If somebody you knew like a family member, partner or friend told you they had NPD would you still talk to them? Would it change how you feel about that person?
As someone with NPD I’m always worried about how having NPD would affect me socially. It’s so stigmatised and people are always talking about how dangerous people with cluster B personality disorders are. I’m dating this guy at the minute. I really love him but I’m worried about how he would feel if he found out about my NPD. Would he still want to see me after what you see online about NPD? Should I ever tell him? Should I just keep it secret?
As of now I’ve told nobody about my diagnosis other than a few people at job interviews. What I’m basically asking here is ‘How will NPD affect your social life?’.
I’d be really curious about what is really means and how you manage or cope with it. If I knew you for a while it would be just another thing to file away about your personality. It probably is something you would share with people you are close to, but you may need to educate them on what it means.
“I’d be really curious about what is really means and how you manage or cope with it.”
It’s hard to live with. It’s difficult to relate to others, your obsessed with your yourself and being noticed. It’s like being you’re every very own tiger parent.
It’s all about how you see things. I make an effort to amplify for others and to understand that it’s ok not to be perfect among other of things.
Depends on how you frame it.
“I’m a certified asshole and that’s why I’m trying to change.”
or
“I’m certified awesome and you should know any problems are really your fault.”
Did you recognize that you’re making it all about yourself?
Truth?
By the time someone got diagnosed with it, I would already be sick of the behavior, amd they wouldn’t be a part of my life. I’ve had to do it before
That being said, if the people in your life haven’t noticed it enough to be sick of you, telling them your diagnosis is pointless. Work on yourself via therapy, and it’s all good.
It’s also not something you need to mention in job interviews since there’s no accommodations needed.
But that half-joke I started with? It’s only half a joke. If you go around telling everyone, you’re kinda doing it. Your diagnosis is something you work on in therapy and would only bring up if needed. It isn’t something that’s useful to anyone else. Now, if you’ve been having trouble in your social interactions, and a specific person is having difficulty dealing with you, saying that you’re aware of a problem and are working on it is a useful thing to them and you.
In other words it isn’t something to be ashamed of and hide, it just isn’t something to broadcast without a reason.
Cluster B personality disorders tend to be the sort of personality disorders that are obvious to those around you. (To anyone who has done any serious study on the topic of personality disorders, it’s likely those around you (at least the ones you’ve interacted at all sufficiently with) already know you have NPD. To those around you who haven’t, I’m sure they’ve still identified aspects of your behavior that are much different from how most people behave, and stumbling across the Wikipedia page for NPD is likely to bring you to mind.)
I do say “tend to” on purpose. There is such a thing as a “covert presentation” of NPD that can be less obvious.
I’ve done enough study on the topic that I know a bit about what the term “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” means. If someone I knew mentioned to me that they had an NPD diagnosis, I think just how that would affect my view of them would depend on a few things:
I think if I hadn’t known them very long and there wasn’t any particular reason for them to bring it up, I’d likely see bringing up their NPD diagnosis as an attention-seeking behavior. (This would be true no matter what the diagnosis was. If someone I didn’t know well just lead with “I have histrionic PD” or “I’m autistic” without a specific good reason to be bringing it up (and I’m not saying that there aren’t cases where leading with a psychological diagnosis is appropriate), I’d similarly feel they were seeking attention. Of course with NPD, “attention seeking” is even one of the diagnostic criteria, and so there is a certain difference with seeking attention by airing your NPD diagnosis vs airing your schizoid PD (or whatever) diagnosis.) If I’m honest, OP, just interacting with you a couple of times on Lemmy, this is kindof the way I view you. That said, I don’t see your behavior on Lemmy as “bad” in any particular way. You’re getting some of your needs filled and also contributing to the community here by starting what I see as interesting and engaging conversations. But I do think a big part of why you’re writing so much about NPD is to get validation from strangers on the internet.
If I had known them for a while and had already seen them exhibit a lot of narcissistic behavior, it would probably be a bit of a relief to hear them say they had an NPD diagnosis. I’d see them as more self-aware than I did before and that would increase my respect for them. I’d probably suspect their awareness of their condition means they may have a genuine interest in managing it and they may be in treatment. I’d suspect they probably knew a bit about the terminology. And if their behavior became unacceptable and I needed to ask them to tone it down, I might be able to break through their defenses to get them to actually listen to me by speaking to them about their behavior in terms more closely associated with PD theory. I’d also feel a bit honored to have been confided in.
