I have heard from multiple people that eye contact is essential in letting a girl (or guy, I guess) know you’re interested.
But what is the 411 when it comes to said eye contact? Do you keep looking until she does? Do you then keep staring? Or is like looking at the sun? What’s the deal?
It’s all vibes. There is no cheat code, you just have to grok social ques by spending lots of time with people. Put your 10000 hours in, its worth it people are fascinating.
What do you do with the vibrations? What frequency?
I’m told you are supposed to pick up the good ones.
grok social ques
Best possible word choice to tell us you can’t do it yourself.
how dare you. I have friends they just go to a different school
Behavioral mirroring is often a sign of trust or comfort, and applies to levels of eye contact as well. If someone is subconsciously doing the same things you are doing (e.g. longer and more direct eye contact if you initiate, more or slower blinking, more smiling, more relaxed postures to mirror yours), those are good signs of interest.
The converse is also true. If you are doing a lot of direct eye contact, and it seems like the other person is often looking away or closing up their body (crossed arms or rotating their torso away), that’s a sign to reduce some of those behavioral signals to match.
I’d say there isn’t a “This exact amount” to most things, as people are all different in their preferences, and it’s more about adjusting up and down with someone, in response to their small non-verbal or body language signals. They will likely be doing the same with you. Also, as others have mentioned - you can be more direct with words. If this is something you’re unfamiliar with and there’s someone you trust, you can say directly that you’re uncertain and ask something like “I’m not great at knowing how much eye contact feels correct, could you let me know if you notice too much or too little?”. If they are friendly with you, they’ll also likely be comfortable with the small request.
Also, just to say it - eye contact can mean the general eye area - it doesn’t mean your exact pupil to their exact pupil. I find that if I focus on the literal eye/pupil, then I get strained trying and keep attention on that specific small area. If I focus on the general eye area (nose/forehead/eyebrow/general eye) - they both can’t tell that it’s indirect eye contact and it’s easier to let my body auto pilot focus
Honestly? By being genuinely interested in a person and not faking anything.
Trying to look a certain way nearly always screams fake and uncanny, just show emotions the way you’re used to!
like this 👀 idk man how am i supposed to show you from here
Consent. Body language is just words with a more physical language, so you’d act similar as you would with words. If the interest answers with positive eye contact it is more likely that the interest is mutual in a different language as well, but NOT a given. Gist: Listen with your eyes.
But how is OP meant to do that if they don’t know what they’d even be listening for? I’m not single these days but I never figured this whole body language thing out either, people’s movements just don’t seem to mean all that much.
In her book “How to talk to anyone” Leil Lowndes suggests that when speaking with women it’s best to maintain constant, unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest. She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest. She believes this formula is best in male to female conversations and female to female conversation.
By contrast, she notes that when engaged in a male to male conversation, one should regularly break eyecontact as not to be perceived as a threat. However, one should still act as if your eyes are being irresistibly drawn back to theirs.
… I have no idea what Lowndes’s qualifications are and frankly this sounds like a formula written by an alien trying to understand humans but hey maybe theres some merrit to it idk
Okay but where’s the line between “unbroken eye contact to signal attention and interest” and just being a creepy stalker?
the line between […] just being a creepy stalker?
Depends mainly on your own looks, and a little bit on the question if she’s already into you:
Are you closer to George Clooney or The Real Life Hunchback?
Gotta follow rules 1 and 2, of course.
Varies with attractiveness.
Can confirm. Have been told I have dangerous eyes.
Well, I got the impression that the author was mostly hanging out in upper class society. So while she’s asserting that these rules are universally applicable, her frame of reference seemed to be mostly talking to people in situations like fundraisers and galas. I imagine she’s operating on a framework of always having some prior knowledge of the people she’s engaging with.
She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman, only briefly looking away when another person is speaking and behaving as if your eyes are irresistibly drawn back to the woman of interest.
Honestly, as a woman, if a man started doing this to me in a group I’d be freaked the fuck out
Yep. As if women would never perceive men as a threat based on the same signals men would use to perceive threat.
Men, logical and hunter warrior manly men. Women, attention seekers. Therefore, stare down pretty women to show manly manness.
Alpha bro evo psych is so wild.
Yeah but due to conditioning from many generations of patriarchy, the man being perceived as a threat might actually help his chances. A disproportionately high ratio of women seem to enjoy threatening sexual partners.
If getting laid is the only goal, the male has more to fear from not trying than fear of rejection. That and pepper spray.
I think they mean 1 on 1
Jesus christ dude
She goes on to note that even when engaged in conversation with multiple people one should act as if their eyes are constantly glued to the woman
Focussing… Focussing…
The only community I’ve been in where men constantly break eye contact is the military. And that’s because we were in Iraq and constantly checking out surroundings as we talked. Men are not gorillas. Eye contact is perceived as paying attention to the conversation.
Kinda sounds like it would be the same kind of thing that brought forth the whole “alpha male” thing.
I got that vibe throughout the entire book. It really smelled to me of someone trying to justify their own success when in reality she was probably just born with the right connections.
Almost like sex hormones change the way people act and react
Adding a smile goes a long way, or at least it used to.
Snap snap grin grin wink wink nudge nudge say no more! Know what I mean, nudge nudge?
You know what erases all of this? Just SAYING it. TELL people what you mean and skip all the games.
Any advice for autistic people who are uncomfortable with eye contact?
As far as I know I’m not autistic, but hate eye contact and just kinda decided to not worry about it? Eye contact is cultural anyway, and in some countries it’s unusual or rude so I guess I just decided it’s not that important to me. That’s one option!
But for practical advice on improving if that’s what you want to strive for I find it’s easier to practice with someone you’re comfortable with. Looking between their eyes while talking casually. Not like staring, but reminding yourself to look up occasionally during conversation. And increasing the length of time you hold eye contact until it’s uncomfortable and look away. It’ll become more natural to you over time :)
There’s also videos available on YouTube that are for practicing eye contact but I found them creepy. My mistake was probably smoking weed beforehand, so maybe don’t do that!
Best of luck to you!
First you need to approach in a non threatening way. Ideally, by shouting “I am bigger and stronger than you! If I wanted you dead, you’d be by now!”
That way they know you are NOT a threat
If possible, make them feel secure by brandishing a weapon of any kind. That way they know they WILL be safe near you
Ah yes, the pufferfish method.
Next! Wrist control!
bro the last paragraph makes you sound like an ailen trying to mimic humans ngl
I have no idea what you’re talking about.
GREETINGS FELLOW HUMAN
Do I sound like a handsome alien, at least?
You look them deep in the center of their eyes and breath deep and smile and then you use your fucking words to tell them.
There is an evolutionary trait that checks potential partners for eye dilation after prolonged eye contact, supposedly to check for defects, but all it does is a little Seratonin so it’s useless in a world of rational choice.
You look them deep in the center of their eyes
Like in between the eyes or in the middle of one eye? If it’s one eye, do you pick one or do you switch? At which frequency?
Every 6.9 microseconds. Remember to very your pitch
Words? What is that. Where do I buy one?
Works 100% percent of the time.
60% of the time it works all the time.
I look like this…
