When I was a teenager, I thought people in their 20’s were the most attractive. Now that I’m about 40, I still think people in their 20’s are the most attractive. It’s hard for me to believe that I might ever be attracted to someone past retirement age, even when I’m past retirement age myself, unless the person is like one of those celebrities who look way younger than they are.
This isn’t something I can comfortably ask most older people I know, but there’s one man who admits that he isn’t and one woman who is. Which is more normal?
Yes the riper the banana the sweeter the taste…
I would say maybe a case of what are you referring to as attractive. I’m also iny 40s and would say 20s looks good, BUT, the gap in lived experiences, world views, musical tastes, etc, would get tiresome very quickly.
I also recognize that I’m not some Hollywood hero pretty myself, so trying to base a relationship on what is physically appealing as the first thought is not going to go far.
Dated a girl almost 10 years apart, not that huge in the grand scheme of things. We didn’t have a thing in common and it didn’t last long…never again
I’ve always been attracted to folks with cute & youthful vibe. But when I was a teen that was pretty restricted to other teens, even the ‘young looking’ twenty year olds who were playing high-school students on TV obviously looked older and therefore less attractive to me.
But now I’m in my 40s my range of who looks youthful and hot is much wider. Now I find 20s hotter than teens, 30s can look pretty youthful, and I’m not super attracted to older people, but I find them less gross because I’m used to what older bodies look like (I have one!). And since physical attractiveness is just one part of overall attraction, I’d probably find a cute & 39 person more overall attractive than cute & 19, just because my experience is that most 39 year olds are funnier and more socially skilled than teenagers.
I can’t imagine every finding a 70 year old hotter on a physical level to 20 year old. But I can imagine being so content and in love with my elderly partner that I didn’t care that much.
It’s hard for me to believe that I might ever be attracted to someone past retirement age
If you’re looking for a connection beyond just physical, someone drastically younger (yet still an adult) is missing much of the life experience you have. They maybe unrealistically idealistic. They may not have experienced other cultures. They may take religion at face value as the truth. All of these things are usually things that change with age. I think I would run out of patience interacting with someone that wasn’t my peer in life as a partner.
I can recount from my personal experience that i’ve been attracted to teens when i was younger. Now that i’m 25, not so much anymore. I still see the appeal, but it gets less interesting to me as i’m not looking for that kind of relationship anymore. I’m looking for a more “reliable” partner.
Oh and also in the past i could never imagine staying with one person only. Now, i can.
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well am i old if i feel old enough?
isn’t oldness relative?
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let’s settle on “i’m an adult”
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You are right. It is relative. I’m twice your age. 25 is so young to me. I didn’t even really start having fun with adulthood until about 30. And I got into some shenanigans as a teen and twenty-something. Maybe that was more to do with leveling up the career until I had disposable income. Anyway, you may find yourself looking back on 25 and view it differently than you do now.
Your body is 40. You’re still 12.
I’m sure that holds up well in court
No, it just becomes a more suitable option. It’s important for the survival of a species to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age. There are often outliers, of course. They are natures way of probing for better ages.
to mate as soon as ready, so there is some natural attraction towards that age.
Are you sure?
It sounds more like a death sentence than a survival mechanism in this economy.
Evolution didn’t plan on an economy even existing
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What do you mean by “emotional attraction”? I enjoy spending time with my good friends, and I would even say that I love them in the way that friends love each other, but I am not attracted to them.
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But are you saying that there can be romantic attraction without significant physical aspects, or are you talking about romantic attraction with fewer (but still some) physical aspects but more emotional ones?
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Yes. These two are different things. Most people experience both, some only one of the two, and Jaiden experienced none of that.
As seems to be the consensus, I still find people in their 20s physically attractive, but the prospect of spending any significant amount of time talking to most people more than 5 or so years separated from my age is pretty exhausting. If we’re talking long term relationships, I’d rather compromise a bit on looks in favor of a roughly contemporary personality than vice versa. And, as I get older, my threshold for “attractive” softens a bit to accommodate that personality.