If I had known them for a while but the fact they had an NPD diagnosis took me by surprise, it would definitely make me reevaluate my view of NPD a bit. As I said above, covert NPD does exist but I’d be surprised I didn’t pick up on it myself even their presentation was covert.
“I’d likely see bringing up their NPD diagnosis as an attention-seeking behavior. (This would be true no matter what the diagnosis was. If someone I didn’t know well just lead with “I have histrionic PD” or “I’m autistic” without a specific good reason to be bringing it up”
Well, obviously the things I talk about on the internet are different then irl. I would never bring it up to anyone in the real world. I don’t even talk about it that much on here outside of a few threads. I only made those threads so that people can hear a different view on the topic from someone who has it rather then sensationalist pop-psychology trash.
I made this account so I can talk about things I couldn’t irl and this diagnosis would be one of the things as it has really played in me since I first had it.
I would tell them that they are perfect and amazing no matter what and that anyone who says otherwise is just jealous because they’re haters and losers.
I think I would feel like saying. What is NPD?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
ah. I mean if your otherwise nice and realize the importance of me in your life then I don’t see it making much of a difference. I mean if it was an issue you would have likely driven me off awhile back.
I see you’ve never had the misfortune of being entangled with a narcissist.
I mean its possible I just can’t because I would just not gel with it.
Neil Patrick Darris.
Didn’t he star in “How I Met Your Brother”
He was also in the TV show Hoogie Dowser, DDS. That’s where he got his first big break.
Hope he’s not a serial killer
… other than a few people at job interviews.
this hurt me a lot in the past so i learned not to share things like diagnosis until after the interviews.
Same here. I just thought that when they asked if there “was anything medical diagnosis they should know about” I didn’t really know what to say so I just gave them a complete rundown on my medical history. Recent appointments, jabs, diagnosis, medical history ect ect.
I’m not a lawyer; but I suspect that’s an illegal question if you’re in the United States
What’s a NPD???
Gee thanks
Narcissistic Personality Disorder
In my experience, I’ve known long before they did.
The number one rule of being a doctor… everyone is a doctor 🙄
Or maybe I was abused in a narcissistic relationship for four years and learned a thing or two.
And you Dr. Kevin know it “narcissistic relationship” whatever that is, because? Do you have PhD from the University of Google Search? You read a few trash articles like “How to spot a narcissist in your life😱😱😱” and now you think you can diagnose entire relationships! That’s quite something. I know doctors who can diagnose people but you can diagnose multiple people at the same time. Do me a favor and diagnose the relationship between you and your father oh wait, never mind.
Is this how you respond to people normally in person also?
Sure
I know and have some friends who are diagnosed with NPD. It doesn’t affect how I treat them. A diagnosis is just a piece of paper at the end of the day, and there’s no reason to treat someone differently based on whether or not they have a particular sheet of paper. I act according to people’s behaviour.
I wish more people were like you and your friends. Although I wouldn’t go as far as to say that it’s just words on a sheet of paper. That’s like saying that a sentence is just words out of a Judges mouth but still, a personality disorder is a disorder like one else. Like not being able to walk or having autism. Sure, it may effect how I interact with the world but it doesn’t define me and I can improve myself but most people wouldn’t believe that considering how much the media has demonized NPD.
If you hadn’t been diagnosed, would the behaviours the psychiatrist deemed “narcissistic” not exist in you? Behaviours don’t suddenly manifest upon diagnosis. Diagnoses are a way of pathologising and, ultimately, punishing differences, especially ones which are contrary to capitalist productivity. Diagnoses are definitely not objective assessments of dysfunction: see, for obvious examples, the hysteria diagnosis, the now nonexistent diagnosis of homosexuality/homophilia, or the entirely bullshit racist diagnosis of oppositional defiant disorder (diagnosed as ADHD in white boys, of course). Even taken at their most benign and apolitical, diagnoses are still human-made categorisations of observed behaviour. The vast majority of psychiatric diagnoses describe a set of commonly co-occuring symptoms, not a root cause or a particular structural anomaly in the brain; they aren’t any more of a natural discrete category than creating a category of white people with blonde hair and blue eyes, since those symptoms tend to co-occur.
