I want to give them money but since my childhood my parents pretty much told me that they are all either faking it or are too lazy to go to work for money. I mean, I guess they can go to work but not everyone gets accepted to work as easy as it sounds like.
I used to be homeless. (I am doing significantly better now though. Hard work and luck.)
I did actually have a job, it just didn’t pay enough to get me a place to live at the time. I was too ashamed to beg for money, but I did occasionally hang around restaurants and ask people for food. (So much shame because I had so many peers with family that helped them and they would look down on me for “failing to launch.”)
Why didn’t I go to a food bank? Because the bus system sucked and I couldn’t get everywhere I needed in the amount of time I had in the day. Additionally, I had no kitchen. No place to prepare food that isn’t ready made. The shelter did not allow me to store food.
Government help and charities were definitely not enough, but it did help. A lot of people in charity were good people, but there were quite a few that were just plain nasty. At the shelter, I would get yelled at for following their rules and asking for my phone that they held at the front desk so I could get to my job for instance.
It does not feel good when your family lets you down, your community lets you down, the government lets you down, and even the people that are supposed to fill in the gaps lets you down. Really makes you think that you are undeserving.
You are right that some homeless people have a hard time finding a job. A lot of places will discriminate against you if you do not have a permanent address (and some will even look for addresses of shelters). If you went to jail, a lot of places won’t consider hiring you. And if course wages are just really low compared to cost of living.
Yes, it is ok to feel bad for those people that don’t have what you have. That is human. Yes, some of them may have made some bad choices and some of them might not need the help. But a lot of those people are just victims of an uncaring system. If you do not help them (which is fine, it is not always possible), at least treat them with dignity. Being treated like a worthy person, rather than a second class citizen, means a lot to someone who society let down.
Thanks for talking about it. It’s more than I could do. It’s interesting and aggravating to have spent most of your life in a certain situation, then working to help other people in that situation, then studying it…then reading a bunch of comments by people arguing over it who are so certain they’re all right when it’s obvious that most of them have never come close to experiencing it.
This must be what it feels like to be a lawyer and have to talk to a sovereign citizen or something.
Having empathy is normal, yes.
Yes, it’s normal to feel like shit about driving past the homeless, that’s your humanity working.
We are not faster or stronger than bears, so we evolved to work together as tribes.
Seeing other humans abandoned by your own tribe should make us feel bad.
No, it is not YOUR individual responsibility to assist others beyond your own means. Retiring in the U.S. costs millions of dollars and that may seem far away for some, but time comes for us all and most can’t afford to help others with their oxygen mask before putting on our own.
When I drive by someone who needs help, knowing I’m not equipped to help them, I get angry at every politician and lobbyist whose life work is making sure meaningful social programs never get started.
My responsibility is to vote for the most humanitarian candidate possible at every opportunity, and to share my values of “people first” any way I can.
We all struggle, and the struggles of others doesn’t disqualify your own. It’s healthy to spend your personal resources on your personal problems, and use your social/political power (vote) to address social/political problems.
Props on being a human being.
Yeah, it’s pretty normal for someone that has empathy to feel bad when they can’t do much/anything to help someone else that they would help if they could.
The problem is that you can’t help everyone, so you’d have to pick and choose which individuals you do help, which is going to make you feel just as bad as not giving them any money at all.
The real answer to resolving the feeling is to provide help in a more general fashion. Volunteering with any of the local homeless support programs/charities is a good way to help individuals and homeless people in general
If you can’t do that, or do other support that’s similarly broad, that’s okay. Just do what you can, when you can.
No, it’s a completely normal feeling to feel bad about not being able to help people that are suffering.
I don’t buy the line that people are faking being poor just to make extra income. Yes, there are people that drive up to foodbanks in fancy cars who are abusing charity supports meant for the needy, but your average beggar isn’t one of those who abuses supports.
When I see people pick out food from a trash bin, no well off person would do that. I try to help out them with change where I can.
Life is extra cruel to those that are already down on their luck. If you find yourself where rents are $2000+ a month, trying to even up and move yourself to somewhere you might be able to get a job and afford to live on it, takes several weeks of hitchhiking or several hundred dollars in travel expenses. (Canada)
Having helped some homeless people out, the other thing is that because of the brutal conditions they’ve been through, often they’re easily stressed out, can’t fill out forms or express themselves very well. Sometimes the one thing keeping them from getting help is someone in their corner who can properly advocate for what they need. For many people having a temporary rough streak, this can be a family member or friend. For many chronically homeless people they don’t have anyone to lean on.
