She is a good coworker, meaning she knows her duties and has ample experience.
She is also a gossip and a person that will rant when somebody doesn’t greet her the way she believes she deserves to be greeted, or about how a coworker or manager wasn’t friendly to her. It’s both what she says and how she says it, like she was hurt.
I still don’t know if what she wants is that everyone stops doing their jobs when she enters the workplace to give her attention, because otherwise, apparently, people hate her. She is also very pretty. Not that I’d want a relationship with her, because this trait is very off putting.
I’ve already heard her saying I’m not friendly and I don’t know who should I react. I think it’s ridiculous to start giving her attention to keep the peace because I have things to do that pay my bills and it would be very draining, I cannot fake interest in things that bore me. I don’t understand why we can’t just do our jobs and go home.
Please read “21 Days to Resilience” by Montminy.
And once you understand it, then consider getting your co-worker to read it: you can’t convince 'em if you haven’t its meanings in you, to begin with.
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you already know what you need to do… ignore immature behavior. nod politely when required. thats it. needy/problem people run themselves out of steam, if you just let them… but it could be a daily ritual.
it doesnt matter what she thinks of you. you have to treat her like someone elses toddler… nod politely, non-committal, generic comments when forced. and then flat out ignore.
It’s work, if you do a good job and are a good team worker nobody should have reason to dislike you for just getting on with your job. You’re not trying to be their friend, nor are they yours, that’s why we refer to them as colleagues. Work is separate from life.
My stepdad was the same. Just get on with his job. He was universally liked not because he was nice nice, but because he got projects done, worked well in his team, and kept everybody up to scratch.
Just by the way you describe them, it sounds like they’re more of a narcissist and want to be the center of attention rather than thin-skinned. Best way is to just ignore. Obviously don’t avoid them if it’s work related, but stop as soon as it’s no longer about work.
Your coworker is immature. How much of it you have to put up with depends entirely on your job. Do you share an office? Work on projects together? In that case, you might look into some non-judgemental responses. For example, if she starts gossiping you could ask to change the subject or even tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
If she’s on the other side of the office in another department, ignore and move on. There’s a certain amount of maturity required to deal with people who are less mature than yourself, and it can be difficult sometimes.
She’s just complaining. You’re fine. If she’s not frosty towards you in interactions, it’s just venting. Some people need to do that to process their own emotions; and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong or leaving something undone.
yeah I agree here. sounds like its a her problem and no need for the OP to change their way of working.
There’s no problem at all, most likely.
My mother is like this. She will never be happy and is addicted to being a victim. My mother actually pulled the victim card during Covid because her work was paying her to not work but she had to call every morning in case they needed her. She said it was worse having to call in the morning rather than work so was basically a victim because she got free paid time off while lots of people had lost all of their income.
Nothing you do will make this woman happy. Don’t try and be more friendly to her because it doesn’t matter. Better to act disinterested in everything she says and don’t answer personal questions she can twist and gossip about to other people.
Commit to the fact that you have to deal with her. That means sticking to what you know to be true, but understanding that she may have a poor reaction to that.
That said, you’ll also have to guard against potential misunderstandings, and be calmly clear when misinterpreted. Once you can accept the emotional and practical circumstances she’s putting you in, responses will come naturally.
this is good advice, thank you!
“It’s not friendly to go up to people and tell them that they’re not friendly. If you want to get along with people here a little better, maybe rethink certain parts of your approach.”
Or just leave it.
