I need sleep
Being only slightly stale isn’t an issue at all, especially when it comes to sustenance to stay alive. Setting personal gain aside, have people pay you to travel to Bumfuck, Africa. Make it rain infinite slightly stale baguettes. Solve their hunger, at least for a while, and build a composting facility to create mass amounts of compost out of tons of slightly stale baguettes. Feed their livestock tons of slightly stale baguettes.
Travel to Bumfuck, India. Make it rain infinite slightly stale baguettes. Solve their hunger, at least for a while, and build a composting facility to create mass amounts of compost out of tons of slightly stale baguettes. Feed their livestock tons of slightly stale baguettes.
I’m sure you could reach out to many impoverished countries of the world, say hey you pay for my travel, my food & lodging, and pay me $200K (or whatever they can afford) and I’ll make slightly stale baguettes rain down from the fucking sky and they’ll gladly take you up on that offer. If they’re smart.
World hunger, solved. Deserts covered with multiple feet of fertile, composted bread-soil. And as others have said, French toast & other foods forever. Plus if you work it right, you could get paid to travel the world & enrich the nations with your talent.
Become famous for producing infinite food, get shot by a religious fanatic whose beliefs don’t align with the supernatural talents you possess. That or just a corporate hit by Frito-Lays.
If someone pulls a gun on you, then just summon a baguette into their lung…
Someone tries to shoot you? Believe it or not, baguette.
I guess that is an angle. But I think I heard of an old Asian tale basically saying that tyrants, dictators, and oppressors require amazing security detail by default. But universally loved rulers who care for the people & do incredible amounts of good need minimal security, and every good man is an unpaid member of their security detail. Virtually all will work to protect him.
Even if that were the case, if you could quickly work over a few countries & create organic, fertile topsoil for all the barren land on Earth – I would argue you have a moral obligation to quickly, quietly execute that power. Even if it kills you. Perhaps start by creating oceans of slightly stale baguettes in the deserts; leave people in the dark. Then go to countries in secret & be like I am the bread god, you’ve seen my work, pay me now, and get all the bread.
Even if they were to eventually find & kill you, strictly speaking about utility, creating millions of tons of fertile, rich compost & filling the bellies of millions of people is more good than you or I could ever hope to accomplish in a lifetime. Even a million people. It would be an act of goodness that would change the world forever.
Maybe this is a cynical take, but someone in power would almost immediately have the magic infinite food person assassinated.
I eat a lot of French toast.
My kids get breakfast on demand.
Feeding the homeless.
And if you park in the bike lane with your window open, you’re getting a very crumby backseat.
I was going to go with unlimited French Toast, but as the price of chicken eggs approaches Fabergé eggs, that may not work out.
Switching to garlic bread, croutons, and
croque madamedang it!There has to be a pretty good vegan french toast recipe somewhere for inspiration on egg replacement.
You mad genius, that could work!
A quick look shows cheap and plentiful cornstarch and ground flaxseed may do the trick! I’d eat that…
I use silken tofu, corn starch (bird’s custard powder) and oat milk as the basis for bread pudding. I assume it would also work for French toast.
The custard powder sounds like a great idea.
I have never used silken tofu. I like the firm stuff, but never knew what to do with the silken.
Blending it will give you something that’s roughly the texture of a milkshake. If you cook it for a long time, you can get some liquid out to make things like egg bites, but I prefer to either use it as the basis for sauces or puddings or to strain it and break it up manually to sautee it in a tofu scramble.
The soybean is one amazing thing!
I’ve made homemade tofu a few times before, and while I can’t do it in a large enough scale to be worth it, it is absolutely delicious! Even my old hound dog would be in the kitchen drooling more than I’d ever seen her for anything else while I cooked it. It was easy, cheap, and pretty fun making it curdle, but it’s also messy, uses a lot of things to clean, and takes a bit of time.
Become a French toast master
According to wikipedia, the atmosphere has a mass of about 5.15×10^18 kg and a baguette has a minimum mass of 8×10^-2 kg
I only need to create 6.4×10^19 baguettes
Now i have to figure out how to monetize this
If you summon enough baguettes in the right spot in space, you generate enough mass to gravity-slingshot Earth into a new trajectory. Depending on what mood you’re in, you could use this to solve global warming, or send us into a collision course with the sun.
I become king of Dad Jokes.
<Dream transition effect>
<Clears throat to someone>
What do you do after getting your groceries?
<summons baguette>
You baguette !
🥖
Hey, so I’m very positive somewhere near you is a doorway of some type. Would you kindly walk through it, and leave?
I’ll put some spicy chicken, turkey or other meat with some onions and garlic, hot out of the frying pan, maybe some hot sauce or gravy and some salad on the bread. Wrap with aluminium foil and leave it for a few minutes. Nice soft bread again…
Open up a breading buisness. Turn the stale bread into breading and sell it at half the price of the competition.
Elroy’s House of Croutons
Do my thing while standing by the microwave, that magical box which turns slightly stale bread into hot steamy fresh bread again.
I assassinate people by summoning baguettes in their lungs.
We thought they would use this power to end world hunger, but it only took them 7 hours to weaponize it
Can’t be hungry if they are dead!
Breadbane the Yeastman always rises!
I would rain down bagels upon my enemies’ heads! Muhahaha.
Baguettes AND bagels is too OP. Not fair.
Apparently I can’t read well the first 30 minutes of the day.
Unlimited garlic bread, yay!
I could probably get a job at either of my local grocery store bakery departments with that.
I don’t use it for personal gain.
I give away infinite free bread, and get arrested and jailed forever.
I’d make a fuckload of croutons
T O A S T
