits, without any nepotism or favors involved. You can even give an honest evaluation of his skills and athleticism, though you gotta be gentle with that.

What never works is telling than that they can’t, that it’s utterly out of the question and you’ll never have their back. That’s a recipe for a kid you never get to see as an adult.

Shit, man, who says you’re even right? Get some outside opinions on the kid’s skills if you’re going to play the heavy and be sure you’re right.

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If you’re a pro, then you know coaches.

Coaches who you could engage on friendly terms to say “Hey, can you coach my kid? And if needs be, let him down gently?” - see what they think of his potential, and if they need to be the one to tell him he is unlikely to make it, then it’s going to be easier coming from then than from his own Dad. You get to look like you’re backing him by sending him to “one of the best coaches in the business” and then console him when they deliver the rough news…

Is he good enough to be a coach? Or a trainer? Or work in sports tech? Media?

Maybe he can find a way to be invoked without being locked in on being a player on the field at the top level. If what he loves is the game, he can be a part of making the game better or safer or reach more people.

Tell him he can go pro if he wins against some pros

Get one of your professional contacts to honestly evaluate him.

You can’t objectively evaluate him since he’s your kid, and any advice he hears from you will be subject to scrutiny since you’re his parent.

If you’re right then your message will be more believable from a third party, and if you’re wrong then they will hopefully catch that.

Either way, you are right to try to set him up for success; that’s your job as his parent.

Since you are a professional who has happened to make it with some level of success, you know firsthand that there are a lot of excellent people who didn’t manage it for one reason or another. (And it’s not always because of lack of talent, they might have just gotten the wrong injury). How did they manage things when they finally came to terms with the fact they wouldn’t make a living doing that? What did they have to fall back on? Are they coaching? Teaching? Selling real estate or insurance?

There is nothing wrong with him chasing his dream, but make sure he has an alternative planned. Make him talk to some of those people, and find his own path. Don’t focus on whether or not he has the talent to make it, but on the fact that even people with all the talent sometimes don’t make it, through no fault of their own. Hope for the best, plan for the worst.

He has to learn for himself. You learn from mistakes. My mom told me I’m too smart to drive trucks. Guess what I do 20 years later?

Being objective and realistic = Not believing in him Why can’t you be objective and realistic about your childs feelings, obviously, even if you are right and he’s no good (which I doubt if you are saying it), you could have just made the statistical argument, “Son, while football is your dream, the chances of being sustained by it are small and you need a reliable way to survive in the world.” Anything other than telling him YOU dont think HE can do it, and if you can’t accept that, then you need to put aside your ego and seek professional expertise.

Did you go straight into being a pro footballer? Or did you have back up plans? Like “if this doesn’t work out, I’ll be an electrician” or something?

I’ve never had super lofty goals, but my parents always supported me in what I wanted to do. They never tried to steer me, but they did ask pertinent questions about what I was planning at various points. Probably to hint at bad idea.
I feel like I could have asked them for money/support at any point for any of my projects/ideas/whatevers, and - after making sure I was serious - would have helped out however they could.
I have a very unique career at this point, and I am only in this position because of the eclectic experience I have. And it is completely unrelated to my dreams as a kid or what I studied at university.

Ultimately, he is growing up. He’s going to have to make mistakes.
I’d say you have to be prepared to support him as much as you can in his dream of being a pro footballer.
Maybe he won’t be a pro footballer, but he might get a satisfying career out of being football-adjacent. Medic, science, coaching.
Or maybe he will try it for 5 years and eventually realise it’s not gonna happen, and be an electrician.
Or maybe he will struggle for 2 years, realise he needs to double down, and make the cut a year later.

I had a friend when I was growing up that dreamed of being an RAF pilot. Everything he did was around that.
Due to some unfortunate life circumstances, that dream was ripped away in the space of a week. Completely out of anyone’s control, but he could no longer qualify as an RAF pilot.
He was heartbroken. He’s now an engineer/mechanic in the RAF and loves tinkering with cars.

He shouldn’t find another dream.
But he should be aware that dreams don’t always come about. And if this dream doesn’t, would he be happy in an adjacent career? Or something else entirely?
Help him research the backup plan.

Same scenario with my son years back. He loved basketball and his skinny, 5ft 8" body was not going to propell him to NBA stardom. My wife accused me of crushing my son’s spirits. I never discouraged him from the sport and went to every high school and travel ball ($$$) game where he mostly sat on the bench. He’s in his 30s now and planning a family, so the dreams are different. I don’t think I did any lasting damage.

But, would I do it the same way again? It’s nuanced to be sure. We want our children to be prepared for their futures and excel, not wash out. What I would do is look for ways to help him discover, on his own, where his real talent lies and comes to the realization himself.l and be there to soften the blow to that dream. Then, if his passion is still football, help him discover all the different career options are available, on and off the field, that can keep him close to his passion.

I hope this helps. If you’re asking, you’re likely a better dad that many out there.

Oh, and his mother is a c#$t and I divorced her shitty ass. ;)

I don’t think it needs to be said. He will figure it out on his own that he isn’t good enough to make it.

He will either find the drive to make the success or determine it isn’t worth it, or that it isn’t obtainable. That is just part of growing up and getting older. It’s a life experience in itself.

But to put it to bluntly at such a young age just isn’t necessary. It’s kind of dickish if you ask me. Ultimately he’s enjoying himself and having fun. Organically he will get over it and grow up. No need to do it for him and spoil the fun.

You have make the call about your opinion of his talent. We can’t know.

If you are looking to ascribe a pejorative term to your behavior the consider this.

If you are wrong you may a dumbass, but since you are doing your best to help the kid, you are certainly not a jerk.