Great answer!
As a 40 something this pretty much matches my thoughts.
I would add that my hormones have settled down in the last 20 years as well. Like when you’re 20 there’s this “imperative” to pursue sexual encounters. Now it’s still there but it’s just more sensible.
I’ll also add that I think around 30 is the most appealing age. I probably thought that when I was 18 too.
As a 40 year old male I find that character becomes a bigger factor, even if it sounds cheesy. Sure, a hot but bland 20 something can be attractive and that will not change, but I would rather spend my time with an interesting 60 year old. Maybe it is because I am no Adonis either. But I also like to believe that a DiCaprio type situation would make me deadly afraid of taking advantage of someone at a much different stage of life.
I would also theorize that as it becomes more difficult to guess the age by looks alone character becomes a more important differentiator. Of course some signs of age can not be hidden, but there are plenty of 18 year olds dressing much older as well as lots of older women not giving off grandma vibes.
I’m… Unfortunately older than I wish I was. I am very solidly Gen X. I still find young people physically attractive. But I also find people my own age attractive; I most certainly would not have found people my age attractive when I was in my 20s. Even though I may find younger people attractive, I have zero interest in relationships with them. Not only do I already have a partner, but I simply have nothing in common with most of them. If I make references to Thundercats or He-Man, that shit is going to go entirely over their heads, and I’m likewise not going to understand any of their cultural references.
You’re one of several people mentioning shared cultural references, but if you’re male and your partner is female then I’m surprised that she has any interest in things like Thundercats or He-Man regardless of her age. I’m more of a Transformers fan myself and I’ve never even met a woman who would respond to anything Transformers-related with more than just polite disinterest.
I’m a nerdy heterosexual man, and in my experience practically no women share my interests or hobbies. Therefore my relationships have been built around doing the things that pretty much everyone enjoys - eating a nice meal, going for a walk, talking about current events, playing with pets, etc. A good partner is someone who enjoys doing these ordinary things with me. Maybe someone who does share my interests would be even better but I don’t think finding a person like that is likely enough to be worth passing up other opportunities.
I wonder why your experience is apparently so different from mine. Am I unusual or are you?
There is a reason why retirement homes and nursing facilities are the #2 highest locations for STIs, behind college campuses.
I’ve heard that statistic but it doesn’t match what I’ve seen in my own family. My grandparents weren’t physically intimate with each other even when I was a kid and they were relatively young. (I lived with them so I would have noticed if they ever wanted private time together, and they never did.) This, combined with the fact that many people in nursing homes are in no condition to actually have (consensual) sex, makes me wonder if the explanation for that statistic is not as straightforward as it seems.
I am in a long term relationship, so I’m not walking around looking for options. However, I am in my mid-forties, and I genuinely find people (of any gender) around my own age the most attractive, including on a purely physical level.
Anyone younger than mid-thirties or so just look like children (not literally, but it’s the best analogy I can think of). I don’t find them physically appealing. I obviously cannot say if this will continue to be the case as I get older, but as of right now, it’s true.
I’m in my mid-thirties and I know that I’m going to be not as marketable to people even 5 years younger than me. I have a soft spot for older people and have been attracted to those twenty or ten years from me. The conflicting part I keep approaching is that if I theoretically date one of them, they’re going to die before I will and I’m not sure I’m equipped to handle it when they get older and are going to need a lot of assistance. I mean if the love is strong enough, exceptions may be made but I’m still uncertain.
Love can age like wine, but it varies from person to person.
Obviously I’m going to find those 10 years younger than me attractive, but is it really because it’s their personality or because I’m wondering how they look without their clothes? Their personality would probably wind me down quick so it’s physical at this stage.
I tend to find people around my age the most attractive. I’m in my mid thirties. 20 year olds look like babies to me and the idea of being with one in any sense is not appealing.
This wasn’t the case when I was younger. A 30 year old wasn’t attractive to me when i was 20.