If someone seemed to have insight into the disorder it’s one thing. The trouble is a lot of cluster B in general don’t. My mother has BPD and has a violent lack of insight into her problems, and some of my patients too. They are vicious miserable manipulative people who only exist to seek negative attention from others. But people who do have insight seem to do ok.
Exactly how I feel about being aspd (sociopathic)
I would judge them heavily in my head and pay very close attention to them to be aware of any attempts at manipulation or anything of the sort.
I understand it’s a complex diagnosis and has many facets that aren’t inherently negative but ignoring the large parts that are inherently negative would be putting yourself in jeopardy.
But as someone with a diagnosis with the same level of negative connotation I’d be more understanding but still wary.
Not every narcissist is a monster just like not every sociopath is a monster despite the general opinion on the matter.
I agree with you. When I was first diagnosed I didn’t believe it because I thought it was the type of thing only serial killers had. I would look into it and I heard people would say about people with NPD so it was hard to think of myself as like that. Overtime I came to terms with my diagnosis and started to rethink my views of others with a similar diagnosis.
You probably don’t actually have NPD (although there’s a small chance you do). The majority of diagnoses of personality disorders and mental health disorders are not realistic, but just labels given by a deeply disturbed medical system that looks at the tremendous pain caused by bad social and economic conditions and blames the person as being “ill” instead of identifying problems in their environment. The world we live in is rampant with narcissism – if you happen to personally reflect that sometimes, that makes you more normal than abnormal.
I’m guessing your actual problem is that you’re stressed, for reasons such as: an unhealthy upbringing, a shitty job, poor educational resources, lack of money, low-quality healthcare, lack of supportive relationships, uncomfortable living arrangements, etc. – take your pick and think about what’s relevant to you. It is a crazy fucking world we live in, and just in order to get by, people often adopt narcissistic and selfish ways of thinking and acting even if that is not how they feel in their heart of hearts.
I don’t know what age you are either (and I’m not asking you to tell me), but the younger you are, the more likely you are to get caught up in misleading notions that you’re crazy because people are giving you shit information. Just work on being healthy and improving your life and treating others with respect. You do not need a label, nor do you need to worry about what people will think of you because of said label. Fuck labels. You’re a human being. Doctors may be able to give useful information about illnesses with evident physical markers such as diabetes or multiple sclerosis, but in most cases, they have no business talking about what’s in your head.
What I see online? I spent the first twenty years of my life as a target of cluster-B abuse, trust me I know firsthand.
My advice to all people in range is drop everything and fucking run. Things are replaceable. Jobs and friends are replaceable. Your wellbeing isn’t.
It sucks, you didn’t choose it, it’s not fair - I totally get that, believe me. I have ADHD, it’s a bitch, and it can suck for the people around me.
But the thing is, the fact that it’s not your fault doesn’t make you safe to be around. People can be a danger to others completely involuntarily, despite their greatest wish not to be. And yes, that’s completely fucking unfair.
NPD and BPD are both driven by a great sucking vortex of need-for-validation that can never be filled, and that tortures people if left unfed. NPD is when the vortex demands power or status, BPD is when it demands extravagant emotional connection, but they’re the same basic model underneath. It’s as vicious and relentless as any drug addiction, it doesn’t go away, and it will eventually overpower any amount of good intent. When the monkey’s on their back, all bets are off and the nearest available victim will be preyed upon.
I don’t think there’s a safe way to be in a relationship with that - though I suppose with extremely open communication and amazingly well-defined and enforced boundaries, it could be doable. But this is very much a case of informed consent - it would be supremely shitty not to let your partner know the deal.
So what would be your advice for someone with a cluster B personality disorder? Are we just supposed to be alone forever? Also, why do you even know what you experienced was “cluster-B abuse”? People just think that anyone they don’t like has ASPD, NPD or BPD or something. “Phil who was kind of rude to me the other day, he totally has a covert psychopathic narcissistic cluster B personality disorder. I should know I watched 5 hours of Psych2Go videos”
Like I said, people deserve to know what they’re signing up for, and there need to be well-established boundaries agreed to in advance. I wouldn’t recommend it personally, but different people may choose differently.
And yeah - if someone just isn’t safe to be around, even for reasons they didn’t choose, don’t want and can’t change, then that’s correct, they shouldn’t be around people. Yes, that’s horribly unfair, but existence just sucks. If you have no moral qualms concealing that danger so you can keep exposing people to it in secret… then you’ve just proved my point.
As for the absusers in my life, kindly go fuck yourself.