I think I got a crush on my dance instructor. Which fucking sucks for all the obvious reasons. Normally I wouldn’t be so worried. BUT I JUST HAD A GODDAMN ROMANTIC DREAM ABOUT HER. Seriously I just woke up from a dream about her confessing her love to me and me eagerly doing the same about her.

So how do you stop a crush from developing further? Because this is a well from which only disappointment may be drawn.

  • Andy@slrpnk.net
    0·
    10 months ago

    Try actively steering your fantasy past the peak of infatuation and into the latter stages of a relationship and on to breakup.

    Right now, you have intrusive thoughts about falling in love with them, and probably the excitement of getting to know someone intimately. Instead of trying to hold back, let that fantasy play out in your head further. Imagine moving in, imagine them not getting you when you’re explaining your problems. Imagine liking them, but finding their bad habits increasingly intolerable, and never being able to pick a movie to watch. Imagine them not flushing the toilet and clogging the shower drain with hair. And then imagine meeting someone new, and feeling guilty about crushing had on them. Imagine this new person reciprocates, and imagine politely explaining to your dance instructor that you guys can stay friends but, the romance has run it’s course.

    And there you are. The itch is scratched, and in your mind they’re just a friend again.

    • Bakachu@lemmy.world
      0·
      10 months ago

      This totally works. Way back in middle school I had a pretty big crush on this guy. I was shy and there was just a trickle of his interest in me, posibly imaginary, but just enough to keep me miserable. One night had a pretty long dream about us going through a whole relationship with all the misunderstandings, arguments, and realizations that come with it. Woke up super refreshed, fulfilled, and ready to move on. About a year later he asked me out and I turned him down. Felt like it’d be going back to an ex or something.

      • Andy@slrpnk.net
        0·
        10 months ago

        I’m sorry if I bummed you out! For what it’s worth, I think you’re misreading this!

        This exercise isn’t supposed to reflect an inevitability to relationships becoming unfulfilling. It’s just a tool to recover the ability to see people in a balanced and realistic way instead of through the uncontrollably lens of puppy love.

        I’m in a long term relationship, well past the point of early infatuation, and I can tell you that that feeling is replaced by a different kind of love that I enjoy just as much. Long term relationships shouldn’t be scary, they’re wonderful. But when you’re smitten, simulating the evolution in how you feel about someone as you get to know them is just a way to remove the effects of a crush.

        Don’t be sad! Long term relationships with a person you like are wonderful.

  • kn33@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    10 months ago

    I find my crushes go away on their own after about a week. Your mileage may vary.

  • retrieval4558@mander.xyz
    0·
    10 months ago

    Time. Crushes are naturally a temporary infatuation. They pass given time. Have fun with the fantasies, but I personally would not suggest trying to actually hit on her.

    It’s poor form to hit on people in their work places. If she initiates, that’s one thing, but I wouldn’t try anything otherwise.

    • SendMePhotos@lemmy.world
      0·
      10 months ago

      To be fair, it would be unprofessional and in poor taste for the instructor to advance on a student/client.

  • ani@endlesstalk.org
    0·
    10 months ago

    Tell her. Then she likely rejects your feelings, and you distance yourself from her to kill the feelings.

    • nawa@lemmy.world
      0·
      10 months ago

      Yeah. It’s super scary but it’s really the most optimal route. I fell in love with a friend, told her, she said she doesn’t feel the same way but we still remain friends and after a period of awkwardness it got back to the way it was before. We live in different parts of the world most of the year so nothing would really change one way or another, but still, it was easier to get things out in the open.

      Just should tell her in a non-creepy casual way and it should be fine.

    • Victor@lemmy.world
      0·
      10 months ago

      This is what I was thinking.

      Either she rejects and that’s a big turn off for the very obvious reason of her not wanting to be with OP (or it should be), or she accepts and it could be great. Nothing to lose.

      • ani@endlesstalk.org
        0·
        10 months ago

        Lol that’s not even close to real awkwardness of letting romantic feelings develop to crazy levels and end up friendzoned or worse. We need to be men and avoid falling a victim to our own naivety.

        Also, that’s also why I said to distance from her, which includes not taking classes with her anymore.

