This makes sense to me. The idea that discussion of sex is itself a sexual act seems like it muddies the topic.
There’s certainly ways of discussing sex that require consent, like erotic roleplaying or something where you’re involving the other person directly, but that’s not what the original post is about.
If any discussion of sex is taboo in public situations it leads to exactly the sort of issues OP is trying to reduce, where the norms of silence act as a shield for abusers.
The idea that discussion of sex is itself a sexual act seems like it muddies the topic.
If it wasn’t a sex act, then phone sex workers wouldn’t exist, erotica wouldn’t exist.
There’s certainly ways of discussing sex that require consent, like erotic roleplaying
It’s called negotiations or initiation. These are abstract ways people talk about sex more clinically to see if people mesh or what kinks they have. People ABSOLUTELY get off to ANY discussion about sex. And that is a huge part of why some people only want to share thar side of themselves with safe people, especially if they aren’t an exhibitionist.
If any discussion of sex is taboo in public situations it leads to exactly the sort of issues OP is trying to reduce, where the norms of silence act as a shield for abusers.
Again, I assert it isn’t TABOO, but PRIVATE/PERSONAL. Just like my medical history isn’t taboo, it’s private and personal. It’s emotionally invasive to discuss sex with others for some people.
What shields abusers, ironically, is not discussing consent and not putting consent first. Also, the belief that abuse is automatically contagious- eg the belief a child who has been abused will go on to abuse another - which makes the victim feel like they ARE a monster like their abuser and makes them afraid to admit the abuse to others.
Abuse is literally handled by consent and boundary discussions, and additionally with straightforward biology and public health info (STIs are a sign of sexual abuse as well, via germ warfare and usually a lack of access to healthcare).
I talk with some friends about sex, and some friends not so much. I have friends who get stressed talking about anal, and one friend who gets extremely disturbed whenever someone brings up licking food off bodies as a sex act (she was tricked as a young child to do this).
As a Dominatrix, I have met people with such a wide variety of desires and pasts and traumas, that I think it’s best, if you want to have happy healthy discussions about sex, to just say something chill to make sure everyone is comfortable. There is just so much variety in the world and you have NO idea what kinks someone might have.
Ofc people make mistakes, they trigger others, I’m not suggesting the cops come out. I’m just pointing out that it is abuse, harmful, and that your friends may feel like healing from these interactions isn’t really worth being around you anymore. Because that’s the decision they are making if you trigger them and don’t care- how to enforce their boundaries.
If it wasn’t a sex act, then phone sex workers wouldn’t exist, erotica wouldn’t exist.
There are a lot of things that aren’t always a sex act but can be in the right circumstances, arguably most things.
Again, I assert it isn’t TABOO, but PRIVATE/PERSONAL. Just like my medical history isn’t taboo, it’s private and personal.
Do you think it’s important to get consent from people before sharing your medical history?
Regardless, it’s possible to discuss sex in ways that aren’t as private as medical history; it’s a common element in comedy, theater, and art.
What shields abusers, ironically, is not discussing consent and not putting consent first.
Multiple things can shield abusers. Consent and discussion of it is absolutely foremost, but if sex is taboo it makes conversation about sexual consent much rarer and less organic.
Any topic can make people uncomfortable, sex, religion, politics, death; all things to avoid in polite company, but they’re also a big part of life and should be discussed freely imo.
This makes sense to me. The idea that discussion of sex is itself a sexual act seems like it muddies the topic.
There’s certainly ways of discussing sex that require consent, like erotic roleplaying or something where you’re involving the other person directly, but that’s not what the original post is about.
If any discussion of sex is taboo in public situations it leads to exactly the sort of issues OP is trying to reduce, where the norms of silence act as a shield for abusers.
If it wasn’t a sex act, then phone sex workers wouldn’t exist, erotica wouldn’t exist.
It’s called negotiations or initiation. These are abstract ways people talk about sex more clinically to see if people mesh or what kinks they have. People ABSOLUTELY get off to ANY discussion about sex. And that is a huge part of why some people only want to share thar side of themselves with safe people, especially if they aren’t an exhibitionist.
Again, I assert it isn’t TABOO, but PRIVATE/PERSONAL. Just like my medical history isn’t taboo, it’s private and personal. It’s emotionally invasive to discuss sex with others for some people.
What shields abusers, ironically, is not discussing consent and not putting consent first. Also, the belief that abuse is automatically contagious- eg the belief a child who has been abused will go on to abuse another - which makes the victim feel like they ARE a monster like their abuser and makes them afraid to admit the abuse to others.
Abuse is literally handled by consent and boundary discussions, and additionally with straightforward biology and public health info (STIs are a sign of sexual abuse as well, via germ warfare and usually a lack of access to healthcare).
I talk with some friends about sex, and some friends not so much. I have friends who get stressed talking about anal, and one friend who gets extremely disturbed whenever someone brings up licking food off bodies as a sex act (she was tricked as a young child to do this).
As a Dominatrix, I have met people with such a wide variety of desires and pasts and traumas, that I think it’s best, if you want to have happy healthy discussions about sex, to just say something chill to make sure everyone is comfortable. There is just so much variety in the world and you have NO idea what kinks someone might have.
Ofc people make mistakes, they trigger others, I’m not suggesting the cops come out. I’m just pointing out that it is abuse, harmful, and that your friends may feel like healing from these interactions isn’t really worth being around you anymore. Because that’s the decision they are making if you trigger them and don’t care- how to enforce their boundaries.
There are a lot of things that aren’t always a sex act but can be in the right circumstances, arguably most things.
Do you think it’s important to get consent from people before sharing your medical history?
Regardless, it’s possible to discuss sex in ways that aren’t as private as medical history; it’s a common element in comedy, theater, and art.
Multiple things can shield abusers. Consent and discussion of it is absolutely foremost, but if sex is taboo it makes conversation about sexual consent much rarer and less organic.
Any topic can make people uncomfortable, sex, religion, politics, death; all things to avoid in polite company, but they’re also a big part of life and should be discussed freely imo.