I first tried to kill myself in 2000, and writing about it of course resulted in another fucking award from Columbia.
My drug dealer broke into my apartment, found my phone, called everyone he’d ever heard me talk about, and then finally 911. I’d been thorough.
At that point, it was merely personal problems; we now have systemic ones.
I’m still crashing with a friend but return to the marginally movable trash can tomorrow.
I don’t know what I’m looking for by posting. I just know “not this” is where I’m at in life, and one can only spend so much time with the crisis line.
I’d like to second this sentiment… I know that there’s one man who understands the fear I’m feeling, the building rage and panic. He posts on my instance and his name is Pete. Its a little thing but it makes me feel less alone.
Might edit this post with sone music I’ve been using to cope later. I just wanted to let you know I, we, see you.
I usually know how to respond. In this case, I do not.
You don’t always have to. I know some of what you’re feeling and sympathize. There’s some music in the above post. I wish I could do more for you than link to an eclectic barrage of tracks.
<3
I’m only familiar with one Sufjan Stevens track. I’ll check these out. Thanks!