  • GoodbyeBlueMonday@startrek.websiteEnglish
    0·
    10 months ago

    I saw your post the other day and didn’t have anything constructive to add (my instinct was to say ‘just see where it goes, but don’t force it to be romantic’, but I know so little about the situation that it’s hollow advice), but I came across this article in the NY Times that might speak to your situation. It talks about limerence, which is a new word for me. I say might, because it might not be what you’re feeling, but it’s worth a read regardless, and the tips on how to overcome it in the article seem useful (and have backing by different researchers, so they’re bound to have more material on the subject that would be potentially related to what you’re going through).

    Gift link so no paywall: https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/27/style/limerence-addiction-love-crush.html?unlocked_article_code=1.RU0.qcHQ.OMOM2nOkSCqy&smid=url-share

  • Son_of_dad@lemmy.world
    0·
    10 months ago

    All this advise is making me realize it wasn’t just a crush.

    I’ve not seen her for years, I try my best to have contempt for her, I don’t look her up or make any sort of contact. She’s dead as far as I know, and that’s kinda how it feels. But I think about her often, I think about the regrets. It’s been years of no contact and I’m still mourning losing this “crush”

  • Chickenstalker@lemmy.world
    0·
    10 months ago

    Imagine her picking her nose and eating the booger. Next, imagine her taking a huge stinky steaming dump. Disclaimer: only works if you’re not German.

  • XEAL@lemm.ee
    0·
    10 months ago

    From my own experience: cut all contact with that person… which may not be viable in your situation.

          • throwawaysalami@lemmy.worldOP
            0·
            10 months ago

            Yeah that’s actually not that bad of an idea. If things go south I’ll use this as a last resort. Change dance studios that is.

    • SnokenKeekaGuard@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      0·
      10 months ago

      I had a crush on a girl when I was 14, still do, It’s been 10 years. Havent seen her or talked to her for 8. Can a hypnotist or someone help.

      Its not a deep crush now, but I still think about her OFTEN and am not at all over it.

      Edit: jeez i wonder what it’d be like to be on the recieving end of that lol.

  • june@lemmy.worldEnglish
    0·
    10 months ago

    I’ve found that when I want to kill a crush I can start looking for characteristics I dislike. Everyone has them and early on in infatuation we gloss over them. But intentionally highlight them and that crush usually goes away pretty quick. Works for me anyway

    • JigglySackles@lemmy.world
      0·
      10 months ago

      Really? Man, I always thought it was to study their routines and plan the murder for when they are most alone and have the site and a grave prepared. Ideally away from prying eyes unless you like the thrill of getting caught or whatever…

      But that aside, this is really solid advice. Nitpicking things you don’t like is a great option towards losing interest.

  • Usernameblankface@lemmy.world
    0·
    10 months ago

    In my experience, get to know the person, as a person. I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.

    This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.

    • throwawaysalami@lemmy.worldOP
      0·
      10 months ago

      I see the crush as a separate entity from myself. The crush sees them as some unrealistic ideal superhuman, which falls apart when I take time to find out who the actual person is.

      That’s pretty damn well put.

      This assumes you have opportunities to casually chat without planning time specifically, or you can be in a regular part of group conversations.

      There is maybe a tiny window. But it’s worth a shot.

    • Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com
      0·
      10 months ago

      I had a crush and had this like, a of who they might be.

      Got to know them more and more, and… they’re exactly the person my imagination fabricated.

      Anyway, we’re married and shit now. I wish the same for every person with a crush.

    • macattack@lemmy.world
      0·
      10 months ago

      Isn’t getting to know someone better the exact same path you would take if you like them too?

      • BrianTheeBiscuiteer@lemmy.world
        0·
        10 months ago

        Didn’t hear any compelling reasons as to why an actual relationship would be bad. Having a relationship with an authority figure (teacher, doctor, therapist, etc) is taboo and often illegal, but if there’s really a connection there it should be doable to change up schedules or find new instruction so there’s no conflict anymore. Most of my crushes though have been very superficial and a few conversations dispelled the fantasy.

  • Blue@lemmy.world
    0·
    10 months ago

    The advice People give in the comments it’s absolutely funny, it reeks of people who never leaves their house, or is women giving advice or some western Buddhist bullshit about letting go.