i am not talking about performance anxiety i think
it is something else
i might feel
- being close to someone = danger = EJECT EJECT EJECT
- someone i like shows she likes me = danger = PUSH PUSH PUSH her away
- i am needy therefore i will be exploited
- those who love get screwed. so i must not get close to anyone i love
- i have no support network therefore i will be badly hurt when this ends, and almost everything ends
- she does x or y, so she is not good enough, so i won’t get close to her
Dan Savage had some good advice a while back:
Your awkward/repulsive stage will pass. In the meantime, here’s what you need to do: worry less about getting your young teenage self laid and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and get yourself a body that girls will find irresistible, read—read books—so that you’ll have something to say to girls (the best way to make girls think you’re interesting is to actually be interesting), and get out of the house and do shit—political shit, sporty shit, arty shit—so that you’ll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and become comfortable talking with them.
It is much easier to talk to someone when you have something to talk about.