I like Kant’s take on this. He argued (roughly, by memory) that giving to people begging on the street directly was a selfish act, as it’s satisfying our own need to feel better about ourselves more than the needs of the homeless population, and would lead to an unfair distribution giving more money to those who are talented at evoking empathy rather than those that might need it the most. He argued that the unselfish thing to do would be to donate to the cause indirectly, responding not to the emotional response in the moment but to a rational consideration of the needs of the homeless population.
I think he has a point. That said, there’s nothing wrong with being selfish every now and then, especially not if your selfishness gives someone a warm meal. And empathy is a healthy human reaction.
Your parents seem to have failed to grasp the challenges facing the homeless population. A better take would be “don’t give that guy money, start donating regularly to a local charity instead and help make sure that help is given to all those who need it”.
Oh, and also, rally for political change.
It’s pretty normal, yeah. It’s just being empathetic for someone else in a bad spot. I usually don’t donate, but I make an effort to at least have some small talk with them. One of the worst aspects of homelessness is the feeling of your humanity just slipping away, and just reminding them they’re people really helps.
Of course, only do this if it’s safe, so maybe not the middle of the night, or a super-busy intersection, but when you CAN, it probably means more than what you could donate.
If you want, try to help such people.
It might surprise you that you can dump unlimited money into certain people and they’ll end up back in the same situation, but they’ll hate you for not giving more because you still have something left.
It’s like trying to help a drowning person, they often will drag you into the water with them.
Yes, it’s normal. Even if they are faking it, it’s still a bad situation that they feel the need to do it. Most of them have mental problems and can’t find or even look for work. Without work you have to apply for benefits in most countries and some are not capable of this beurocratic process. Without benefits they have no health insurance in most countries and therefore can’t get treatment. Also, without a home address and internet it’s difficult to find or apply for a job in many regions abd without a job it’s difficult to get a home address and internet.
However, there’s too many to help them individually. This is not your problem as a person, but our problem as a scociety. You’ll be overwhelmed caring for all of them. Instead, you should try and help passing laws and regulations to help them in your region. In the EU, for example 2016 a law has been made so everyone may create a basic bank account, even if they are homeless or foreigners. This is important, because before that in many regions you couldn’t get hired or payed because the banks required your home address and without pay or a bank account you couldn’t get a home or work.
Instead, you should try and help passing laws and regulations to help them in your region.
no, because -
In the EU, for example 2016 a law has been made so everyone may create a basic bank account, even if they are homeless or foreigners
that is literally less than bare minimum and only provides help to those already getting support (applying for benefits takes much more than a bank account, without additional support, and a societal framework to end homelessness instead of making it “more manageable”, being able to get an account is still useless).
The only action any individual can take to end homelessness is to become an active anti-capitalist, since as long as capitalism exists, so will homelessness.
So i saw this response of yours first, and wondered why you’re coming in so hard against someone that: 1) proposed a solution, 2) did not insist it was the only solution, and 3) was opening a dialogue of how to help, instead of dismissing the homeless as most of society does.
Then i saw your responses in the rest of the thread and realized either
A) You’re a troll Or B) You’re socially inexperienced
Your responses to other people show that you think your opinion is the only correct one. Before you immediately bang away on the keyboard defending yourself, please take a moment to reflect on how your speech affects your cause. The adage “you attract more flies with honey than vinegar” may not be scientifically correct, but it is socially accurate.
In general, kindness is never wrong. Be kind to others, including strangers on the internet. OTOH, if you can’t play nice, go touch grass and let the adults have a conversation.
Oh, and you’re not wrong about capitalism being part of the problem. You are wrong that working for policy change is “less than bare minimum”. Doing nothing, that is less than bare minimum
Did they delete comments, or are you replying to the wrong person? They’ve only commented once in this thread.
Must not be showing on your side because I can see it
It’s a normal human trait, which is why it’s so easily taken advantage of. If you wish to do something for your local population of people suffering homelessness there are plenty of charities to donate time or money to that will ensure it is spent more wisely than most any singular person suffering from homelessness would likely spend it themselves.
ensure it is spent more wisely than most any singular person suffering from homelessness would likely spend it themselves.
