My neighbour has a cat called Stevie. Stevie hangs out with us a lot and we look after him when my neighbour is away.
Yesterday we found Stevie very unwell in our garden. We took him to the neighbour and she immediately rushed him to the vet.
She mentioned the vet was 200 dollars which was a big unexpected expense for her. Her son’s birthday is on Monday and she won’t be able to do anything for his birthday now.
My wife and I are fortunate enough for 200 dollars to not be a lot of money for us and we want to help, but I’m unsure how.
One option would be that we leave her a little card with 100 dollars and write that we wanted to help because we care about Stevie too.
Another idea is we ask her to do some gardening for us (that’s her job, and we’re too busy to do it ourselves right now).
I don’t want her to feel patronised or awkward about any of this… Happy to take insights.
Just be up front. Tell her how much you appreciate both her, and Stevie. Tell her since it’s still so close to the holiday season, you hope she’ll accept a holiday gift, on Stevie’s behalf. Hand her the envelope, with the card and money. Let her do the typical “are you sure? you shouldn’t…” and just insist, that you want her to have it. It’s highly unlikely to go the wrong way.
Kindness isn’t patronizing. Just offer to help because you care for Stevie and your neighbor. No need to make it a debt (or worse, make her “work it off”), which would redefine your relationship as employer/employee. Just friends doing what friends do.
If this is real, you seem like a good person and I’m going to keep your example in mind.
I’m in a place where $200 isn’t much, but if someone helped me help my kid that’d be priceless.
Stevie is the perfect way to deflect but still be direct. “We love Stevie and would like to contribute to his recovery.”
Wish we all had neighbors like you.
The way to help a person without being condescending is to add ZERO padding to your offer. Make it as direct as possible.
“Hey it makes us feel bad that you can’t afford your son’s birthday party now. Would it be okay with you if we provided the $200? It would really make us feel better”
No padding, no qualification, nothing. And frame it as what it is: a request for her to help you feel gratified by helping.
“Will you please let us pay? It would mean a lot to us” is how you need to present it to not be condescending.
I think the idea of sending them a “get well soon” card for Stevie with some cash tucked in is a perfectly reasonable and subtle enough idea. Asking somebody to work for you to earn cash for their kids birthday because of unexpected expenses seems a bit on the nose to me but I’m not really familiar with the relationship I suppose.
Off to get one now 😄
Just be aware money attached to a written note about Stevie’s illness could be seen, in the unlikely event there’s court between you two, as an admission of liability for Stevie.
Lol I’m not in a country that operates like that.
You did a thing, didn’t consider all of the consequences, and are now worried about saving face? You said yourself $200 isn’t a big deal for you. Just give her the money, Christ.
You did a thing, didn’t consider all of the consequences
What thing did OP do? Maybe you mean OP made the cat sick? I don’t think that’s the case, they just found the cat and it was sick.
OP did nothing wrong, and is not asking how to save face for themself, but how best to preserve the dignity of their neighbor while still giving them money. Learn to read.
Maybe use that fact that you found Stevie in your garden somehow? Something along the lines of “after we brought him to you we had a good look at our garden and we want to make some changes to make it easier to watch him when he plays out there” as an excuse for a short-term job for her perhaps?
Or maybe offer your own home or garden for a birthday event for the son with the excuse that the cat needs rest after such an incident and a party would be better placed elsewhere?
