She may have self esteem issues. She could be codependent.

My stepmother did these sorts of things in the beginning, but she was still in her twenties at that time. I didn’t understand then (being just a kid ofc) but I’ve forgiven her now. And to her credit she’s mellowed quite a bit as well. But this peace was many many years in the making. I think you both should seek couple’s therapy to raise and discuss both of your issues in a safe loving space, and it may become clear during those sessions that she needs to also have individual therapy.

If she balks at couple’s therapy, then THAT is a red flag.