Right, because being homeless means a person couldn’t possibly know what’s best for them, best treat them like children, there’s no other way! It’s not like literally the majority of people are a missed pay check or two away from becoming homeless themselves, it’s truly amazing how in that instance a person, according to you, suddenly loses all faculties of their mind… 🙄
That is why soliciting / begging for money works. It makes people uncomfortable and they give money. It wouldn’t work if we all didn’t feel that.
Oh yeah, those damn cunning homeless people, there to make you uncomfortable with their suffering… (in case it isn’t clear - heavy sarcasm, your attitude is disgusting)
There wasn’t any judgement implied there. It literally works because people have empathy, you know, that thing that makes you not immediately assume everyone else has the absolute worst intentions.
Well, I was merely stating a fact.
It all depends how that plays out. Empathy is a good thing. It’s why were not sociopaths and our species died a long time ago. It can also be exploited by people. I mean there are organized gangs sending out people to beg for money on the streets. Especially around christmas time. I wouldn’t give them any money but I have donated to proper people in need.
I don’t really like it if people play with empathy. For example showing starving african children is something that works and non-profits do it to get people’s attention. Nonetheless it reinforces stereotypes and leads to a spiral of more and more graphic images being needed. It’s a complicated topic. This year I looked for a non-profit who doesn’t do this, lets people have their dignity and also spend less of the donations for their own corporation and more for the actual projects.
I believe also with homeless people it’s more complicated than one of the extremes. Some just pretend to be homeless. Some really are. And really in need. Some will waste your money for alcohol and some need a warm sleeping bag to get through the night. There is probably more than meets the eye. And it’s always difficult to tell.
But I get your interjection. Some people actually have that attitude. They really think the homeless people should be kept out of sight so they themselves don’t have to feel uncomfortable. That’s disgusting.
(Edit: Something I think works somewhat alright is charities who give out food on the street, warm clothes and sleeping bags. Maybe this is unlikely to get abused and you can donate to them without worrying too much.)
I believe also with homeless people it’s more complicated than one of the extremes. Some just pretend to be homeless. Some really are. And really in need. Some will waste your money for alcohol and some need a warm sleeping bag to get through the night. There is probably more than meets the eye. And it’s always difficult to tell.
Nobody who is doing well is sitting outside in December begging for change. It’s dehumanising. If someone is down on their luck and wants a beer to get through then it’s not a waste.
Personally we have some good homeless charities around here so I tend to report them using an app which brings out volunteers to help them get supplies, a hostel, and benefits which is more money than I can spare, but if I have food or drink (including sometimes alcohol) going I usually donate that too.
It’s important to put yourself in their shoes.
I don’t know how it is where you people all live. In big european cities it has happened that criminal networks force people to beg on the street. You’re probably right that they are not well. Sometimes this involves human trafficking. But they’re not the usual homeless people. The gangs will “recruit” for example amputees and people that get sympathy. The money usually doesn’t stay with those people. It’s organized crime and the money is taken from them. You ocassionally/rarely see dubious people when you visit a christmas market. Police cracks down on things like this but you can google a good amount of news articles on this.
However there are homeless people. And it’d be a shame if we stopped helping them because of this. But you also don’t want to support criminals.
And I don’t think it’s the same in the US anyways. Social security, healthcare and everything is very different. So is what kind of organized crime we have around us.
If people are being human trafficked they’re not doing well.
This idea that all homeless people are fronts for gangs however is a right wing idea that rarely or never plays out. A gang can make money drug dealing, stealing cars, even petty theft, all are going to pay much higher amounts than sitting in the train station begging for change.
I’m completely with you on that. Criminals are also known for doing pickpocketing on christmas markets. All of that isn’t that big a problem where I live and this hasn’t happened to me, yet. But I know people. I think it’s obvious that seasonally crowded places are bound to attract some criminals. And all of that doesn’t really have to do anything with homeless people. But I will gladly rethink the stereotypes I heard and think about where I got that from. Sounds like something right-wing people would love to regurgitate.
Sorry to tell you but your parents are capitalist assholes who lack basic empathy.
