I’m really convinced everyone in my life really sees me as a full time chore to take care of, I’m actually convinced at this point everyone in my life is a part of a coordinated phyop to keep me from killing myself, everyone has their own option about me but they agree to be outwardly nice. For thoose who don’t understand I’m a chronic emotional abuser, like I don’t outright threaten to kill myself but everyone around me knows I’m always on the verge to sucide. I’m legitimately a toxic horrible person that holds my friends hostage.
I know this is gonna sound crazy, but have you considered that you should stop doing that? If you’re deliberately acting suicidal to manipulate people, that’s fucked up, but it does tend to work to some degree. The reason everyone is so fake to you is because you’re fake to them. If you’re going to act like you’re always on the brink of suicide, so will others.
Why manipulate people to treat you in a way that you don’t want to be treated? That can’t be worth the time and effort.
You’re the psyop. You created the conditions for the way people act around you. You effectively manipulated the people around you to pity and infantalize you because you act like a wounded animal.
Wow, very well put.
OP: I’d like to recommend a book - “Your Erroneous Zones” by Wayne Dyer. Available on Amazon and used bookstores for a couple bucks. He essentially outlines how to use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques to alter our own mis-thinking, and to develop more effective communication.